Causes Of Monotony In Marriage
Bisi Adewale
MONOTONOUS MARRIAGE– It is a boring marriage, full of routine. Romance has been shot dead, friendship has flown, playfulness has reduced to a dot, and communication has dried up. There is boredom in the bedroom, loneliness, “alone-ness”, solo syndrome, unmet expectation, focus only on job and career or on children, enjoying the company of others instead of being with one’s spouse, loving to travel away from home, or coming late from office without any justifiable reasons for it.
CAUSES OF MONOTONY IN MARRIAGE
Things that do make marriage to become monotonous can be divided into two:
- External causes
- Internal causes
- External causes involve the following:
- Daily routine. If you allow your marital life to form a pattern, a routine, then it will get to a stage you will get bored. That is why you need to learn to spice up your marriage. On routine bases, you need to begin to do something that is unusual to each other, like dating each other, playing together, eating out, etc.
- Irritation. Living together will reveal some “bad” aspects of your spouse to you, which can be irritating. If you focus on this irritation, you will get bored with your marriage. But if you learn to live above them, you will discover that they are not really irritating after all.
- Family pressure. Demands of parental care for new born babies, extended family, etc can also make family life to be difficult. Pray about your pressure, talk about them, and don’t allow them to control your life.
- Financial pressure. This can also affect intimacy in marriage. Romance may be difficult when bills are rising and account is in red, but with openness, and trust in God you can also overcome. Never allow money to destroy your marriage.
- Jobs, religious and social commitment can affect love life. We can handle this by taking less responsibility outside the home and learn how to spend the little time you have together judiciously.
Internal Causes
These are things we cause through our actions, reactions and inaction. They are:
- Lack of communication : When communication become dry and drab
- Lack of attention: If you don’t intentionally see the reason to create time to be with your spouse
- Withholding of affection: When the love of your spouse is only existing in your heart but fail to express it
- Failure to appreciate: When you don’t appreciate your spouse for the good you received but seeing it as a right
- Routine sex life: There is boredom in the bedroom, nothing fascinate you about your spouse.
- Sexual denial: When couple denial each other sex and make their bedroom a war zone.
- Deliberately hurting each other: Some couples delight in hurting each other.
- Lack of togetherness: Marriage cannot work if couple is not always be togetherness
- Wrong association : There is nothing that destroys a great marriage like this
One wise man said, “Marriage becomes uninteresting and very difficult when it is starved of its food of communication, affection, attention and appreciation”.
Pastor Bisi Adewale is a family and relationship expert; author of Secret of Irresistible Wife and more than 70 other books on marriage and family life. You can reach him on familybooster@gmail.com, 08068312004, Whatsaap 08051512823, BB: 2AF5C883, Blog: www.bisiadewale.com, facebook.com/PastorBisiAdewale.Twitter @bisiadewale
