INTIMACY FACTORS THAT MAKE MARRIAGES FAIL
-Bisi Adewale
INTIMACY FACTORS THAT MAKE MARRIAGES FAIL
As earlier noted, a strong marriage is fueled by the presence of intimacy, while its absence snuffs out the life of any marriage. Marriage is an intimate relationship; it should be left that way. When intimacy takes a flight in any marriage, what it will leave behind is frustration and destruction, so we need to look at intimacy factors that can destroy a home closely.
INTIMACY FACTORS THAT MAKE MARRIAGES FAIL
- Lack of leaving and cleaving. For most people, marriage is just an annex of their roots. There is no way a marriage can work without the leaving and cleaving experience. God created the marriage institution for just two people of the opposite sex and any effort to include a third party will be the doom of that union.
Solution: Detach emotionally, financially, mentally, socially and spiritually from your parents, siblings, friends, etc and cleave to your own spouse. In other words, your life should cease to revolve around those people or even allow them to control you. Once you are married, they all drop to the third position in your life, God being first, your spouse next and others last. Any form of bias should only be in favour of your spouse and none else. Lavish your spouse with undiluted love, attention and support.
INTIMACY FACTORS THAT MAKE MARRIAGES FAIL
- Lack of Acceptance. Familiarity, they say, breeds contempt. Knowledge of your spouse’s weaknesses due to proximity should not make you desire to change him or her. We want to change our spouses’ outlook, complexion, job, dressing, intonation, styles, etc. As the husband wants to change the wife, the wife is trying to change the husband but nobody wants to change which results in confusion, strife, hatred and in-house battle.INTIMACY FACTORS THAT MAKE MARRIAGES FAIL
Solution: You can’t change anybody, you can only change yourself. Accept your partner for who he or she is. Your plan to change your spouse will only turn you into a nag and a difficult partner. If you desire that your spouse should change at all, go down on your knees to pray but appreciate any little change you notice. Your wife is the best while your husband is the best. Picture your wife as the lily (Songs of Solomon 2:2) your husband as an apple (Songs of Solomon 2:3). Stand out above others and accept your spouse.
- To drift means to move or go somewhere without any plan or purpose. To go from one situation or condition to another without realizing it. When people drift apart in marriage or relationship, it means their marriage or relationship gradually ends. Never permit drifting in your marriage. Most couples begin to drift immediately after their honey moon, ending up with a huge gulf between people that were once lovers. This gives room for suspicions, negative thinking, evil imagination, distrust, hatred, etc.
Solution: Watch your closeness level intently. Once any changed is discovered, no matter how little, call each other to talk about it. Drifting is a natural phenomenon but intimacy is its antidote. Talk regularly and intimately. pray together. Play together, dance together, crack jokes, spend time together, make love regularly as you guard your marriage from failure.
- Lack of playfulness. The first sign that couples are drifting appears when they can’t catch some fun together. Couples that do not play together will definitely fight each other, sooner or later.
Solution: Please always remember that, it is easier to get intimate with the person we play with than with the person we work with. Descend to the level of your wife, play with her. Playfulness is the mother of romance. Margret Thatcher is a turn off at home. When it is time to play, no woman can keep her man or even excite him with a straight face. Relax and give your man a charming smile.
- Absence of Humour. If you can’t crack jokes with your wife, believe me, your marriage is difficult. If you can’t laugh with your husband, something is wrong somewhere. You can’t be fighting each other yet laugh simultaneously. Jokes and laughter are evidences of peace. They are the signs of joy and the foundation of romance.INTIMACY FACTORS THAT MAKE MARRIAGES FAIL
Solution: Form the habit of joking with each other. Relax, be playful. Don’t be too serious with each other. Relax, smile, laugh, enjoy your marriage.
- Lack of Bonding. Bonding in marriage is the state of oneness, unity, intimacy, closeness and commitment. When bonding is absent, that marriage is in danger. Most couples are not bonded. They are in matrimony but not in harmony with each other. They are in the house but not in love. This is the reason divorce courts are filled with people who want to break their marriages today.
Solution: Bonding is not a destination but a journey. You have to cultivate it and work at it daily. To bond, involve the Holy Spirit in your marriage. Cleave to your spouse, trust each other, be faithful, spend adequate time together, fellowship with each other, pray and read the Bible together. Talk as friends, see each other as lovers and be committed to God, each other and your marriage.
- Failure to express love to each other. Whenever there is a public display of affection, it is very easy to guess right that the lovebirds are unmarried. Hardly do you see couples express their love for each other in private, let alone in public. Consequently, when doubts begin to arise in the heart of each party involved, they begin to withdraw into their individual’s shells, the cycle continues until it becomes a great problem.
Solution: Don’t just love your spouse, express it. Go ahead, say it, show it and do it. Do yourself a favour by showing your love to your spouse. Praise and appreciate your spouse. Give thoughtful gifts. By all means, grow your marriage by showing your love to your spouse.
INTIMACY FACTORS THAT MAKE MARRIAGES FAIL
