Sex in Marriage – Level of sex in Marriage

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Sex in Marriage – Level of sex in Marriage

Sex in Marriage – Level of sex in Marriage

– Bisi Adewale
Sex in marriage has levels. We need to understand these levels, check our marriages, renew our love and sex life for a joyful and fulfilling marital life.
(1) Resentment level: This is the lowest level of sexual relationship in marriage. At this stage, one (mostly women) or both partners resent sex; some women hate it with passion. They can do anything for their husbands but not sex. Ignorance, inhibition, mentality, wrong information, wrong conception, myth, bitterness, anger, emotional hurt or foolishness are some of the things that can make a woman to resent sex. Past sexual life such as rape, lesbianism, sexual molestation as a child and masturbation can also make a lady to resent it. Marriages at this level are on the brink of collapse. Married partners should do everything to deliberately move their marriages from this level. In fact, it is ungodly and unrighteous (1Cor.7:1-5), you need to change your attitude towards sex to get the best in your marriage.
(2) Encroachment level: This is the level at which a woman sees her husband as using her or encroaching on her “privacy”. She sees sex as a chore, a task; she disdains it and does everything to avoid it. Some do go to bed wearing jeans knickers, tight or trousers. Some do put their babies on their chest as they sleep at night. A woman told me that she abandoned her room and started  sleeping with the children in their room knowing well that her husband would not come and meet her there. A pastor’s wife said, she normally fasts for about 200 days a year and one of the reasons is to avoid sex. Women of this level are fond of complaining about “headaches”, “backaches”, “tiredness” “I want to sleep”, etc. But they should know that one of their duties as a wife is to satisfy their husbands sexually. For a better marriage, husbands too should know that it is their duty to give their wives sexual fulfilment.
(3) Involvement level: At this level, husbands and wives are having sex unlike those at encroachment level. but their sex life involves only the body and not the soul. They give sex, not to enjoy it themselves, but “to give peace a chance”. Hence, they open their laps, close their eyes and say in their hearts “do whatever you want to do and let me be (sleep)”, thereby laying down there as a log of wood, no matter what the man does, it does not touch any hair on their bodies. This is giving what is known as “cadaveric  sex”. Women that give sex as a reward, use it as a weapon, trade-by-barter, etc are also found here.
(4) Enjoyment level: Both partners are involved in sex in their marriage. They do have sex and enjoy it (men especially), women do have orgasm once in a while and enjoy it, but not always. At this level, there are still inhibitions as couples see sex as too sacred to be discussed. Some see it as something that must not take place on a certain day or period. They see it as dirty, hence must be done only for procreation or pleasure once in a while. At this level, couples believe no other method must be used except the “missionary style” (man on top). No other place should be used except their bedroom, in the night, in darkness, and in perfect silence. Couples at this level may have sex regularly, but are not fulfilled. They both know that something is missing. The man thinks of only himself and ejaculation, he doesn’t believe in foreplay, all he does is grab his wife, drag her to the slaughter slab(bed), order her to remove her clothes and her panties and lie down, jump on her and “down load” within two minutes and sleep away into the night few minutes later.
Couples at this level will still be having continuous misunderstanding about sex in their marriages because both of them will be left unfulfilled, thereby looking for fulfilment anyway. It can lead to constant demand for sex from the man thinking “quantity will bring fulfilment instead of “quality”. It can also lead to infidelity, if not improved upon just like the three previous levels can also do.
(5) Fulfilment level: This is the level God wants all sex in marriage to be. “Let her breast and tender embrace satisfy you (give you fulfilment)”Proverbs 5:19.
Here, quality of sex is very high; couples have removed all veils from their sex life. They discuss it. The man is a skilful lover  (skilful “sexer”) while the woman is exciting, loving, generous in bed, involved, and do everything to make every sexual experience exciting for her husband,  thereby turning her home to a garden of Eden,  retaining honey moon in her house; enjoying her sex life, her man and her marriage as she becomes a skilful ‘sexee’.

Bisi Adewale is a family expert and president of college of marital success, He is an international conference speaker and an author of more than 40 books on marriage and family life, singles, love, sex and purity and intimacy. He is the host of family T.V. program called Family Booster Momments.
Get daily lesson and teaching and articles from his blog: bisiadewale.com and You can also get his resources and also send a mail to familybooster01@yahoo.com. Visit https://bisiadewale.com for daily updating!

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Sex in Marriage – Level of sex in Marriage