By Bisi Adewale
MARRIAGE TOOLS SERIES WITH PASTOR BISI ADEWALE
In continuation of tools of great marriage series, this is another paramount tool that makes marriage great and last for a lifetime. HELPING HANDS is the place of service to one another.
“Withhold not good from them to whom it is due when it is in the power of thine hand to do it.”
Be all out to help your spouse, always ask the question, how can I help you? In a good marriage, spouses are helpers and partners in progress who help each other to fulfil a purpose.
According to Dr Gary Chapman, author of ‘The Five Love Languages’, everyone is born with the ability to show and receive emotional love in five different ways, but we all tend to prefer one way the most. Of the five love languages, the act of service is just one way you can show love to your spouse.
Everybody loves to be served, but nobody is ready to serve. The continuous act of service is what will make your marriage what you want it to be, marriage becomes dry and drab if nobody is serving; it becomes a battlefield if everybody is feeling used and plundered.
There are three types of couples:
- Consuming Couples
- Solo Couples
iii. Service Couples
Consuming couples are after each other for what they can grab. The woman is looking for money to grab from her husband while the husband is looking for food, care and sex. Both are selfish and self-married. This makes marriage difficult for them.
Solo couples on their own leave a solo life, “Do your thing” is their slogan. They don’t care for each other and they don’t serve each other.
Service couples are totally involved in each other’s lives. They serve each other selflessly, thus, making life easy for each other as they work as a team.
One way to keep your marriage green is to be a ‘service couple’. Service couples are doggedly committed to serving each other. They stretch out their hands and say, “What can I do for you?” As they serve each other, everybody wins, nobody loses.
The Bible admonishes us that we should serve our spouses as unto the Lord, not as if we are serving our spouse.
“With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men:” Ephesians 6:7 KJV
RULES OF SERVICE
When it comes to serving others, try to live by these five rules:
- Serve sincerely.“Don’t just pretend to love your spouse…” (Romans 12:9). God knows your heart; so be honest with yourself and about your true motives in serving and sacrificing for your spouse. Be sincere, don’t serve deceitfully. Don’t serve because of what you tend to get. Give your all with all your heart.
- Serve silently.“…When you do a charitable deed, do not sound a trumpet…that [you] may have glory from men…” (Matthew 6:2 NKJV). Note the words “do not sound a trumpet.” Don’t go to the press to announce what you are doing for your spouse; stop bragging about it. It is a privilege to serve; be joyful and be happy. However, be quiet about it. God sees what you are doing and your spouse is aware too.
- Serve Continuously: Marriage is for a lifetime, so serve continuously. Do not stop serving. Don’t say “I did yesterday”, go ahead… do it today.
- Serve Selflessly: Be selfless in your service to your spouse. Don’t serve only if you would gain other things in return. That is not service; it is a business or trade by barter.
- Serve Sacrificially:Serve without expecting anything in return. Serve even when it is not convenient. Serve even if it is not what you want or how you want it. Serve even if takes something from you or hurt that is what genuine love is all about.
AREAS TO HELP YOUR SPOUSE TO YIELD GREAT MARRIAGE
Kitchen: Help each other in the kitchen by cooking and preparing a meal for the family
Laundry: Helping each other in the act of washing clothes, underwears and the children’s clothes
Bedroom: Satisfying each other in the bedroom to make sex enjoyable
Caring for the children: Not leaving the responsibility of taking care of the children to the woman alone, this should be done by both husband and wife.
Washing of the Car: The wife can help the husband in washing his car and some other things that the man of the house alone could have done. We call this cross-gender services
Cleaning of the House: Domestic chores is something any of the parties either Husband, Wife or both need to do together not restricted to one person.