11 TOP SECRETS TO A BLISS MARRIAGE
By Bisi Adewale
“The secret of the Lord is with them that fear Him, and He will show them His covenant”. (Psalm 25:14)
Years back, a total of 6,000 couples were asked the secret that makes their marriage blissful, in a research that took about twenty-five years to complete. During this research conducted by marriage counsellors, it was discovered that almost all these 6,000 couples have some things in common which happen to be the secret of their blissful home. If we too can put them into our marriages, it will turn it to heaven on earth.
They are:
(1). COMMITMENT: Commitment is a state of being willing to give a lot of time, energy and resources to one’s spouse. Commitment is being there for him/her when there’s every reason not to. It also means to be committed to one’s spouse to defend and protect.
Successful couples are dedicated to promoting each other’s welfare and happiness. They focused their home and are committed to their marriage vows. They made their marriages a top priority with respect to how they invest their time and energy on their homes. There’s no marriage without its own challenges but commitment enables them to weather the storms. No marriage no matter how good it seems can be successful without the commitment of the parties involved. Without commitment, marriage will be in danger. Marriage is not a sprint, it is a marathon race, it needs stamina, courage and commitment to make it a success.
(Eccl 9:10)
(2). SPIRITUAL WELL-BEING: These happy couples are all children of God, devoted to God in all ways, make the Bible their authority and totally submitted to its ordinance. They are men and women of prayer. They don’t joke with prayer; prayer and fasting are their ways of life. They allow God in their homes and give Him a leadership role. Once the presence of God is missing in a marriage, the devil will be at the driver’s seat driving such homes into stormy water. These couples secured the presence of God and the peace of God with other heavenly benefits reign supreme in their homes
(Galatians 5:22-26).
(3). TIME TOGETHER: Togetherness is compulsory where marriage must be the best. Research indicates that couples that do things together tends to be more closer, understand each other and have a successful marriage than those that are not having time together. If your marriage must be strong, you must live together, talk, sleep, play, pray and eat together. Mind you, many things like hours spent at work, in watching T.V, talking to your friends, salon, visitation, newspaper, computer games are competing seriously with your time to the detriment of your marriage, if care is not taking. To make your marriage a success, make your spouse part of your daily schedules regardless of how busy you are. Your marriage is very vital; incorporate it in your daily routines lest you have the time for quarrel or divorce.
Time is not negotiable in marriage; spend quality time together and in generous quality.
Time spent together as a couple is not a waste; it is the best period in fanning love in your life. Investment of time is the best investment in your marriage.
(4). POSITIVE COMMNUICATION: It takes a spark to set a house on fire. Careless spoken words can wreck the boat of any marriage. That is why H. Norman Wright in his book, Communication, the key to your marriage said “each person must be responsible for his own tongue- training programme. Controlling the tongue needs to be a continuing aim for every husband and wife because everything that is said either helps or hinders, heals or hurts, build up or tears down the home. Husbands or wives who enjoys strong fulfilling marriage relationship have good communication skills, spending much time saying positive words, sending positive messages and signals.
Try as much as possible to avoid negative communication like “I hate you”, “I regret marrying you”, “you are a fool”, “you are an idiot” etc. But make use of positive communication like “I love you”, “you are beautiful”, “you are unique”, “I am fortunate to be your husband/wife” etc. Negative communication will bring frustration and sorrow into your home while positive communication will draw you closer to your spouse in love. So, train your tongue to utter positive words concerning your spouse. “As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord; so walk ye in Him”.(Colossians 2:6)
(5). APPRECIATION: Strong marriage is the marriage of couples that appreciate each other; they build other up psychologically giving sincere compliments and enhance each other’s self-esteem. Appreciation means going out of your way to notice all the little things your partner does and letting him or her know you appreciate it.
To be appreciative, you have to condition your mind towards it, focusing on the positive sides of your spouse rather than the negatives, pointing to the qualities of your spouse, showing genuine concern, laughing to his/her jokes, his/her stature, gifts, food and helping hand etc.
These couples appreciate each other’s contribution at home; they commend each other’s look, dressing, gifts and qualities etc. Appreciation builds love and positive feelings towards each other (Proverbs 31:28).
(6). FORGIVENESS: Forgiveness is a strong pillar of a successful marriage since we cannot but offend each other. Couples that cannot forgive each other cannot build virile homes. Forgiveness reduces tension from homes, removes strain from marriage. It paves way for intimacy. So, make up your mind to forgive your spouse no matter what he/she do to you. Forgiveness helps to stop the cycle of evil and shut the devil completely out of the home.
(7). TRUST: A good marriage is based on trust- It is a bond that binds a husband and wife together that make them to be indispensable to one another. Trust destroy negative thinking and break the back bone of suspicion. It strengthens the home and helps to build strong intimacy in marriage (Proverbs 31:11)
(8). FAITHFULNESS: Faithfulness help to build trust. To be fruitful in marriage we have to be faithful. Lack of faithfulness will open the door to extra-marital affair, STDs, suspicion, erosion of love, external attack, fear and it destroys the strength of any marriage.
(9). Love: –Marriage without love is like a car without engine oil, it will soon knock down. Love makes a home strong and better. It is the corner-stone of any successful marriage. It strengthens the family and blossom the relationship.
(10). ACCEPTANCE: –No marriage can be successful if the parties involved do not accept each other. Lack of acceptance will lead to comparison, condemnation, complaint and rejection. If your wife is fat, she is not too fat, if she is slim; she is not too slim, accept your husband as God created him. Stop comparing him with anybody; do not expect your spouse to be like somebody else. Accept each other.
(11). SEXUALITY
Sex in Marriage is a must if marriage must be blissful Sex in marriage should be full of fun and joy. It must be done willingly, joyfully, communicatively, cooperatively, regularly and creatively.
Sex is the cement of married couples, they should learn to improve on it and make it full of fun and joy.
“Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green. The beams of our house are cedar, and our rafters of fir..” Song of Solomon 1:16-17
For your house to be built with cedar and solid with fir, the key is the GREEN BED. This simply means solid, creative and enjoyable bedroom life.
It should not be:
BROWN BED: This symbolizes immorality
YELLOW BED: This stands for sexual struggles, fighting about sex in marriage and grudge matches in the bedroom.
RED BED: This has to be sexless marriage, no sex at all or few of it throughout the year.
But a GREEN BED full of life, joy, creativity, fun and sexual fulfillment.
© Bisi Adewale 2020
