14 Reasons For Courtship
-Bisi Adewale
14 Reasons For Courtship-Some singles do not see any need for courtship before marriage. Some think it is unnecessary; some got married few weeks after consent is given.
Others begin to co-habit immediately they agree to marry each other. This is wrong by God and human standards.
Is courtship compulsory?
YES. It is compulsory and mandatory. Courtship is a wonderful and important period you must not miss. It is very important.
- A time of Foundation Laying. It is a period when a man or woman in love gets to know each other intimately and lay solid foundation for their future home.
“If the foundation be destroyed what can the righteous do?” Ps. 11:3.
- A Time of Knowing. It is the period of getting to know each other, a time for careful observation and honest assessment of each other’s moral and social values, spiritual depth and worldviews. It is the time to assess each other’s strength and weakness likes and dislikes, hobbies, professions, interest, friends, among others.
- A Time of Discovery. It is the time to discover common area of interest and divergence as well as understanding each other’s belief, fear, culture, custom and family values.
- Time of Examination. It is a period when couples to-be can carefully examine each other. They should not allow themselves to be blinded by infatuation or ignore glaring tell-tales of incompatibility and irreconcilable differences that may endanger their relationship in the future. Examine carefully and discuss together. Do not pretend they do not exist. Discuss and address them objectively. If there is a need to terminate the relationship because of these, do it in the love of Christ without hurting the other party. A broken courtship is better than a broken home.
- A Time for Prayer. It is a period of serious prayer warfare. You should pray seriously, touching your relationship, purity, wedding, finance, child-bearing and training, In-laws, jobs, professions, etc.
- A Time of Planning. It is a good period to plan for wedding and your future home. It is a period couples to be should plan their future together. Choice of residence, the kind of wedding they want, family-size, child- spacing, relationship with In-laws, financial management, among others are planned at this period.
- A Time for Laying Strong Family Altar. Courtship is a period when couples should lay foundation of solid family altar for their future home. If you cultivate the habit of spending considerate time together in prayer during courtship, it will be much easier for you to have a strong family altar after wedding.
- A Time for Goal Setting. Courtship period is also a period for setting goals. Goal setting is the deliberate planning of what you want to achieve at a given period of time. It enables you to have focus and direction in life. Have corporate goal. What do you want? When do you want it? Discuss them and agree on what you really want, pursuing them with all your strength. It will give your marriage purpose, richness, depth and direction. This is what many marriages lack that is causing lots of problems.
- A Time of Goal Harmonisation. Share your individual goals together in courtship and try to harmonise to become family goals. If you fail to do this in courtship, it may lead to a very serious trouble after wedding.
- Time of Introduction. During this period, you will be introduced to your intending partner’s friends, family members, colleagues, etc. you will have to do likewise to him or her.
- Time of Adjustment. Courtship is a time of learning to adjust. As soon as you discover your partner’s strength and weakness, you are expected to start to pray for him or her and try to adjust to suit his or her purpose where necessary. A young man realised that his proposed wife easily catches cold whenever she sleeps under the fan. As a result, the lady has not been using fan. This young man quickly adjusted by learning to sleep without a fan. By the time they got married, he had been used to sleeping without fan. There is also need for adjustment in the area of culture, belief, custom, religion, disposition, language, vision, food, etc of your partner.
- Time of Decision. It is a period to take some vital decisions on where to live, size of the family, when to marry, type of wedding, child-spacing, etc.
- Time to ‘Fight’. It is a period to learn how to disagree without quarrelling; how to settle disputes without brawl; how to speak the truth in love; how to learn to accept blame and say “I am sorry”.
- Time of Question and Answer. It is time to answer questions from your partner and answer him or her about your past and future.
“The picture of your future is taken with the camera of your character”.
Pastor Bisi Adewale is a family and relationship expert; author of Secret of Irresistible Wife and more than 70 other books on marriage and family life. You can reach him on familybooster@gmail.com, 08068312004, 08051512823, BB: 2AF5C883, Blog: www.bisiadewale.com, Website:www.familybooster.com facebook.com/PastorBisiAdewale.Twitter@bisiadewale