-By Dare Oluyi

HOW TO RAISE A FIRSTBORN-The firstborn has the great fortune to receive all of his Parent’s love and attention for a while.HOW TO RAISE A FIRSTBORN

New Parents are excited by the event and put all their efforts into doing it right. They go extra-mile to get the newest and best things for the new baby and because it is the first pregnancy or childbirth, they read everything they can. If it is the first baby in the entire extended family;grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins join into celebrate the new and first baby.

Amidst all these loves and attention, they also face an enormous challenge as the parents tend to pressure their firstborn to achieve, be successful and be perfect just like them. Anothe challenge is when a younger sibling is born, because they feel dethroned by the second-born from all love, affections and attentions and to crown it all, firstborn is being asked to care for.HOW TO RAISE A FIRSTBORN

Raising a firstborn is a very challenging phase in parenting because that is the first experience in raising one’s biological child.The following points will serve as a guide.
1. By Example: Parents can only train and teach their firstborn directly to be what they

are, already, that is lead him with your example of a good Father/Mother and leader, for

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him also to become a good father in the making and a leader to his siblings. Remember

Like begets like. Parents must closely examine their lifestyle and consider whether or

not they are properly serving their children as adult models of the Christian way for life.

2. By Instructions: Parents must give the firstborn, raw basic life education (spiritual and

physical, religion and secular) as the firstborn coming out of the first strength, to

prepare them for the responsibilities of adult life. They are to personally impact to them

what they have learned in life as well as oversee their educational experiences.

3. By prayer: The power to change them is from God. Parents that pray for their children

continuously will usually see tremendous results in their lives. Employ serious prayer

and intercession for the firstborn in particular.

4. By Discipline: God himself as our heavenly father shows us with the best example on all

discipline, by chastising us because he loves us, to correct us and as a form of

instructions. Parents are to discipline for the primary cause of disobedience, so as to

inform the firstborn to realize that it is not going to be all rosy (the love and attentions)

without little challenges of disciple, for him to be great in life. But your child is not a


punching bag; rather show them how to set limit to their actions and reactions by giving

them age-appropriate responsibilities.

5. Spend time with the firstborn: Leman writes; “firstborns respond better to adult

company than children of any birth order.” Quality time must be spend with the

firstborn especially if he has a lot of siblings. This should be in order to teach and pass

unto him the beliefs, values and cultures/traditions of the family to him and for him to

pass them unto his siblings and generations next. Also, tell him family stories and tell

him the reasons why things are like this and not like that.HOW TO RAISE A FIRSTBORN

6. Go out together: At times, the firstborns often feel that parents don’t pay much

attention to them because they are always concentrating on the younger ones in the

family. This was the exact feelings of Joseph’s brothers, the Children of Jacob and they

plot evil against him because they felt their father concentrated only and much on him.

Make a special effort to have the firstborn join you and your spouse in going out alone

for a treat or to run some kind of special errand. Remember, spending quality time with

your firstborn can also alleviate any resentment the eldest might feel towards his

younger siblings.

7. Try not to demand Perfection from your firstborn: Praise him for his accomplishments


and avoid criticisms. Don’t compare his success to yours for him not to feel inferior. If

you need his help, make sure to ask politely and acknowledge if done properly.

8. Don’t allow him to feel rejected because of his/her siblings: Use general statements

when all your children are misbehaving; such as, ‘we don’t hit anyone in our family’

rather than singling out the firstborn and avoid the statements such as; ‘you should

know better or you are the firstborn.’ These statements will make him to feel that he is

9. Handle him/her as younger brother or sister: The Yoruba tribe of Nigeria believes in the

fact, someone’s firstborn is his/her younger sibling. Teach and help him to know so

many things of the family. He can sit next to you when you are reading or watching any

programmes to learn one thing or the other, go out together and you can invite him to

even respond to family issues.
Dare Oluyi an Administrator by Training, Pastor by Calling, Teacher by Gift

and Marriage Counselor by Profession.

I am an author of “22 Types of Relationship and Getting the best out of

Your Marriage”. I am also a teacher of the word and a motivational

Speaker with the mandate to train, build and equip youths to become

a better person.

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