MISTAKES PARENTS MAKE WITH ADULT CHILDREN

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MISTAKES PARENTS MAKE WITH ADULT CHILDREN

-Bisi Adewale

MISTAKES PARENTS MAKE WITH ADULT CHILDREN
Parents of adults are known to make some mistakes about their children, some of which backfire on the parents in their old age. If you want to have a good relationship with your children in your latter age, avoid the following mistakes: MISTAKES PARENTS MAKE WITH ADULT CHILDREN
Handling advice wrongly: giving unsolicited advice, lording it over your children may back fire later; it is one major mistake parents make because they fail to realize the differences between adult children and teenagers. You need to know that children are different and you must handle them very carefully
Three kinds of adult children
1: Open child: This is a child that wants your advice, even if it is not solicited. It may be easy to influence this kind of child, but if the child is married, you may have problems with his spouse who may think he or she is daddy’s or mummy’s boy or girl. Sensing the parent as “controlling” his or her spouse, he or she may decide to fight back. So the best way to handle your children is to only give advice when it is really necessary or when it is solicited.
2: Open-and-close child: A child that wants your advice only when it is solicited.
3: Closed-up child: An adult child that does not want the parents’ advice at all.
Too much financial demand: Some parents have turned their children to ATM machine, demanding for money at every giving time. Some are known to curse their children on phone when the child cannot meet their financial demand, thus making life difficult for their children in the process. This is a major mistake of many parents in this part of the world.
— Parenting married children: the work of parenting is supposed to have stopped long before your children get married; training, teaching and controlling a married child is totally unacceptable and it shows you have done a bad job in your parenting duties in the last few years. You are to train children; not adults.
“Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it”. [Eph. 6:4; II Tim. 3:15.] (Proverbs 22:6 AMP) MISTAKES PARENTS MAKE WITH ADULT CHILDREN
Using financial support to control the child: Some buoyant parents are known to use financial support to control their children, expecting them to come-cap-in hand any time they are in financial straits, thereby dictating how they want them to live their life. Such parents will never give the child enough money that will make him to be able to stand on his own; this is a major mistake that will backfire later.
— Not loving their children’s spouses: Failure to love their children’s spouses is very common among modern-day parents, most especially parents of husbands; this is also wrong.
— Treating adults like toddlers: Treating adults like infants and toddlers by controlling and ruling over them is a major error among modern-day parents.
— Clingy attitude: Some parents do not let go of their children; they cling to their married children and rival the spouses of their children for attention; this is totally wrong.
Failure to pray: Many parents hardly have time to pray for their children; this is not right. Pray for your child always.
— Choosing life partners for them: You are not to choose a life partner for your child; it will be wrong to do that.
— Rejecting a child’s choice of partner because of denominational or ethnic differences
: this is also wrong. It is wrong and childish to insist that your child must get married from your denomination or tribe.
— Beating adult children: Slapping or beating a child that is more than 18 years is wrong; it is known to have always backfired.
— Treating teenagers like adults: It will be suicidal to treat a grown-up child like you would a teenager: controlling them, lording things over them, commanding them may not yield good result.
— Moving to a child’s home:
It is also wrong to move to the home of your married child to be living there for any reason apart from failing health; even at that, it must be with expressed support of the child’s spouse and not something to be forced on him or her.
— Fighting a child’s spouse: Declaring war on your child’s spouse is wrong; it is like declaring war on yourself. The result is always bad.
— Lording things over your children in their matrimonial homes: Taking over in your child’s home, dictating what happens, controlling your child and his wife is totally wrong. It may make your child’s spouse to fight back, which will really hurt you.
— Relying on children at old age: Do everything to be productive at old age; don’t ever rely on your children. You are supposed to leave an inheritance for your children and not become a liability to them in your old age.
— Encouraging a child to divorce: One mistake that is common now is for parents to encourage their children to divorce their spouses, at times because of infertility; this is an error. Always remember that God hates divorce; don’t do it, and don’t encourage your children to do it.
“And did not God make [you and your wife] one [flesh]? Did not one make you and preserve your spirit alive? And why [did God make you two] one? Because He sought a godly offspring [from your union]. Therefore take heed to yourselves, and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth. For the Lord, the God of Israel says: I hate divorce and marital separation and him who cover his garment [his wife] with violence. Therefore keep a watch upon your spirit [that it may be controlled by My Spirit], that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly [with your marriage mate]”. (Malachi 2:15, 16 AMP)
MISTAKES PARENTS MAKE WITH ADULT CHILDREN

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Culled from Parenting Adult Children,a book by Bisi Adewale

Pastor Bisi Adewale is a family and relationship expert; author : Secret of an Irresistible Wife and more than 70 other books on marriage and family life. You can reach him on familybooster@gmail.com, 08068312004, 08051512823, BB: 2AF5C883, Blog: www.bisiadewale.com,Website:www.familybooster.comfacebook.com/PastorBisiAdewale.Twitter@bisiadewale