Marriage

THE YOU IN YOU THAT CAN KILL YOUR MARRIAGE

By Bisi Adewale -

March 3, 2020

1294

THE YOU IN YOU THAT CAN KILL YOUR MARRIAGE

By Bisi Adewale

Many marriages struggle when one or both spouses start to show destructive behaviours. Some of these behaviours are:

NAGGING: This marriage-destroying behaviour manifests itself through constant repetition of words or statement in order to force your spouse to take action favourable to you. Nagging will make the nag weary of you. This will alter your closeness, harm your friendliness and eventually destroy your marriage. Nagging can’t change your spouse; it will only make him detest your presence (Proverbs 27: 15- 16).
MALICE: Keeping malice means that old hurts, offence are still fresh in your heart. This will not allow forgiveness in your mind but it will lead to vengeance which can break any marriage without notice. Your spouse will offend you but make up your mind to forgive (1 Peter 2: 1- 2).
CRITICISM (James 4: 11): Criticism is another devourer of marriage because couples are to speak with one voice and stand as a team. Criticism is an act of giving bad judgment or disapproval about your spouse. This attitude will create ill-feelings and bring you to logger’s heads with your spouse. Stop criticizing your spouse, correct in love (Ephesians 4: 15).
VENGEANCE (Romance112: 19). Vengeance connotes retaliation or paying your spouse back for his wrongdoing in a bitter way. You must have a large heart that forgives and forget if your marriage must last.
BLAME GAME: A Chinese proverb states that “in a marriage conflict; when the husband is wrong, the wife cannot be innocent”. Engaging in a blame game simply means passing the buck to your spouse while you portray yourself as a saint. This is detrimental to your marriage as everyone will stand to defend himself. Don’t trade blame but take responsibility for your errors (Mathew 7:3).
STINGINESS: Giving is a demonstration of love; you can’t show love without giving. Stinginess is a sign that you value your money more than your spouse. Stinginess will affect your love life negatively because it may displace you from the heart of your spouse. Remember, ‘’the gift of a man maketh room for him’’. Be a giver and you will book a permanent slot in the heart of your spouse (Romance 8: 22).
REPORTING: There will always be a misunderstanding between couples but how they handle it matters. In the event of misunderstanding or disagreement, reporting your spouse to your parents, colleagues, friends or neighbours is an attitude that can destroy any marriage any day. These people are third parties. They will take sides and handle it in a way that will aggravate your problems. It is childish to report. Seek counsel from your Pastor or a qualified marriage counsellor (Proverbs 11: 14).
UNFORGIVENESS: Whoever you marry is capable of offending you. An unforgiving spirit is a great destroyer of marriage because divorce cannot take place without it. Make up your mind to forgive your partner no matter the offence (Ephesians 4: 32).
TAKING EACH OTHER FOR GRANTED: Taking your spouse for granted is a devourer to intimacy in marriage. It is a pointer to the fact that you don’t value your spouse. This is majorly demonstrated through refusal to pick the call of your spouse, not informing him/her about your whereabout, snubbing your spouse in the public, among others. Taking your spouse for granted will tear you apart. Value your spouse (1Peter 3: 7).
SECRECY: Marriage is not a dressing room? It’s an open field. Secrecy will break a trust once divulged. Don’t create room for doubt, distrust and suspicion in your marriage by being secretive to your spouse. Be a blessing to your marriage. Hide nothing (Genesis 2:25).
OUTBURST OF ANGER: Demonstration of anger doesn’t help any marriage. It sends wrong signals to your spouse that you are dangerous to live with because it is a negative feeling of wanting to harm or hurt. No one loves an angry partner. Grow beyond your anger. Keep it in check (I Corinthians 14:34-35).