By Bisi Adewale

“Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun”. (Eccl. 9:9 KJV)

This is God’s idea of marriage. A marriage full of joy, peace and tranquillity; a marriage of intimacy, bonding and unity; a marriage of care, service, sacrifice, laughter, playfulness and friendship. This is what marriage should be. It is not just good, it is great! The people in it are not pretending to be good to each other. They are really having a nice time. It is a marriage of romance, enjoyment and pleasure. The kind of marriage you will have depends on the thinking on which your marriage is instituted. A great marriage is not by accident; it is a result of positive concept.


As I was writing this, I got to read this on (A family-focused newspaper) I am putting it here with permission unedited.

“Emmanuel and Lola have been married for 20 years. Their children noticed they have never seen their parent argue nor had there been any issue that warrants family and friends to come settle grievances for them.

It was their twentieth wedding anniversary when one of their children commented.

“Dad, mum, I love your marriage and I will love to marry a woman like mum and be a husband like dad”

The husband speaking about his marriage said.

“Well, our marriage isn’t the perfect one like my child had said. My wife and I have been through series of ups and down but there is this one thing I have learnt to do in my marriage all these years. That thing is I have learnt to love my wife regardless of the situation.

He further listed what he had been able to learn in the twenty years of their marriage.


I don’t complain about her if I have not prayed for her love.

I don’t report her to people; we just sit to talk things out.

I don’t major on her weaknesses because I want to prove my right-love.

I give to her no matter how little it may look at times.

I respect her opinions and not only that, she is my counsellor.

She is my prayer partner and my best friend; I will never tell anyone what I wouldn’t have told her.

These things among many others are what I have been doing.

Everyone clapped as Emmanuel hugged his wife

Letting love grow in your family is not an individualistic work.  As a woman, I have also learnt the following, Lola said as she leaned on a table beside her.

In my marriage with Emmanuel I have learnt the following things:

Humility makes a man love his woman more.

I appreciate him for every little or big gifts received.

I call him by name but I don’t disrespect him. We do not sleep with grudges because we always want to pray together as a couple.

We love and appreciate each other for who we are and we try to improve on our weaknesses.

Everyone was surprised and happy for the good virtues the couple possessed

This couple demonstrates what it entails to build a great marriage. It’s not about a soul mate; it’s about working it out. It’s not about just being compatible; it’s about adjusting to fit in despite differences. It’s not about being lucky in marriage, it’s about working out so as to become lucky.

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(C)  Bisi Adewale 2019