17 SIGNS THAT SHOW YOU ARE GETTING IT WRONG IN MARRIAGE
Bisi Adewale
“The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water, therefore leave off
contention before it be meddled with. Proverbs 17:14
To drift in marriage simply means to gradually and slowly end your marriage, without intention to do that. Almost every marriage starts to drift immediately the honeymoon is over, due to the carelessness of the people involved. Bonding or intimacy is the opposite of drifting. You need to know the signs of a drifting marriage so that you can be proactive whenever you notice them in your marriage.
They are:
1. The intimacy is not just there like it was before. I am not referring to the puppy love with a lot of “chemistry” and “torpedoes” that teenagers experience. No, the so-called “chemistry” is not meant to last forever; it is a phase in your relationship. But, there should still be that closeness, spark or “electricity” you feel whenever you are together. There should be loving gestures like the holding of hands, hugging, back rubs, jokes and playfulness. If there is none of these in your marriage; your marriage is drifting.
2. You are not free to express your mind to each other. If your conversation becomes short or simply
non-existent, your marriage is drifting.
3. If you don’t miss each other like before, that is a c-caution.
4. You argue on virtually every issue. It is a sign that your mind and souls are no more connected.
5. You easily hurt each other.
6. Sex becomes a task or a chore for the woman.
7. You are spending less and less time together. You prefer staying in the office or with friends than with your
spouse. You feel at home at work and feel at work at home. When at home, the man prefers watching the television or surfing the net to being with the wife, while the woman prefers to be in the
kitchen or with her children.
8. You keep secrets from each other.
9. You fight a lot over money.
10. You now live together like roommates not like soul mates.
11. You are always “serious” at home. No jokes, no play, you are very official.
12. You are no more behaving like friends and lovers.
13. You’ve stopped saying, “I love you” to each other.
14. You are no more attracted to each other.
15. You hardly call each other on the phone.
16. You start to feel you made the wrong choice.
17. Your ‘togetherness’ is becoming weaker and weaker. You hardly eat together now, you don’t talk, you’ve stopped bathing together. Both of you now prefer to “do your things”.
No marriage will end in divorce without first drifting. Drifting enters the marriage like a small rat, unnoticed. By the time it is noticed, it would have done a lot of damage. That is why you need to stop blaming each other and get committed to building intimacy and bonding in your marriage.
© Bisi Adewale 2020
