HANDLING NAGGING IN MARRIAGE
Bisi Adewale
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.
It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman
Proverbs 21:9, 19
What is nagging?
To nag means to complain, murmur, condemn or criticize continually. It also means to be continually troublesome.
- It is a negative communication style (Eph. 4:29).
- It is a major killer of marriage; and
- It is a toxic communication that can sink any marriage, relationship and family life.
- It is a low level of communication.
He that covereth a transgression seeketh love, but he that repeateth a matter nags and separates very good friends (Proverbs 17:9).
Why people nag?
- Immaturity and ignorance of the right way to communicate.
- People who impatiently want things done in their way do resort to nagging.
- Nagging comes from a perception that you would not get what you want from the other person except you keep asking.
- It is also a function of perfectionist spirit, the drive behind people who want things done in their way.
- A shocking truth though, nagging happens when one is prayerless. If you are the prayerful and discipline type, you won’t nag.
Handling a nagging spouse
- Pray for him/her.
- Be patient with him or her.
- Study together about effective communication.
- Sit down to talk about it. Many nagging spouses may not even know that they do it. They always think that it is just a simple request.
- Always address your spouse’s request and communicate this effectively such that if it cannot be done now, you can easily agree on it.
- Let your spouse know how you feel when she nags.
How to break the nagging habit
Let no corrupt communication proceeds out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers (Ephesians 4:29).
Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man (Colossians 4:6).
- Know that it is not a good habit.
- Know that you can destroy your marriage if you continue with that kind of habit (Proverbs 21:19).
- Learn to make your request clear.
- If your request is not attended to the first time you ask, sit down with your spouse to discuss and talk it out so that both of you may agree on it.
- Always remember that the first asking is a REQUEST second, a REMINDER (maybe your spouse forgets), and third, a NAGGING. If your request and reminder do not work, take it to God in prayer; nagging does not work, it will only make things difficult (Proverbs 21:9).
- Remember that nagging will make your spouse looks stupid, childish and immature.
- Nagging does look like criticism in disguise and will make your spouse defensive.
- Remember that nagging is disrespectful.
- Don’t blame, demean, attack, criticise or try to manipulate your spouse.
© Bisi Adewale 2020
