MARRIAGE IS BEYOND THE ALTAR
-Oba Samuel
MARRIAGE IS BEYOND THE ALTAR
To every single, wedding is the ultimate dream come true. They want it at all cost, sing about it, and give it all it takes. In fact, they plan specially for it. “Wow! It’s my happiest day, I have found somebody that will love and care for me” they would say. But is that all what marriage stands for? Absolutely no! Marriage is beyond the altar. Many don’t care to know or prepare for what lies beyond the altar. MARRIAGE IS BEYOND THE ALTAR
Beyond the altar of wedding or “yes I do” lies the following:
- New Discoveries. Wedding is full of fun fare; courtship is full of surface discoveries while marriage is full of new and deeper discoveries. The earlier you prepare your mind for these new discoveries the better. Although you may claim you know the person you are about to marry inside-out but I will tell you that, it’s not in-depth. There are lots of things you can never know in courtship except in marriage. Many of such includes: sleeping style, habit of your partner, levels of eating, cleanliness or dirtiness in the real sense of it, the real attitudes and character of your would-be spouse, etc for your marriage to work, you must welcome all these new discoveries with the instrument of adjustment in marriage.MARRIAGE IS BEYOND THE ALTAR
- Being a newly-wed, new discoveries may bring lots of misunderstanding but you must not allow it to lead to quarrels. Never think there won’t be any. You may avoid it throughout courtship in pretense but you can’t bottle it in marriage. Learn how to manage conflict in marriage, turn anger to laughter. Don’t be a complain specialist. Instead of complaining, “come plain”. Your partner will offend you but prepare to forgive immediately. Misunderstanding well-managed will lead to understanding between couples.
- Payments of Bills. In marriage, payments of bills are unavoidable. Please be informed that marriage will increase your expenses. It is a pity that many single only think of wedding expenses; even borrow for a befitting wedding. Only to get into marriage and meet the unexpected. Please plan your finance now, enlarge your capital base and prepare for expenses like electricity bills, house rents, foodstuffs, clothes, school fees, in-laws demands, baby needs, etc. For more on financial management, get a copy of MONEY MANAGEMENT IN MARRIAGE by pastor Bisi Adewale MARRIAGE IS BEYOND THE ALTAR MARRIAGE IS BEYOND THE ALTAR
- Decision making. Courtship is a time of discussion while marriage is a time of decision. All what you agreed upon in courtship are not decision but mere discussion. Many of them will eventually change in marriage. things like the number of children you will have in marriage, the kind of food to eat on weekends, spending of holidays and other plans may change from what you discussed while in courtship. The reality in marriage will enable you make a lot of decision. But in all your decision, contact God first then involve your partner. Don’t be selfish in decision making.MARRIAGE IS BEYOND THE ALTAR
- Threat from In-laws. I call this threat from in-laws because it is capable of causing conflict between couples if not properly managed. In this part of the world, in-laws play prominent roles in marriage. They may want to give certain order, take decision that affects your home without your consent, influence your spouse whether positively or wrongly. This does not exempt both right side and left side in-laws. In-laws are good and wonderful but what many of them fail to understand is that what work for them may not work for you and that you are mature enough to decide for yourselves. Having adequate knowledge of handling them will make you enjoy the good sides of them. Lack of such knowledge will spell doom on your marriage. That is why I will advise you to get a copy of WIVES VERSUS MOTHER-IN-LAW, WHEN WILL THE BATTLE CEASE? A book by Pastor Bisi Adewale for yourself and your parents.
- Strain and Joy. Every good marriage has experienced their own strain at one point or the other. Marriage cannot but experience the two. Strain may come as a result of loss of job financial lack, job stress, unmet needs, unexpected behaviours, etc. Whatever strain you may experience in your marriage, commitment is highly needed if joy is to be experienced later. Commit yourself to your marriage vows, look for something better in your spouse, and shift your focus from negatives. Jointly fight the strain, then joy and happiness will be your lot. Engage in serious prayers and consult a counselor.MARRIAGE IS BEYOND THE ALTAR
- Anybody without error is equal to God. So expect displeasures in your spouse. You will definitely see some things you don’t like in your spouse, but don’t be disturbed. The one you married is the best you can have. But note this: the experience of love is created by giving the gift of unconditional acceptance and appreciation. Don’t expect the best from your partner, but be the best partner, give your best. Don’t seek to change your partner, less you become judgmental towards the person. Accept him or her; celebrate his or her weak points.
OBA SAMUEL is a family and relationship coach.A seasoned speaker in singles and couples conferences.Happily married to his queen-Oluwakemi;a babe of rare qualities and they are blessed with Tripple G children.Connect me on Twitter @PastorOba .E-mail: obasamuel09@gmail.com
