15 DETERMINANTS OF A GREEN MARRIAGE
By Bisi Adewale
It is a fact that mere wishes, luck and even prayers only are not the sure determinants for having a green marriage. However, there are some factors that must come to play in order to make a marriage green, even 40 years into the solemnization of the marriage.
These determinants must be in place irrespective of the age of those involved in a marriage, the number of children, the age of marriage or what they have encountered in their marital journey. We need to examine these things that must be together to make a marriage evergreen here:
- TRUST LEVEL
The level of trust in any marriage will determine so many things. When trust is lost, almost everything is lost. To build trust in your marriage, you must be open to each other and trustworthy.
- FORGIVENESS LEVEL
Every couple will hurt each other in one way or the other. This will happen several times no matter the level of wisdom, education, love, romance, anointing or even age. This will determine the level of your marriage success.
- CLEANLINESS LEVEL
The cleanliness of your heart about your spouse and marriage. This level will also determine the peace and joy in your marriage. Clean your heart of old hurts, unforgiveness, anger, resentments, malice and bitterness. With all these in your heart, you won’t respond to love and your marriage won’t be green.
- FAITHFULNESS LEVEL
Marriage will be very difficult when faithfulness is lacking. Unfaithfulness breeds distrust, anger, suspicion, fear and bitterness. No marriage can survive for long in the face of unfaithfulness.
- THE LEVEL OF LOVE
The level of love operational in your marriage will also determine how green your marriage will be. Allowing your marriage to grow weary, old and cold could be disastrous. So pay close attention to love in your marriage; make sure your love never grow old or weary; work on it, refresh it, remould it for it determines the destiny of your marriage.
- PROXIMITY LEVEL
Living closely together will also affect the level of trust in your marriage, you can’t be living in another country or city and build a great marriage. In fact, sleeping in different rooms or different beds is also not a good sign for a great marriage. (Genesis 2:18)
- BONDING LEVEL
Proximity is not enough, your bonding level is the one that will determine great things in your marriage. Many are married but few are bonding. When you bond, you can grow and remain green. (Genesis 2:24-25)
- CONFLICT MANAGEMENT LEVEL
How you manage conflicts will also determine the level of your marital journey. The time it takes to settle a dispute matters a lot. Couples that quickly settle their differences and apologize to each other can easily move on compared to couples that keep malice for weeks.
- INTIMACY LEVEL
The bonding level is physical, it is not enough. The intimacy level needs to be increased. That is,the level of fondness of your hearts will determine how love will flow to each other and will determine the state of your marriage.
- FRIENDSHIP LEVEL
Many are married, but only a few are friends. Lots of married people are living together like boss and servant, master and slave. They are not friends. You started your relationship as friends before you became lovers and got married. So it was the friendship level that started your marriage. It will take friendship to keep it hot and sizzling. (Proverbs 18:24)
- TEAM LEVEL
Lots of couples are married but can’t work as a team. They compete with each other, work with different mindset, envy each other and fight things out like babies. A green marriage involves teamwork. When you go solo, you hurt your marriage deeply.
- COMMUNICATION LEVEL
Bonding, friendship, intimacy and teamwork can never be possible without a good communication level. Couples that are green are those who are talking deeply, lovingly, and continuously.
- FRESHNESS LEVEL
There are lots of things that must be kept fresh if your marriage must be green. Some of them are love, friendship, bonding, knowledge of marriage and togetherness. When any of these go stale, expect a very dull and difficult marriage.
- ROMANCE LEVEL
Playing together is the way of a great marriage. Marriage is not a platonic relationship, it’s a romantic one and it involves deep romance, lots of kissing, touching, fondling and hugging.
If you do not allow these in your marriage, maybe because of culture or religion, you will end up as a dull brother and sister in marriage.
- SEX LIFE
The climax of romance in marriage is sex. When couples pay attention to sex in their marriage, it affects every other aspect of their marital life. Sex is the engine room of marriage. Couples that do it with all their hearts, body and soul get the best out of marriage. Couples that do not take sex serious see it as a difficult task and do end up in difficult marriages. So take sex seriously; I mean, very serious. Do it creatively. (Songs of Solomon 1:15-17).
For counselling or programs kindly reach us via the following
familybooster@gmail.com
08056457013,
08068312004
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@bisiadewale @yomibisi
Thanks and God bless you.
©Bisi Adewale 2019
