Why Churches Ask Intending Married Couples To Go For Medical Check-up- Bisi Adewale
Pastor Bisi Adewale is a sought after, marriage counsellor, relationship expert, conference speaker and author of more than 100 books on marriage, parenting and family life.
Born and brought up in a Christian home, Pastor Bisi had a personal encounter with the Lord and got born again in October 1992 after reading the book “Forces of Darkness” by Victoria Eto. He said, “God sent that book to get me to know Him personally. It touched my heart and that was the beginning of my pleasant journey with Christ.”
He is the president of Family Booster Ministries International and College of Marital Success (CMS). In this encounter, he bears his mind on Christian marriage, home and children upbringing with providence.
Describe your journey into the ministry.
I received the call in 1998 while on campus and came into the ministry in September 1999. God called me into the ministry to heal, renew, revive, restore, repair and rejuvenate. He also called me to bring all the daughters of God into holy matrimony and prepare His people for the end-time revival.
The ministry is clear. It is not home-based but to churches all over the world. I saw myself in a dream with Pastor Adeboye, Bishop Oyedepo, Pastor Olukoya and other ministers of God I could not recognise. They sat down while I served them bread and flower. They were happy to see me and collected them from me with joy. That proved to me that the ministry will be non-denominational. To the glory of God, today, they all receive our ministry.
How did people react when you decided to go into ministry? What is the difference between a calling and going into the ministry?
I wanted to be a journalist. I wanted to go to the University of Jos to read Mass Communication but something led to another. I found myself studying accounting at Lagos State Polytechnic. The moment I graduated, I wanted to work in a bank. The Managing Director of the bank I was interested in had secured a position for me because his son was a relative’s neighbour.
One night, I was preparing for my final exams to be written the following day, Financial Accounting and Management Accounting with my friends. Because they are core courses, they are not usually written on the same day. However, that semester was different. An average accounting student would know that writing these two courses on the same day is very tough. It was on that night the Lord chose to speak to me.
As I was reading, the Lord said, “meet me on the field.” I left for the field and He said, “You will not balance any account. You will balance family life.” He told me so many things that night that turned out to be the course of my life and ministry.
After speaking to me in that direction, I thought I would be allowed to work along the line so I could raise some money. But God told me, “If you do any accounting work, your finger will get burnt.”
After graduation, I went for my national youth service which was another experience. I was based in Lagos, went to Lagos State Polytechnic and was posted to serve at UAC, Lagos.
On getting there, I was informed they needed two out of seven NYSC corps members that were posted there. While the manager was thinking of whom to pick, I went to him and asked him to reject me. He was surprised but he granted my request. I went back to the NYSC officials who asked me what I would do? I told them I was going to look for any church to serve. I proceeded to the Nigeria Fellowship of Evangelical Students (NIFES) and requested went to work with them during my service year. While they told me that they don’t pay youth corps members, I told them that I didn’t mind and was ready to serve.
Immediately NIFES accepted me as training secretary, they made me be in charge of most of the south-west campuses and students. So I had to visit all the students’ fellowships and minister to them. It was a training ground for me. When they wanted to choose leaders, they sent for me. I had to be there to help them. I was like their pastor then.
Though I was given two thousand naira (N2,000.00) as monthly allowance, my transport cost to the office was one thousand, eight hundred naira (N1,800) every month. But I enjoyed myself in that place. God was directing my steps and took me to the midst of youths to make them better and also prepare me for the work.
What is your candid advice to young people going into the ministry?
You must know your calling. Know what and when. Like me, God made it clear to me and told me specifically when to start and the program to run, Breakthrough for Singles and Married. We have been doing the programme for the last eighteen (18) years. It started in 2001.
You must know “when and how”. Not everybody must be General Overseer. Your own may be to start a church or to support a church or to support someone. You may not need to start a church but work with a church. God knows what He wanted you to be in the body of Christ.
You must know the “what, when, where, how and whom”. You must know to whom to make the message clear. For example, if you give me one million dollars to relocate to the US, I will only go for a vacation and come back. I will not spend more than a week and return to Lagos because I know where I am supposed to be.
As a minister, you must know where and how. He told me specifically and it is still the same today. Knowing the “what” makes me focus. Whatever the issue that is brought before me, God leads. Knowing what God called me to do is why I am never tired of talking about marriage.
When I came into the ministry with purpose, passion and drive, some said I had a passion for ministry. But I told them I had a calling for ministry, not just passion and the wisdom started coming for singles and marriage counselling. When you know your calling in the ministry, it makes your source sure.
What is your relationship with other ministries and churches?
We are accepted because churches got to know, we are not planning or desire to start a church. There is a programme we usually do every October at the National Stadium, Lagos. Churches rent buses to convey their members to the venue. We minister at Mountain of Fire and Prayer Ministries, Winners, RCCG, Foursquare, CAC, Anglican and other churches with testimonies of lives, homes and marriages being touched and blessed.
The churches know we are focused and faithful. Many Nigerian pastors now recognise there is power in a speciality. Though pastors can preach on marriage, there are people God has endowed in that area. There is no how you see it. They are going to see it from a different perspective. Nigerian churches are beginning to understand this and we celebrate them.
Why are couples asked to go for a medical test before marriage?
It is long overdue. For churches to direct couples to go for medical and fertility test is to let you know that such things existed before now. For churches to have it made compulsory today, it a good and welcome idea. People should imbibe and abide with.
