HOW TO BECOME A MORE EFFECTIVE LISTENER

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2020
Two Major Problems of Marriage
Family Lifeline With Bisi Adewale (episode 37) GET THE RIGHT SOLUTION

HOW TO BECOME A MORE EFFECTIVE LISTENER

Bisi Adewale

Here are some tips on how to become an effective listener. Men especially should develop themselves to be good listener because one of the greatest needs of a woman in marriage or relationship is to be listened to.

  1. Respect your spouse: You will find it so difficult to listen to a spouse you don’t respect. Learn to value your spouse; accept and respect him/her.
  2. Appreciate the power of communicationKnow that communication is the soul of your marriage. Hence, don’t joke with it. Do everything to have an effective communication.
  3. Make listening a priority: One great enemy of listening at home is television. Never value the tube more than your mate, because the value you place on your spouse is the value heaven will place on you. Drop the newspaper, turn off the television or turn down the volume. Listen attentively to your wife. If what you are watching is “so important” then excuse your wife. Finish your programme and go back to your wife by asking her, what did you wanted to tell me the other time? Then listen to her.
  4. Keep your mind open- Don’t make up your mind before you start listening. Be ready to be won, never jump into conclusion. Listen very well and think before you reply.
  5. Never interrupt. Listen to your spouse with your two ears opened and your mouth closed. Let him or her speak and you keep quiet. Let him or her say it the way he/she thinks it is before you say anything.
  6. Clarity- If you are not sure of certain things ask questions and clarify .Be sure you understand what you hear, be sure what you think you hear is what your partner said and listen.
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Listening Enemy 1

  1. Avoid mind reading– Hear what your spouse says, not what you think he/she wanted to say.

    Listening Enemy 2.

  1. Avoid negative interruption. “She said, “We are the only one that has not paid the security fee, Can I give it to the man to go and pay?”. He replied, “Are you saying I am a careless and irresponsible man that will not pay security fee?”. He said “Honey, this soup is too salty; you remember we learnt we need to reduce our salt in-take”. She replied “are you saying I am  a bad cook, I can cook better than your mini -skirt wearing girl friends”. In these two instances, it was clear what the woman and the man wants to say and what was said, but a negative interruption has turned them to another thing. Please avoid this.

Listening enemy 3

  1. Rehearsing- avoid rehearsing what you would say before your spouse finish talking.
  2. Other listening enemies: Judging, day dreaming, advising, stonewalling, placating, changing the subject, sparking fires, etc.
  3. Be closeMove closer to your spouse; always remember that 55% of the message is delivered through non verbal signs.
  4. Be carried along and show it– Show to your spouse that you are involved. Give him\her an alluring smile, nod your head; roll your eyes and laugh as the case may be, Just to show that you are with him\her.
  5. Become your spouse gender. What matter to women at times and what they would like to talk about is by far different from that of men. You must learn to listen even if you think what your spouse is saying is not important to you. If it is important to her and she feels you should hear them, it is important to you. Listen at that period and try to reason the way he/she is reasoning.
  6. Make eye contact– Look straight into the eyes of your mate to show that you are really with him/her.
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Pastor Bisi Adewale is a family and relationship expert; author of Secret of Irresistible Wife and more than 70 other books on marriage and family life. You can reach him on familybooster@gmail.com, 08068312004, Whatsaap 08051512823, BB: 2AF5C883, Blog:  www.bisiadewale.com, facebook.com/PastorBisiAdewale.Twitter @bisiadewale