Fundamental laws of marriage by Bisi Adewale
THE PRINCIPLE OF CLEAVING
Cleaving is another pertinent fundamental law of marriage that every couple must adhere to if they desire a great marriage. Cleaving is scriptural (Gen 2:24) and it means to cling, keep close, bond, to glue, to cement. So we can say cleaving in marriage means to bond as husband and wife, to be intimate, to have healthy togetherness, fondness and oneness in marriage.
To cleave in marriage, becomes possible when we first leave our parents, cleave and become one flesh.
What cleaving is not
- It is not close marking of your spouse, not giving your spouse his or her reasonable personal space.
- It is not the death of your spouse’s personality whereby he or she cannot make clear decisions but must be controlled all the time. The husband and wife are one but also distinct individuals.
- It is not about changing your spouse to be like you or your parents.
- It is not about both of you getting involved in the same profession.
- It is not about thinking the same way always.
- It is not about never having disagreements.
- Does not mean your spouse’s temperament would suddenly be similar to yours.
- It is not a prison yard for your spouse.
- Not that you can’t have any other friends outside your marriage.
- It is not about banishing your spouse’s parent and siblings from visiting your house.
What cleaving is
- It is togetherness. Doing things together, talking together, praying, planning, living, bathing and spending time together.
- It is fondness. Be fond of each other, become addicted to each other.
- It is bonding and intimacy.
- It is oneness. Joining of hands and minds to do things together.
- It is unity. Unity of purpose, worship, plan; it is unity in diversity.
- It is living together in the same house, in the same room on the same bed.
- It is about being committed to each other.
- It is about communicating joyfully, deeply, lovingly and truthfully.
- It is about praying together.
- It is about agreement. Amos 3:3
- It is about being vulnerable to each other.
- It is about opening the door of your mouth and mind to each other.
- It is about sharing each other’s burden.
- It is about knowing and keeping each other’s secrets all the time.
- It is about spending time together.
- It is about affection, attention and interaction.
- It is about provision for each other’s physical, social, financial and emotional needs.
- It is death of selfishness and the resurrection of selflessness.
- It is one plus one = one
- It is about “we” not “me”
- It is about accepting each other’s outlook, strength, weakness, personality, etc.
- It is about celebrating each other.
- It is about living with each other’s weaknesses without complaining.
- It is about recognizing each other’s strength.
- It is about maximizing love.
- It is removing “I”, “Me”, “Mine” and “Myself”
- It is putting your spouse first in everything you do.
- It is loving each other.
- It is living for each other.
- It is about romancing each other.
- It is about enjoying sex together as a gift from the Lord in marriage for the married.
ELEMENTS OF CLEAVING
- Togetherness: This has to do with the Physical life of the couple. They have to always be together, do things together.
- Friendship: Couples must learn how to socialize with each other like friends do. It is about being friends.
- Pray together: Couples must take their Spiritual life so serious. It is not just praying together but worshipping God, serving Him, studying the Bible together.
- Sharing: This has to do with Emotions. It is about sharing heart to heart issues, exposure of inner thoughts and feelings. Regular and intimate communication.
- Spending: This has to do with the family finance. It is about helping each other to make money, seeing the money as joint and spending together.
- Bonding: This is called Intimacy. It is about entering each other’s secret places, two hearts beat as one, two lives living as one, becoming “flesh of my flesh and bones of my bones”.
- Romancing: It involves playing together, deep show of affection, enjoying tantalizing sex life together, in love, in purity, doing it regularly, creatively and joyfully.
STEPS TO CLEAVING
- Acknowledge that it is the will of God and it is scriptural to leave your parents and cleave to your spouse. Genesis 2:24
- Make up your mind to cleave.
- Cut every affection with old friends of opposite sex.
- Focus on the strength of your spouse.
- Celebrate your spouse.
- Relax to fall in love.
- Spend time with your spouse and enjoy it.
- Talk, play, pray and plan with your spouse.
- Be sexually pure, get all sex you desire from your spouse.
- Don’t give room for offences in your heart, forgive your spouse.
- Find time to relax together.
- Enjoy sex with your spouse.