Why are Christian marriages having problems?
Sure. There will be problems in Christian marriages. Only Christlike marriages do not have problems.
Many so-called Christian marriages are just a marriage of people who call themselves Christians. People are called Christians and attend churches, but are they Christlike in attitude and manners? There are three types of marriage; Non-Christian home, home of Christians and Christian home. Non-Christian homes do not know Christ. Home of Christians are people who claim to be Christians and Christian home is not just a Christian home but a Christlike home.
A Christlike home is where husbands understand why they should love their wives and wives understand why they should submit to their husbands. They are ready to build and rebuild, check themselves and cross-check themselves. No husband shows any of this except he is led by Christ. That is why every Christian marriage is supposed to be Christlike.
All marriages will be tested. God never promised us it will be rosy. He promised us tribulations i.e. wind, flood and rain.
Rain will come, it stands for ‘blessing’. Cars, promotions and materials will test any marriage. When more money comes in, some traits they never knew will start manifesting.
Floods stand for ‘trouble’. Miscarriage, instability, poverty, sickness and many more. Anybody on earth will have a full taste of this and will test the marriage.
Wind stands for ‘storm’. Adultery, technology, association, environment, phones, WhatsApp, Facebook, pornography, a wind of new doctrines. But a house built on the rock will stand during the test of marriage. Every marriage is a work-in-progress (WIP).
What is your advice to couples who married in the church, but not as Christlike?
Get back to the manufacturer, do not rely on philosophy. The moment we removed religion from the school’s curricular was the beginning of the fall of good values in the church. We should take religion back to the school because since there is no more value in the school, our morals begin to fall and it is not going to stop any time soon. That is why we are hearing about youths living a wayward life.
What is parenting?
Imagine our society where our values changes and the country start losing it. Parents are not helping at home. That is another area God is leading us to focus now. The major problem of parenting is in the area of raising children. The problem we have today is that we have quack parents. They know nothing and are raising mysterious children. They know childbearing and rearing but do not know child training and upbringing.
Child training and upbringing makes a total child; child-rearing and bearing make the children legal animals.
I had a dog that gave birth to a puppy. While the dog played and fed her puppy, she did not train the puppy. That is why dogs are taken to veterinary doctors to train them for us. In the area of training our children, we are failing God. If parents should train their children, there will be peace tomorrow. The Bible says, “Train up a child in the way he should go. When he grows, he will not depart from it”.
What is your opinion on single parenting?
Those women and men that raise children single-handedly may look happy in the surface but they are suffering inside. I am not blaming anyone for being a single parent. Sometimes, a single parent may not be palatable especially in the eyes of the widows.
There are some single men and ladies who think because they have money and a home, they can just meet any man or lady to give them a child and raise them on their own. It takes a man and a woman to raise a total child or children. The man brings firmness and the woman brings fairness to parenting.
The voice of a woman sounds romantic. When a mother speaks and the child remains where he or she is, the mother starts shouting. But the father has a natural commanding tone. The child obeys as soon as the father speaks. Fathers have a natural commanding tone. That is the way God created it. Firmness and fairness when mixed will make a total child.
Another area we are failing is the church. There is no school of parenting or parent-parenting. That is why everybody uses his or her instinct. You cannot use instinct to raise a child. Rather, you will be using the method of your parents and will later discover things you hate such methods while raising your children. Because they are never taught what to do and how to do it, that is why the church must come in.
People getting married should be trained in the area of parenting. But there is nothing like that. Many thought they are young and do not have to worry about parenting. The older parents should be of little assistant to younger parents.
Once in a month let’s talk about family in our churches. Most Pentecostal churches do not preach about family. If you do not know about the family, call on experts to come and talk about it. Because no family, no church, and that is one area the church in Nigeria are failing.
What is Child Metamorphosis?
Eighty per cent of the people in our society do not know what ‘Child Metamorphosis’ is. We only know ‘Mosquito Metamorphosis’.
An infant is different from a toddler and a toddler is different from a pre-scholar. A pre-scholar is different from a pre-teen and a pre-teen different from a grade scholar. A grade scholar is different from a young teen and a young teen is different from older teens. Likewise, older youths are different from married youths.
When you do not know these, there is no way you will not make a mistake because you will not know when you need to stop to discipline a child. Sometimes you will only guide and advise them. That is why parenting styles are different. The more we grow, it differs.
From ages 1-9, it is total parenting. From 10-13 pre-teens, it is Cooperative Parenting. Teenagers don’t need a boss; all they need is a friend. Children of 21 years and above need supportive parenting. A child who cannot decide on his or her own at that age means she is being raised by a parent poor parenting skills. When the child gets married, shadow parenting starts.
What are the things that cause misunderstanding in the home?
Sex, in-laws, finances, inferiority complex and wrong management of money.
Anything you want to do or currently doing, let God be the foundation of the marriage.
No matter the state of the marriage now. W. B. Kumuyi said, no marriage is irreparable in the workshop of God, no matter the state.
What do you need to do? Take it to the workshop; do not take it to your supporters’ club, your parents or friends, but to the counsellor.
In China, when a wife is found guilty, the husband cannot be guiltless. An action-reaction is a reaction in action. A reaction will lead to action and action will lead to a reaction.
Tell us about your wife.
I am married to Yomi Adewale, a chartered accountant and chartered tax practitioner. She is also a preacher of the word. We are one prophet and one prophetess. There are places I am invited to preach and cannot go; she represents me.
