How To Prevent Love Reduction In Marriage
-Bisi Adewale
When you notice any of the following in your marriage know that love reduction is gradually eating deep into your home:
(a) Loneliness. If your spouse is with you but you are still feeling lonely, desolate and dejected, check it. Something is already wrong with your marriage, even if you are not yet fighting. How To Prevent Love Reduction In Marriage How To Prevent Love Reduction In Marriage How To Prevent Love Reduction In Marriage
(b) Lack of excitement. You are no more excited about the home coming of your spouse, you are no more looking forward to seeing him/her and nothing excites you about him/her. How To Prevent Love Reduction In Marriage How To Prevent Love Reduction In Marriage How To Prevent Love Reduction In Marriage
(c) You don’t miss her/him. Even if he travels for months, you don’t feel the absence. Rather you are happy, “he/she that troubles Israel has travelled”.
(d) Emotional block. To have emotional block towards somebody is not to have any feeling for that person. His/her joy does not give you joy; the sadness does not affect you and you may even be happy to see the person in pains. That is the state men that beat their wives are. They are happy to see their wive in tears and agony. If you notice this in your marriage, you better look for help immediately before it is too late.
(e) Constant misunderstanding. If you discover you disagree often and virtually on everything, you should know that something is wrong because lovers do agree.
(f) Absence of romance. In those days, you can hug, kiss, hold hands and enjoy each other’s company. But now, hardly can you touch each other for long except for sexual intercourse.
(g) Constant breakdown of communication, stalemate and malice. This are great signs of erosion and drifting. Lovers talk easily and agree quickly.
(h) Avoidance of each other. You try as much as possible to avoid each other and feel more at home when you are at work and feel under pressure when you are at home.
(i) Sex becomes tasking. Sex is supposed to be pleasurable between couples. Both partners should look forward to it with nostalgia. They should enjoy giving their bodies to each freely, lovingly and totally without any inhibition. But it becomes a task when the wife continues to deny the man of her body with complaint of headaches, tiredness or gives him the “brush treatment”, saying “do whatever you want to do and let me sleep”. That means something is definitely wrong with your love life. Lovers enjoy sex.
(j) Absence of joy and pleasure
(k) Enjoying the company of others than that of your spouse. This is another good sign of erosion. You find it easier to invest love on somebody else, thereby neglecting your spouse.
(l) Secret desire for another man/woman. Enjoying the company of others may graduate to secret desire for that person which shows another level of drifting and erosion of love and may lead to infidelity.
(m) Nagging, complaint, criticism, condemnation and comparison of one’s partner with somebody else are all symptoms of erosion of love in marriage
(n) Bad Communication. Lack of deep, heart-to-heart communication between spouses indicates erosion of love
(o) Absence of humour. Absence of jaw-cracking jokes among couples is a good sign of drifting and erosion of love. A marriage without humour is like a car without bumper-, very ugly. Lovers are always humorous; friends throw banters.
(p) Constant outburst of anger. The root of anger is pride and hatred. If there is constant outburst of anger in your marriage, then know that there is erosion of love.
(q) Difficulty to forgive and keeping records of evil deeds are all signs of erosion of love is marriage.
(r) Reporting one’s partner to third party is another sign that love is sick.
(s) Keeping secrets from one’s spouse. Hiding things from one’s partner and failure to be open and plain are pointers to erosion of love. Lovers are open.
(t) Lack of commitment to one’s spouse and marriage vows indicates erosion and drifting.
(u) General discontentment with one’s partner when his/her look and way of life no longer impress you, leading to constant complaints, it is a sign that something is not well at home.
How to deal prevent Love Reduction in Marriage
If erosion of love is not stopped at early stage, it will grow to something difficult to handle. It therefore creates a big gulf between once happy couples. Please note that marriage is like a garden; it will grow wild-weed if it is not tendered. Therefore, we need to watch-out and tender our marriage jealously. Erosion of love can be dealt with in two ways:
PREVENTION
Prevention is said to be better than cure and “immunisation is better than antidote”. Therefore, all couples should prevent erosion in their marriages. To be frank with you, there is no marriage that is naturally protected from erosion; it is the duty of couples to prevent it. There is a Nigerian proverb that says “Erosion will make attempts to destroy a house but it is the owner of the house that will not allow it”. To prevent erosion in your marriage, please do the following:
(1) Deliberately build intimacy in your marriage. Since intimacy is the real target of erosion, you must do everything to protect it. Do things together always. Sleep together in the same room and on the same bed. Make no room for daddy’s or mummy’s room.; be together. What God has joined together, let no room put asunder. Talk together. Eat together. Bath, play, travel, plan, prepare and rejoice together.
(2) Speak the truth in love. Never speak to hurt your partner. No matter how bitter the truth is, say it with love and mildly. Say it not to hurt, but with care and submission to the Holy Spirit and your partner (Ephesian 4:15).
(3) Forgive easily. This is fundamental to the success of any home. Forgive your partner with ease.
(4) Never fail to apologise. Apologise freely whenever you offend your spouse. Say “I am sorry” often, if you don’t want your marriage to be in a sorry state, learn to say “I AM SORRY”
(5) Say “I love you” often; never outgrow it.
(6) Never compare your partner with anybody. Be satisfied with your spouse. I know he/she is not a saint but find the contentment in him/her for enjoyment and peace of mind.
(7) Keep communication line open. Never nag or keep malice.
(8) Create time to rest together. If you don’t rest together, you will put your home under arrest.
(9) Do house chores together. Do not leave babysitting to your wife alone.
(10) Offer generous surprise packages.
(11) Read marriage books and magazines. Attend marriage seminars and learn more about marriage always.
(12) Always remember that a perfect marriage is a marriage that is growing daily to perfection. Therefore, keep working on yourselves and improve your marriage.
(13) Seek counsel. Seek counsel from your pastor or a professional marriage counsellor. Never feel too big for it.
(14) Never allow third party to come between you.
(15) Be open to each other; no secrecy.
(16) Never allow your children to come between you and your spouse.
(17) Pregnancy is not a disease; it is just a phase in the history of your marital life. Never allow pregnancy to erode your love life.
(18) Give room for constant hugging, petting, caressing and touching. Do these many times without love making.
(19) Enjoy each other’s company
(20) Never go to bed without settling your dispute
(21) Never refer to past misunderstanding. Forward ever, backward never
(22) Make your spouse’s weak point a matter of prayer. This is better than nagging
(23) Appreciate and commend each other generously
(24) Enjoy good, long and passionate sexual intercourse together. Give your body to your partner. Woman, avoid wearing jeans knickers or tight to bed. Don’t destroy your home from the bedroom. Practise long foreplay before sex. Communicate freely about your sexual life. It is holy and righteous to do so. Let love flow in your marriage. Sex is a gift from God therefore enjoy it together.
(25) Go to marriage school. To become a nurse, you must go to a nursing school; to become a doctor, you must pass through the medical school. To be certified as a driver, you must have passed through the driving school. In the same vein, to make the most of your marriage you need to attend marriage school. You will be doing yourself a lot of favour if you enrol in our COLLEGE OF MARITAL SUCCESS .For more information;send a mail to:familybooster@yahoo.com for more information.
Pastor Bisi Adewale is a family and relationship expert; author of Secret of Irresistible Wife and more than 70 other books on marriage and family life. You can reach him on familybooster@gmail.com, 08068312004, 08051512823, BB: 2AF5C883, Blog: www.bisiadewale.com, Website:www.familybooster.com facebook.com/PastorBisiAdewale.Twitter@bisiadewale
