Fundamental laws of marriage Part 6

By Bisi Adewale -
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Fundamental laws of marriage with Pastor Bisi Adewale

in continuation of fundamental laws of marriage here comes another law called;

LAW OF LEAVING

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” Genesis 2:24-25

During one of His numerous teachings, our Lord Jesus Christ taught about issues surrounding marriage and divorce in both Matthew 19:5-6 and Mark 10:7-8 while Apostle Paul reiterated those teachings in Ephesians 5:31.

This shows how important the issue of LEAVING AND CLEAVING is to the success of any marriage.

A deep study on the essence of leaving and cleaving is highly important because ignorance in this regard has been the bone the bane of many marriages over the years. Many couples find it easy to pick other issues like sexual or financial problems as the source of their marital problems but they are blind to the fact that the absence of leaving and cleaving is actually a toxic disease to any marriage.

What leaving is not:

  • Not abandonment of your parents and let them suffer.
  • Not failing to take care of them.
  • Not about disrespecting or disregarding them.
  • It is not failing to call them or refusing to pick their calls.
  • It is not about forgetting your parents.
  • It is not hating your parents.
  • It is not embarrassing them in the presence of your spouse and children.
  • It is not about dropping all the Christians values they have inculcated in you.
  • Not forsaking them in their time of needs.
  • It does not involve discontinuing visits to them.

What leaving is:

When people understand what leaving is, they can leave properly.

  • It is means not making your parents and siblings your priority. Your spouse now comes first.
  • It means emotio0nally detaching yourself from other relationships.
  • It means you are no more under the influence of your parents.
  • They are no more your counselors.
  • It means you are not depending on them financially.
  • It means not visiting them too frequently; visiting them will even be with the knowledge of your spouse.
  • Not having them as your confidants
  • No more going to their house for support.
  • Means your loyalty and commitment is solely towards your spouse.
  • Not depending on them spiritually.
  • Your spouse does not need to compete with your parents for your attention, affection, communication and provision.
  • Your spouse now dominates your heart; your parents are now secondary.
  • Means to severe emotional umbilical cords.
  • To physically leave your parent’s house and not live with them again.
  • It means you are no more mummy’s boy or daddy’s girl, but a married man and woman.
  • It means you now have to take decisions with your spouse as a couple without involving your parents.
  • It means you will not report your spouse to your parents.
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SHOULD A WOMAN LEAVE?

Many people wrongly believe that the commandments of God in Genesis 2:24 is solely for men and women are not inclusive. This is very wrong; both individuals must leave their parents and become one flesh.

The reason it appears in the scripture is more particular about men leaving is because in most cultures, the woman is expected to join her husband’s family while nothing changes with the man. Since leaving is more than just changing geographical locations, women should also understand that they are not just to leave physically but in all ways. See what the Bible says in Psalm 45:10-11 “Hearken, O daughter, and consider, and incline thine ear; forget also thine own people, and thy fathe’s house;

So shall the king greatly desire thy beauty: for he is thy Lord; worship thou him”.

Ways to Leave

  • Leave your parent’s house.
  • Reduce your parent’s love in your heart and invest it on your spouse.
  • Your new best friend should be your spouse not your father or
  • Your number one prayer point is your spouse.
  • Your prayer partner is your spouse not your parents.
  • You MUST not depend on your parent for the sustenance of your family.
  • Your husband now has authority over you than your father.
  • You should protect your spouse more than anybody.
  • Your vision, dreams, plans should revolve around each other.
  • The direction your life is going should solely be directed by you through the help of Holy Spirit.
  • The most important personality in your life after God should now be your spouse not your parents or even your children.
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WHEN DO WE LEAVE?

  1. Begin to leave gradually as you grow into an adult. Start learning to

take decisions on your own, fend for yourself, study on your own and be truly ‘single’ before you get married.

  1. Increase your leaving capacities when you go to the higher institution. Train your parents to live without you.
  1. When you are courting, this is a good time to keep practicing the all it takes.
  1. When you get married, you must put into practice all you have learned.

 

PEOPLE YOU MUST LEAVE

  • Parents
  • Friends
  • Siblings
  • Extended family.
  • Our selfish ways.
  • Sometimes hobby, activities.
  • Our children.

REASONS PEOPLE DON’T LEAVE

  • Ignorance
  • Selfishness
  • Soul-tie
  • Financial incapacity
  • Domineering parents.
  • Immaturity
  • Marital crisis.

TEST OF LEAVING

Check the following questions in order to know whether you have left your parents or not. Answer true or false. Each question carries 10 marks:

  1. We have left the house where our parents live. True or False
  2. Our house is, at least 2 kilometers to the house of our biological parents. True or False
  3. We don’t report each other to our parents, friends or family. True or False
  4. We don’t depend on anybody financially. True or False
  5. We take our decisions without consulting parents and friends. True or False
  6. We show affection towards each other in the presence of our parents and friends. True or False
  7. We don’t run to our parents when we have problems in our marriage, True or False
  8. We don’t quarrel about provision for our parents. True or False
  9. Both of us are free from the control or manipulation of our parents. True or False
  10. Neither of us has tried to force our spouse to be like our parents. True or False
  11. We don’t call our parents daily. True or False
  12. We don’t send secret gifts or money to our parents. True or False
  13. We don’t visit them too frequently. True or False
  14. Our sense of emotional well being does not depend on our parents. True or False
  15. Our parents are no more exercising authority over us. True or False
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Every “True” you answer earns you 10 marks.

Total mark obtainable is 150 marks.

? If you score more than 130 marks you have truly left.

? If you score 80—120, you still have work to do.

? If you score 60-80, you have not left.

? Anything below 60 is a crisis state; it means your parents are the ones

dictating the pace in your marriage. Hence, your marriage has failed the

Genesis 2:24 test. You have work to do. Talk it out with your spouse and

agree on how best to leave with the wisdom of God.

 

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