Marriage

10 DOMESTIC ABUSE IN MODERN MARRIAGES

November 7, 2018

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10 DOMESTIC ABUSE IN MODERN MARRIAGES

Bisi Adewale

As the world becomes more sophisticated the face of domestic abuse kept changing, our streets may look quiet, but the reality of our time is that many homes are just houses and hostels full of abusive spouses and Parent. You know what? You may even be an abuser without knowing it.

This write up will help you to expose what an abuse is, we will get to talk about how to handle abuse in our next piece.

There are 10 major Abuses in Modern Marriages, we will get to expose them here:

1) PHYSICAL ABUSE

Many people experiencing physical abuse are exposed to pushing, shoving, slapping, biting, kicking, strangling, punching, or abandonment.

An abuser may subject the victim to being locked out of the house, deprived of food, medicine, or sleep, or refusal to help if the victim is sick or injured.

Physical abuse can include harm that is intentional or harm that is inflicted without the intent of hurting the individual.

PHYSICAL ABUSE INVOLVES:

Destroying Family properties

Slapping

Kicking

Beating

Hurting

Locking up in the room

Destroying of Spouses Certificate

2) EMOTIONAL ABUSE

This is perhaps the vaguest type of abuse to which an individual can be exposed. Emotional pain and hurt are not uncommon in relationships – it is human to feel negative emotions in response to arguments or unpleasant events in a relationship. While it is natural to feel emotional responses, it is not healthy or natural to feel as if your thoughts, feelings, and emotions are regularly threatened by your loved one. Emotional abuse is a consistent denial of your right to express your feelings. It is a violation or ridicule of your most important values and beliefs. Some warning signs that you may be experiencing this type of abuse are:

Withholding of approval or support as a form of punishment,
Criticism, belittling, name calling, and yelling,
Regular threats to leave or being told to leave,
Invasions of privacy, and
Elimination of support by preventing contact with friends and family.
Not raising a finger to do any house work thinking only wife should do it.

3) VEBAL ABUSE

Verbal abuse is often the mildest form of abuse with overt and obvious evidence. While some verbal abuse is practiced in secret or when no one is around, many verbal abusers become comfortable with making statements around friends, family, and in public settings. Behavior can range from small, repetitive comments to loud, angry shouting meant to belittle the one on the receiving end of the comments. As with the two previous forms of abuse, verbal abuse shares similar characteristics and warning signs, This involves the following:

Nagging

Slander

Jesting

Put down

Shouting

Reporting to people

Belittling

Abuse

Curses

Calling her old woman or Iya yi (Yoruba)

Negative Comparison

No apology

No appreciation

Abusing outlook of a wife

Using Family challenges to abuse one’s spouse

Revealing secrets of one’s spouse

Singing proverbial songs against your spouse

Praying prayers that directly attack one’s spouse for example: Everybody troubling me in this house let the fire of God consume.

EXAMPLES OF VERBAL ABUSE

You are stupid

You are idiot

I regret marrying you

You are a fool

You are witch

You are a prostitute

I will divorce you

I hate you etc.

4) PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE

Psychological abuse is also difficult to define as it encompasses a spectrum of abuse that offers no obvious physical evidence. Psychological abuse can be included as an element of emotional or verbal abuse, making it difficult to define it as a distinctly different form. Many experience this kind of abuse in the form of restriction, belittlement, unrealistic demands, or threats. It can also include things such as withholding affection/information in order to extract certain behavior from the individual being abused. Many of the signs of this type of abuse are similar to those of emotional abuse. Examples include:

Refusal to socialize with the victim,
Taking car or house keys from the victim to prevent escape or safety,
Threatening to take the children,
Playing mind games, and
Ignoring or minimizing the victim’s feelings.
Threatening to divorce or separate
Threatening to die or kill
Threatening to hurt or beat

READ ALSO: Celebrate Him As your Hero

5) SOCIAL ABUSE

Social abuse is so subtil that a time the abused and abuser may not even know that its an abuse, it involve the following:

– Shielding a Spouse from love ones

– Disconnecting Spouse from family and friends

– Telling one spouse to choose between his or her family and Marriage

– Banning Spouse Family and Friends from coming to see her maybe by force or by just becoming unfriendly

6) SPIRITUAL ABUSE

Does it sound funny that People are abusing their spouses spiritually? Sound strange? But it has been with us for ages, let look at some of them:

— pronouncing Curses on one’s spouse

— Calling one spouse a Witch

— Calling Mother in Law a Witch

— Praying Prayer of death for spouse

— Bringing fake prophets home to prophesy lies

— Contacting Herbalist to fight one spouse

— Threatening a Spouse with diabolical power

Manipulating spouses through diabolical Powers

— Using Bible to hold a spouse to ransom. For example Men are fond of quoting Ephesian 5:22 to control and manipulate their wives, without quoting verse 25

7) HOUSEHOLD ABUSE

There many more things that are common in modern marriages that cannot be categorize under any of the above i call them Household abuse, it is very common among African Men, and some of these are:

– Making your wife to serve all your family Members including your younger ones

– Not raising a finger to work at home, leaving the wife to do all house work

– Using the toilet without washing it

– Using the plates throughout the day leaving it for the woman that will arrive home late in the night to come and wash them

– Not been supportive in bathing, caring, carrying of babies thinking it is the work of a wife to do all.

– Shouting in anger when food is not ready quickly

– Not been appreciative of the food she cooked for you.

8) FINANCIAL OR ECONOMIC ABUSE

Financial abuse is becoming a common thing in marriage that need to be addressed, many may not even know that it’s an abuse. This involves the following:

– Destroying Spouse’s sources of income

– Blocking ways of making money

– Failure to provide financially

– Not allowing wife to work

– Destroying of tools of trade

– Causing the sack of a spouse

– Blocking Husband from going to his work or going to his office while fight him.

9) SEXUAL ABUSE

A very complex form of abuse, is not necessarily a category alone but rather is a combination of physical, psychological, and emotional abuse, particularly in long-term relationships. It may show up in the following ways:

Infidelity accusation
Getting hooked on Porn
Posting spouse nude pictures on the internet
Criticism sexually,
Withholding sex or affect to hurt or punish someone,
Using sex as a weapon to fight spouse
Doing trade by barter with spouse
Denying a spouse sexual intercourse without any tangible reason for it
Masturbating instead of sleeping with one spouse
Publicly showing interest in others,
Bragging about other sexual partners
Bringing sexual partner into your matrimonial home
Forcing unwanted sexual acts or forcing sex after beating, or
Forcing any part of sex using guilt, coercion, or manipulation.
Shutting down on sexual acts in Marriage. A pastor that refused to sleep with his wife for 10 years.