Fundamental laws of marriage by Bisi Adewale
In continuation of fundamental laws of marriage, here comes another vital law that cannot be ignored
LAW OF BONDING
What Is Bonding? Bonding is the formation of a close relationship (as between a mother and child or between married people), especially through frequent or constant association.
Bonding refers to the emotional covenant that links a man and a woman together for life and makes them intensely valuable to each other. It is the specialness that sets those two lovers apart from every other person on the face of the earth. It is God’s gift of companionship to those who have experienced it.
11 HABITS OF HIGHLY BONDED COUPLES
Highly bonded couples are known to have the following habits:
- They are courteous: They approach each other with deep love and respect.
- They care for each other: Couples who are well bonded are so caring for each other year in, year out.
- They are kind: They think kindly about each other. They talk, act and react kindly about each other always.
- They respect each other: They act towards each other respectfully.
- They handle each other humbly: The husband is leading in humility and meekness; the wife is following in humility and reverence.
- Effective communication: They talk and relate effectively.
- Superb conflict resolution system: They talk about issues before it gets out of hands.
- Believe: They believe in each other; they trust each other.
- Right assumption: They assume the best about each other.
- ‘We’ world: They live in the ‘we world’. Their vocabulary is we, us, our; not me, mine, I and myself.
- They touch generously: They are fond of touching and holding each other; they love and enjoy this.
Touching is very important to real bonding in marriage. You can communicate so many things through touch. This includes love, care, assurance, belief, trust, hope, and agreement. You can even pass across messages to each other through touch. Thomas Edison taught his wife the Morse code so they could communicate secretly by tapping into each other’s hands when their family members were around.
Many couples do not know this; they do not know that not touching each other could cause drifting.
Touching in marriage involves so many practical ways which all couples must be aware of and practice deliberately if your marriage must be evergreen as you pray it to be.
PRACTICAL TOUCHING FOR BONDING IN MARRIAGE
- EYE TO THE BODY.
A glance reveals much about a person–sex, size, shape, age, personality, and status. The importance people place on these criteria determines whether or not they will be attracted to each other. Husband and wife should always create time to look at each other and admire each other. Lots of men are lusting after other women, looking at them lustfully. This is wrong. Divert your gaze on your spouse for better bonding.
- EYE TO EYE.
When a young man and woman who are strangers to each other exchange glances, their most natural reaction is to look away, usually with embarrassment. If their eyes meet again, they may smile, which signals that they might like to become better acquainted. They pick up from there and become friends. Couples hardly look at each other’s eyes, hence, they fail to bond. There is power in looking into each other’s eyes; use it. Look at each other eyeball to eyeball as you talk.
- VOICE TO VOICE
The initial conversations of two strangers are trivial but that is where it starts. It includes questions like “Can I have your number?” “Your face looks familiar.” What is your name?” “What do you do for a living?”
During these long stages, the two people learn much about each other’s opinions, pastimes, activities, habits, hobbies, likes, and dislikes. If they’re compatible, they become friends. Husband and wives that must bond must learn to talk about trivial things, joke and laugh together for the freshness of their marriage.
- HAND TO HAND
Hand-to-hand contact is an evidence of the couple’s romantic attachment to each other. Married couples hardly hold hands. Some even walk miles apart. They talk without touching each other’s hands which is why conflicts linger always. The bond is broken and drifting grows.
Holding hands as small as it seems is very important to your marriage. Don’t just hold hands, play with it, massage it and bond with each other.
- HAND ON EARS
Touching each other’s ears when talking or playing also generates bonding.
The earlobe, the soft, rounded fleshy part hanging from the lower margin of the ear is very sensitive to touch and it can be very cold and enjoyable when touched.
- HAND ON NOSE
Touching the nose as you talk also connotes love, closeness and intimacy. Do it often.
- HAND ON HAIR
Touching your spouse’s hair is a sign of love. Women most especially always want their scalp to be scratched for them. Go ahead and do it. It generates bonding.
- HAND TO SHOULDER
The hand-to-shoulder contact reveals a relationship that is more than a close friendship. It connotes closeness and it brings couples together especially if it is face to face and hand on the shoulder. When you sit down together, put your hands on each other’s shoulders. When talking, put both hands on your spouse’s shoulder as you try to break the difficult ice in your marriage.
- HAND TO WAIST
Because this is something two people of the same sex would not ordinarily do, it is clearly romantic. They are close enough to be sharing secrets or intimate language with each other. Husband and wife should enjoy holding each other by the waist, it’s more romantic and it generates good feelings.
- HAND ON BODY
Hand to body simply means touching every aspect of the body. Scratching the back, massaging the body etc.
- HAND ON LAPS
Place hands on laps as you sit in cars, buses or even in public. It connotes ownership and bonding, don’t hesitate to do it.
- FACE TO FACE
This level of contact involves gazing into one another’s eyes, hugging and kissing. If none of the previous steps was skipped, the man and woman would have developed a special code from experience that enables them to engage in deep communication with very few words. At this point, sexual desire becomes an important factor in the relationship.
- HAND TO HEAD
This is an extension of the previous stage. The man and woman tend to cradle or stroke each other’s head while kissing or talking. Rarely do individuals in our culture touch the head of another person unless they are either romantically involved or they are family members. It is a designation of emotional closeness.
- BODY TO BODY
This involves hugging and cuddling. Hug every day before you go out and welcome each other home with a warm hug. Wake each other up daily with a hug and do so before going to bed daily. Do it for 41 days consecutively and see how it will affect your marriage positively. It’s like magic; you will see great change.
- HEAD TO HEAD
Let your head touch each other sometimes as you talk or face each other to pray.
- HEAD ON SHOULDER
Always rest your heads on each other’s Shoulder as you sit together in the car, bus, train, Aircraft, at home or even in the public.
- MOUTH ON EARS
Talk sometimes in whispers to each other; make it romantic. Talk slowly and blow loving air to each other’s ears. It leads to bonding.
- HAND ON BUTTOCKS
As you hug, let your hands touch the buttocks and play with it.
- MOUTH TO MOUTH
This involves passionate kissing; go ahead and do it. It helps you to bond. The rule is KISS DAILY.
- HAND TO BREAST
Playing with each other’s breast is very loving and romantic. Wives should know that Husbands have nipples, though small but are also sensitive to touch. Make each other’s breast your toys; play with it generously and enjoy the moment.
- MOUTH TO BREAST
Don’t just touch or play with the breast, suck it. Wives go ahead and suck your husband’s breast too, they are very useful in marriage; don’t block your husband from touching or sucking your breast too.
- HAND TO GENITAL
Touching the genital is also part of the love game. Do this in your bedroom regularly even as you talk or play or lie down when alone in your room.
- GENITAL TO GENITAL
Sex in marriage is the ultimate of bonding and the climax of intimacy. Do it regularly, willingly, joyfully and creatively.
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