Marriage

How To Manage The Seasons & Stages In Marriage

May 18, 2016

1838

Bisi Oludare

There are lots of unresolved knotty issues in marriage leading to separation or even divorce today purposely because couples neglect the needed things they must take very seriously after the wedding. It must be known that wedding and marriage are two different things while the former is a ceremony of just a day or two, the latter is till eternity which is a union of two people (male and female; not male and male or female and female) that leads to a family tie.
Before the wedding day is just a stage where the to-be couples get to know themselves not carnally called COURTSHIP STAGE. It has been seen over the years that people act during courtship not showing the real them.
Here are some of the six major stages every marriage is likely to go through which can either make or mar the marriage depending on their approach to life and issues at each of the stages.
•Honeymoon Stage
•Realisation Stage
•Nagging Stage
•Explosive Stage
•Avoidance Stage
•Divorce stage
The Honeymoon Stage is the first stage in any marriage and usually all the couples look forward to this. They even have a special discussion before their wedding day on how and where it will be spent because they believe it must be memorable. But I ask you, what happens after that? It is usually a great experience and couples usually wish it lasts more than the number of days or weeks they will be spending. It is the stage of their first time together intimately.
After this romantically sweet phase is the Realisation Stage which is very challenging for most people. It is the stage that needs a lot of patience to go through because it’s where they start knowing who the other person really is. Fault-finding starts- he snores too much, she’s dirty, I thought she can cook better and a host of other unpleasant things. If they are not very careful, they start to breakaway from here. Communication is key to the survival of any home. You must talk well but not complaining about everything. Be tolerant and with time, you will adjust. It is a stage I call the phase of “Learning with Patience and Love.” This is a stage where you need to adjust so as to create room to accommodate your partner and your level of adaptability must be high. Always remember, adjustment in marriage is inevitable and it’s the heartbeat of any marriage because you must keep shifting ground and your beliefs.
The Nagging Stage, I have heard men complain that this nagging thing is common to women. She’s not accommodating, nags at everything, she’s choleric and the list is endless. But I want to tell men, care must be taken here, don’t find who is wrong because pointing accusing fingers worsen the situation. Just watch what makes her nag, if it’s what you need to change to make her happy, please don’t hesitate to do but if she’s misunderstanding you then talk in a way she will get you clearly. Communicate very well your displeasure with love and seek to build your home together.
The Explosive Stage, it’s a very complicated stage with challenges of life unconsciously taking them away. It’s indeed explosive with each spouse spitting fire because of the things they are going through probably from work and they feel their partner isn’t paying attention. Now everything either of the spouse does irritates the other. They are both easily driven to anger and once angry anything can happen. They tend to talk uncourteously. That is not needed, until you communicate what the challenge is, you don’t expect him/her to know because you are not married to a witch that can read what’s on your mind. If “Professional Counselor’s” help is not sought, the next stage comes in.
The Avoidance Stage is just as good as they are separated. The husband stops eating at home, keeps late night and doesn’t even want to see the wife. Here they both have friends they discuss issues of their home with and if with an opposite sex, especially one with an ulterior motive, that’s danger. They live under the same roof but hardly talk or do things together as couples because of bitterness of heart. They can’t even stand themselves no more.
Divorce Stage, sure this explains itself and for believers we know it’s not an option at all. Looking for a legal means to break God’s own union is very bad. Malachi 2:16
Though in most cases with the stages that are mentioned, are modifications but majorly every home tends to face any of those stages depending on how they sort issues in their home. The great news about this whole thing is, if couples put their heads together and pass through each of these stages successfully without falling apart, there is every possibility of returning back to the Honeymoon Stage where they continue to live a life of all round bliss. With each day of their lives being another romantic adventure.
I want to encourage and implore you, work at making your marriage excellent. It is the business and work of the two of you. There will be rough roads to go through and rough edges to smoothen but with your head straight up through self discipline, determination of heart and prayer you will overcome. Make up your mind to get the best out of your marriage and make your home a model. Remember, nobody can change a fellow man but in marriage you as a person change for your spouse to change.

How To Manage The Seasons & Stages In Marriage
I would love to advice here that as couples, don’t take the place of a Professional Counselor for granted and have a marriage mentor who is accessible not a mentor by proxy. Once you see that unpleasant things are evolving, seek help. Not everything is prayer but at times a little bit of action and character molding. Please whenever needed, seek help together. That is wisdom and all it takes to build a successful home is the wisdom of God.
Finally, let me share this caption I saw somewhere with you “WHEN NAILS GROW LONG, WE CUT THE NAILS AND NOT THE FINGERS. SIMILARLY WHEN MISUNDERSTANDING GROW UP, CUT YOUR EGO NOT YOUR RELATIONSHIP.”

How To Manage The Seasons & Stages In Marriage