How To Rebuild Your Marriage For Better Romance
-By Bisi Adewale
2 Corinthians 13:5 KJV
Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?
It was Mr. Lordham’s father who ordered Mr. and Mrs. Lordham to see Pa Gabby (as he is fondly called) for counseling due to their incessant fighting and difficult marriage. Pa Gabby is an award winning and foremost Christian marriage counsellor who had put more than 45 years into counseling, working with thousands of couples from their teenage age till their old age. Pa Gabby, is fond of saying “no Marriage is irredeemable in the workshop of God” so he is ready to do everything to make couples live together in love, peace and joy.
When Mr. and Mrs. Lordham got to the old counsellor, they had not bargained for what they met. They had expected him to counsel them and let them be which he never did, rather, he gave them a form to fill. He called this form “Marriage X-ray”. In this form, they are to diagnose their marriage problems themselves while he helped them proffer solutions. It was truly an unusual way to counsel couples who are in trouble in their marriages.
The form consist of the following: Starting, Preparing, Learning, Praying, Forgiving, Reconciling, Thinking, Acting, Relating, Submitting, Loving, Talking and Romancing.
He asked them to fill the form individually and score their marriage on each of the points on the list. What they scored each other surprised both of them and it helped the man of God to get to the roots of their marital problems and resolve their differences.
I want us to try the same thing on your marriage. Let me explain each of the issue on the list before you X-ray your marriage.
STARTING: Check your marriage. How did you start? Was it in Christ? Was all righteousness fulfilled? Did you get your parental and pastoral blessing? Was your courtship based on righteousness or full of sexual immoralities? Starting involves making up your mind on whom to marry. This must be done with the future in mind and not to satisfy immediate desires. This is where many people miss it. They marry for “Christmas” but fail to remember that not every day is Christmas. If you are in this shoe, sit down with your spouse to see where you both missed it and rebuild your home.
You will need to check your foundation, perhaps the issue affecting your marriage is foundational.
PREPARING: This involves getting ready for marriage. What were you supposed to do that you never did? Who mentored and counseled you? Did you attend any pre-marital training or any counseling session? How many marriage related books did you read before your wedding? How many marriage oriented seminars did you attend? Did you ever prepare for this marriage or like most people you just prepared for your wedding and went on to trust that all will be well?
LEARNING: Since you got married how many books on marriage have you read? How many marriage and family oriented seminars have you attended? Who is your marriage mentor? Are you really learning about marriage and family life?
PRAYING: How many times do you pray for your marriage per week? Do you pray for your spouse regularly? Do you pray with your spouse daily? Do you have a strong, vibrant and consistent family altar?
FORGIVING: Do you easily forgive each other? Have you gone beyond keeping offense in your heart?
RECONCILING: How many days does it take before you reconcile whenever you have differences? Do you regularly involve third party before being able to reconcile? Do you still feel hurt in spite of the reconciliation? How To Rebuild Your Marriage For Better Romance
THINKING: What is in your heart about your spouse? Do you feel you married the best spouse? Do you have hate in your heart towards your mate? If you are to marry now and your spouse is available will you have married him or her?
ACTING: Has your spouse been complaining about your attitude? Are there attitudes in your spouse that you hate?
RELATING: Do you see your spouse as a friend? Do you relate like lovers? Can you easily play together? Can you gist? Do you laugh together? How are you relating with his or her family members? How To Rebuild Your Marriage For Better Romance
APPRECIATING: Do you say “thank you” regularly? Do you appreciate little things? Do you appreciate each other for who you are? Do you appreciate the person of your spouse?
LOVING: Are you lovers? Are you in love? Do you play love? Do you make love or you just mate? Is there an atmosphere of love in your home? Husbands are you really a lover of your wife? Do you speak her love language? Does she feel loved? How To Rebuild Your Marriage For Better Romance
TALKING: Are you talking or just making noise? Do you talk like friends or like rival? Are you passing real message across or you are just blaming and shaming each other?
LISTENING: How is your listening habit? Do you totally listen or you watch TV as you do? Do you listen with your heart open or you listen while thinking of how to reply?
ROMANCING: Are you romantic? Do you play together? Do you enjoy being alone together? Do you laugh together?
Based on the result gotten when Mr. and Mrs. Lordham filled their Marriage X-ray form, Pa Gabby was able to detect the real problems in their Marriage. However, he first explained each of the items on the marriage X-Ray form before helping them to rebuild their love; he called it Marriage Build up. How To Rebuild Your Marriage For Better Romance
Marriage involves building up and re-building up and this must be done every day. You will have to learn to connect and reconnect daily. Marriage itself is a work in progress. It is a journey and never a destination. It is a journey of forever and there is no time you will be through with the project.
It will help you greatly to use this list to x-ray and examine your marriage and family life. Rebuild wherever you’ve been found wanting and build a better family life-a Marriage of your dreams. How To Rebuild Your Marriage For Better Romance
Pastor Bisi Adewale is a family and relationship expert; author of Secret of Irresistible Wife and more than 70 other books on marriage and family life. You can reach him on familybooster@gmail.com, 08068312004, Whatsaap 08051512823, BB: 2AF5C883, Blog: www.bisiadewale.com, facebook.com/PastorBisiAdewale.Twitter @bisiadewale
