CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN COURTSHIP(Part 2)

 CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN COURTSHIP(Part 2)

-Oba Samuel

CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN COURTSHIP(Part 2)

This is the concluding part of the conflict resolution among those in courtship which I posted yesterday.

6. Choice and Location of accommodation. Oftentimes, the intending couples disagree over the kind of accommodation they would like to live and its location. Kind of accommodation like a single room, a room and parlour, self-contain, flats, bungalow or duplex. After the agreement on any of these, another challenge is agreeing on the location-whether to be in the highbrow area, at the city centre, suburb or at the outskirt of the city. Most times the disagreement here becomes tough where the parties involved come from different class of the society. Their background often determines the bases of their argument. CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN COURTSHIP(Part 2)

7.Unwanted surname/compound name. This issue is mostly raised by sisters who will have to adopt the brother’s surname as hers for the rest of her life. The problem here is when the brother’s surname is not one of such that glorifies God, e.g ‘Awomoolo’, ‘Awolalu’, ‘ofordile’, ‘igbinosaka’, ‘shobukola’, ‘fatore’, among others. Most times sisters don’t want such names and they will be pressuring the brother to change his surname. It’s now become a conflict, if the brother insist that he cannot change his family name because that is the name the whole family bears and couple with the fact that his father will not allow him to change it for any reason. CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN COURTSHIP(Part 2)

Brothers on their part pick up an offence sometimes when the potential bride insist on joining her surname with her husband’s name when they eventually get married thereby forming a compound name like: Mrs Tope-Williams-Adedeji or Mrs Joyce Emeka-Kolawole. This can cause a delay on the proposed wedding or end the relationship if not well managed. CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN COURTSHIP(Part 2)

8.Sexual Interest. When two people with different value got engaged, their interest will be different. Sexual intercourse becomes conflicts in courtship in a situation where one of the parties in relationship don’t see anything wrong in sex before marriage and due to this, he or she is mounting pressure on the partner. This can lead to serious quarrel especially if the party that wants sex is so aggressive to the point of using a force. At these point, it’s either the other party compromise or there will be internal wrangling which may later lead to a break up. CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN COURTSHIP(Part 2)

9. Money. Money can become a big issue in courtship especially when only one party in relationship is working or when one party in courtship is a parasite who only believes in milking the other party. Excess demand of money and shifting all your responsibilities/needs on your partner will not give you healthy relationship as it will backfire.
10. Dressing. The issue of dressing is always an issue when the two people in courtship come from different Christian background or different association. Issues like wearing of trousers for ladies, the use of ear rings, perming of hairs, using of wave-on, among others will always be the bone of contention when it comes to dressing.
11. Live-in-Mum/any other party. This can become a serious issue when one of the parties in courtship insists that his/her mother must move-in with them as soon as he get married. His or her reason may be “I don’t want my mother to suffer because of what she passed through to finance my academics pursuit”, “I am the last born”, “Nobody can take care of my mother in the proper way”, “I cannot do without my sweet mother”, etc. If this issue is not managed well, it may lead to the end of the courtship because the other party may feel you hate his/her mother. Likewise, accommodating other third parties like siblings, friends and other family member may also cause rift between the engaged except they resolve it in the proper way.

RESOLVING CONFLICTS. CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN COURTSHIP(Part 2)

Conflict resolution skill is one of the major skills everyone going into marriage should learn. No matter how difficult the issues may be, there is always a solution to a conflict.

There are four ways of resolving conflicts. They are:

1. Freedom Meeting. In this approach, the parties agreed not to force a personal wish on the other thereby allowing both party to do whatever he/she think best. This kind of method is not good for some important issues which cannot be ignored as it will resurface later to cause more havoc in the relationship.
2. Shifting to your side. This is a sacrificial decision in which one of the parties decides to abandon his own belief, ideas, tradition, philosophy, etc to what your partner wants. Love is about sacrifice. Although, there are serious issues like pregnancy before wedding which shifting to the side of your partner will not be the best. In this case, use the next point.
3. Meeting a Counsellor. This is quite good especially when you are faced with hard to crack issues in your relationship. In order to find lasting solution in the interest of both of you without . Your counselor can either be your pastor, an elderly Christian or a marriage counselor. Take time to see them in order to resolve the issue amicably. No matter how you busy you are at work, create time to meet with your counselor.
4. Stand with the Bible. In resolving issues; no matter how simple or difficult the issues is, search the scriptures and stand with what the Bible says. For instance, if your partner is pressuring you on pregnancy before wedding, check Hebrew 13:4 to discover the answer of chastity before wedding. The Bible stand is the stand of God, stand with it and your marriage will stand.

OBA SAMUEL is a family and relationship coach.A seasoned speaker in singles and couples conferences.Happily married to his queen-Oluwakemi;a babe of rare qualities and they are blessed with Tripple G children.Connect me on Twitter @PastorOba .E-mail: obasamuel09@gmail.com