HANDLING MULTIPLE MARRIAGE PROPOSALS
By Yomi Adewale
We see marriage proposals happening every now and then with different carnival-like display, dramatic and creative approach being displayed by guys/brothers of marriageable age. We see where two or more brothers/guys will ask for a lady’s hand in marriage.
Please, note that I am aware of many cultures and ways marriage proposals are done in our modern days. But I am more concerned about ladies getting it right and not hooking up with a wrong person for marriage. It is not how romantic or modernized a proposal is that determines the success of the marital journey. It is how well you get it right through God and the right knowledge to choose with spiritual eyes and understanding.
Let me remind you that we have different people in the world and whoever you marry determines a lot about your life, future, career, health and most importantly, your eternity.
We have the following categories of men in the marriage ocean to choose from:
(1) Destiny Destroyers: This is describing someone who is not created and ordained for you but organised by the devil-like Amnon (2 Samuel 13) and Delilah. A child of God that wants peace in marriage, who wants to enjoy the marital journey and not endure it should be aware that an unbeliever, a backslider, a divorcee or already married man is not meant for you.
This category of men need salvation and the grace to be saved comes from God only, not an individual. If you get married to a child of perdition, your life will be doomed and sentenced to agony. The end of sorrow and pain in the journey may never be soonest. Joshua 23:11-13
(2) Destiny Neutralizers: With this set of men, your beautiful life and destiny get neutralized when you hook up with him. This man will make your life and destiny ineffective. Whatever vision you carry, he will not support. In fact, he will make sure you are incapable of achieving great things. He will not be supportive for you to advance in a career, academic and any professional attainment. Because he is insecure, he will feel threatened with any progressive step you want to take. He will not believe in your purpose in life and every effort to move forward will be hindered by him because he will be envious of your effort to move the family forward. You can see that this kind of person is dangerous to partner with through the journey of life. Ecclesiastes 4:9
(3) Destiny Retrogressing/Stagnating Agent: This kind of person is all out to put you on a spot by draining every potential and virtue in you. He wants to take your money and make you a servant forever. He wants you to be worse off like Shechem in Genesis 34:1-2, that took away an important aspect of the life of Dinah the daughter of Leah and Jacob.
(4) Destiny Promoters/Boosters: This is a man that God has ordained to be a blessing to you and vice versa, the one you will live to demonstrate your ministry of help as given to you by God in Genesis 2:18. He is the man that will be your head and not your headache. He is the man that will get your back and not your hunch back. He is the man that will give you peace and not tear your life into pieces. He is the man that will value you and not drag you in the mud. He is the man that will support you and vice versa. He is the man you can submit too. He will love Christ and love you as well. He will want to serve God with you and he will be genuine with the right motive.
In making a godly and good choice of who to marry, you must examine any brother in the line with categories of men in the world today as listed above. That will confirm whether you want to give his proposal any consideration or not. Your prayer should be to get married to a destiny booster. May the Lord lead you aright and may you be willing to obey God in Jesus name.
Please note that we are not talking about proposals to be a girlfriend or a mere dating partner here, we are talking about someone saying ‘Be my wife’ and ‘Let us spend the future and rest of our lives together.’
No matter the number of brothers asking for your hand in marriage, know fully that God is not an author of confusion. It may be one of them or none of them.
For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints. 1 Corinthians 14:33
When you have a serious proposal from many brothers, prayerfully apply the following wisely because wisdom is profitable to direct: Ecclesiastes 10:10
– Keep calm, don’t be in haste to respond to any of them.
– Don’t appear and behave desperately. Such attitude sends the wrong signal to the guy and makes them feel you are at his mercy.
– Don’t appear to be a cheap girl even if God has revealed any of them to you in the past. You still need further confirmation and conviction.
– Avoid making any demand on any of them to determine the highest bidder, don’t start asking for money and gifts or asking for different outings to expensive places and draining their pockets. That is very ungodly.
– Don’t sound rude to any of them, behave wisely and respectfully. There is a tendency to behave unruly to any of them you have reservations about.
– No sentiment in your heart and action. Remove every skeleton in your cupboard. If you already love one above others because of certain prejudice, you will not be sincere with God and yourself. This is because your mind is made up and God will not be able to lead you.
– No unnecessary affinity. You need to be mature at this stage so that you won’t force yourself on a wrong person.
– Be careful about getting intimate with his family. Don’t make them regard you as a daughter-in-law when you are not sure about him yet.
– No sex as a sign of interest in him. Sex before marriage is a sin of fornication Hebrews 13:4. When you use sex to bribe him to marry you, he wouldn’t trust you in marriage and every of your move to him will be suspicious.
– Pray through and be fully convinced: Do not pick any of them for wrong reasons or motives. Never say yes because of material things and basis that have no eternal value and future relevance. Ensure you seek the face of God in fasting and praying. Allow God to lead you, your naked eyes will see the physical (container) while your spiritual eyes will reveal many things about now and the future (the content). Matthew 7:21, Romans 8:14.
– Carry out a background check: After you are convinced, check many things about the person’s character, genuine love for you, academic background, residency, family and upbringing. Subject him to scrutiny for your good. If your counsellor requests to see him for interrogation, intercession and confirmation, don’t shield him from coming. The process is for your good.
– Have regard for your denomination biblical doctrine, policies and marital procedure.
– Seek godly counsel. There are some things that may not be too clear to you. You need someone who is more experienced and the Holy Spirit to guide you aright. Proverbs 24
– No undue delay after conviction: When God has already responded and prospered your way, no need for further delay. Give your consent answer and allow others to move on with their lives. If it is none of them, Don’t tie anyone of them down by vain promises or just feeling good to have them already without the intention of getting married to any of them.
– After you have given consent to any of them with much prayers, godly counsel, conviction, background check, future considerations and lots more, never keep others as extra tyres as we have for our vehicle in case one is flat. Do not keep them as Plan B in mind or in attitude. That will mean you are double-dealing which is not Biblical.
But above all things, my brethren, swear not, neither by heaven, neither by the earth, neither by any other oath, but let your yea be yea, and your nay, nay, lest ye fall into condemnation. James 5:12 (KJV)