THINK YOUR WAY TO A GREAT MARRIAGE (SOS 4:1-7)
Bisi Adewale
THINK YOUR WAY TO A GREAT MARRIAGE
Your marriage success or otherwise is based on the mental principles you uphold in your home. Your mind matters. The way you think determines the way you relate with your spouse. Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life (Prov.4:23).THINK YOUR WAY TO A GREAT MARRIAGE
KINDS OF MARRIAGES
- BATTLE-FIELD MARRIAGE
Better is a dry morsel and quietness therewith, than a house full of sacrifices with strife Proverbs 17:1. Many homes are full of battles, a place like the boxing arena where the couple fights fiercely. They unleash their worst weapons against each other. Malice, bickering, hatred, bitter rivalry, envy, murderous thoughts, brawls, cold war, hurts are few of the weapons of battle. Many couples in this kind of marriage think of marriage as a battle field and they determine to fight their way through.
- POOR MARRIAGE
Though these are not battle-field marriages, yet they are not really enjoyable. The couple is not the best of friends. They don’t see each other as lovers; playfulness, deep communication, bonding, intimacy, mutual respect is zero. The home completely lacks unity. The only difference between the poor and battle-field marriage is that, couples in the battle-field marriage see themselves as rivals and/or enemies and they seek every opportunity to fight and hurt themselves. However, a poor marriage has not gotten to that level. Even though the couple neither enjoys any real time together nor sees each other as lovers, yet each does not consider the other party an enemy.
- GOOD MARRIAGE
These are fair marriages. They are by far better than the first two. The couple relates better as husband and wife, but not as friends and lovers. Outsiders will think it is the best marriage, but the persons involved know they can get something better.THINK YOUR WAY TO A GREAT MARRIAGE
- GREAT MARRIAGE
Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun. Eccl. 9:9. This is God’s idea of marriage.
It is a marriage full of joy, peace and tranquility, a marriage of intimacy, bonding and unity. It is characterized by care, service, sacrifice, laughter, playfulness and friendship. This is what marriage should be. It is not just good, it is great. The couple doesn’t pretend to be good to each other. They really have a nice time; it is a marriage of romance, enjoyment and pleasure.
The kind of marriage you are going to have depends on the thinking on which your marriage is founded. A great marriage is not by accident; it is a result of positive concept.
MARRIAGE CONCEPTS
The following are basic marriage concepts worldwide:
- Error Partnership Thinking. This will definitely lead to a battlefield marriage. It is driven by some unwholesome thoughts a partner has about marriage on one hand and, on the other about the other partner.
‘’I married wrongly; I shouldn’t have married this man or woman.”
“You are wicked.”
“This marriage is a mistake.”
“You are a minus in my life.”
“This marriage cannot work.”
“You are a witch.”
“My partner is unfaithful.”
“How I wish I had married that other person.”
“The husband/wife of so and so is better than mine.”
“The husband/wife of so and so is more beautiful or handsome than mine.”
“My spouse does not love me.”
“I cannot forgive him/her.”
“It is fire for fire.”
- Cheating Partnership Thinking. This kind of thinking will also give birth to a battlefield or poor marriage. It involves the following thoughts:
“I am giving more than I am receiving in this marriage.”
“My spouse is not giving me enough attention.”
“My husband is not showing me enough love.”
“My wife is not giving me enough respect.”
“My husband is not providing enough for me.”
“How I wish I had married somebody who would have appreciated me better.”
“My spouse is cheating on me.”
“All she knows is money; she is good for nothing.”
- Negative Privilege Thinking. This often leads to a poor marriage, making the union a difficulty one. A partner entertains these thoughts about the other partner:
“You are privileged to have married me.”
“If not for me, there wouldn’t have been you.”
“I am doing more for you.”
“I made you.”
“If not for me, your life….”
“I took you from nobody and made you somebody.”
“You owe me a lot.”
“You should be thanking me forever.”
Thoughts like these will nurture pride and prompt a partner to make unreasonable demands on the other partner, making the marriage difficult.
- Equal Privilege Thinking. This will lead to a good marriage. It is 50/50, middle-way matrimony or trade by barter home. It involves the following thought:
“I am privileged to marry you, but you are privileged to marry me.”
“We are privileged to marry each other.”
“I made you, you made me.”
“We are both gaining from each other.”
This kind of thought may not be there in your marriage initially. But, at a stage you may start looking forward to having your partner serve you before you can do the same, thereby making it a marriage pushed by reciprocity. If the partner is not able to serve you, it generates anger and misunderstandings. That is the major reason many marriages have problems when one of the partners loses his job or is unable to work.THINK YOUR WAY TO A GREAT MARRIAGE
- Positive Privilege Thinking. This will lead to a great marriage. It involves the following thoughts:
“Thank God I married you.”
“You are a gift from God to me.”
“I’m privileged to be married you.”
“What can I do without you?”
“You are a plus in my life.”
“I am gaining more in this marriage.”
“I am enjoying myself in this marriage.”
“My husband loves me.”
“My wife respects and honours me.”
“Thank you for marrying me.”
“If not for you in my life….”
“Thank you for everything.”
“I married the right man or woman.”THINK YOUR WAY TO A GREAT MARRIAGE
Your thoughts affect the health of your marriage. If you think right, you will get it right. Nobody can grow higher than his thoughts. Take good care of your thought and it will take good care of your marriage and destiny.THINK YOUR WAY TO A GREAT MARRIAGE
Pastor Bisi Adewale is a family and relationship expert; author of Secret of Irresistible Wife and more than 70 other books on marriage and family life. You can reach him on familybooster@gmail.com, 08068312004, 08051512823, BB: 2AF5C883, Blog: www.bisiadewale.com, Website:www.familybooster.com facebook.com/PastorBisiAdewale.Twitter@bisiadewale
