SOLO SYNDROMES IN MARRIAGE

SOLO SYNDROMES IN MARRIAGE

By Bisi Adewale 

The solo syndrome is the opposite of companionship in marriage. Hands are joined together but hearts are not. There is no unity in diversity.

The following are signs of solo syndrome in a marriage:

1. Eating alone; Couples who eat separately are not friends.
2. Loneliness despite the presence of one’s spouse.
3. Failure to miss one’s spouse when he or she travels for two or three days.
4. Praying alone; When the desire to pray together with your spouse dies, “solo syndrome” is already in your marriage.
5. Sleeping in different rooms; Couples should be in the same room and sleep on the same bed. Anything contrary to this is a sign that the roof is caving in, things are falling apart.
6. Living or staying apart in different places.
7. Desire to be left alone.
8. Absence of happiness, joy and excitement at the arrival of your spouse.
9. Desire to be with friends, neighbours or colleagues instead of one’s spouse.
10. Desire to be in the office during the weekends, public holidays or even at nights.
11. arguments.
12. Failure to constantly pray for one’s spouse.
13. Bearing one’s burden alone without sharing it with one’s spouse.
14. Planning and executing it alone without the contribution of the other partner.

Causes of solo syndrome 

The following are the reasons Constant why people normally remain ‘‘single’’ in marriage.

• Tradition:Many people believe the right way to carry on in marriage is the old way of their fathers; therefore they continue in it and even boast about it.
• Ignorance:Foolishness is another reason many hate companionship.
• Wrong association:Bad influence from friends can also cause it.
• Bad character:Some people exhibit anti-marital habits like selfishness, pride and anger.
• Unfaithfulness: This can also separate a couple.
• Bad crisis management:Bad approach to crisis management can destroy companionship at home.
• Absence of leaving and cleaving(Genesis 2:24). Failure of one or both partners to leave their parents and cleave to each other can also lead to ‘solo’ syndrome.
• Distance marriage:Marriage across the sea whereby the wife is in Nigeria while the husband is in USA (or any other country) will definitely destroy unity at home.
• Lack of sensitivity to one’s partner’s needs.
• Job:A job that keeps one or both partners away from home for longer hours of the day, weekends and public holidays will not enhance intimacy.
• : The wrong conception about love, sex and marriage can affect companionship.
• Lack of commitment:If any of the partners is not committed to the marriage, it will break the bond of unity and tear the marriage apart.
• Drunkenness and night crawling:People that parade night clubs and take alcohol always neglect spouses.
• Lack of contentment:If you are not satisfied with your partner, it will be difficult to build companionship in marriage.
• Unforgiveness: There is no way to build a strong marriage greater than a couple easily forgiving each other.
• Collapsed bedroom life:Sexual demands, lack of sexual satisfaction and wrong use of sex serve as a major destructive device to companionship in marriage.

How to deal with the solo syndrome

• Have a joint vision and work towards it together.
• Give room for deep communication in your marriage.
• Accept your spouse totally and unconditionally.
• Don’t permit negative thinking in your hearts towards your spouse.
• Build trust in each other.
• See each other as teammates and not rivals.
• Celebrate each other.
• Forgive each other; don’t keep the offence in your hearts.
• Don’t permit anybody to come between you and your spouse.
• Deliberately create time to be together daily.
• Pray together always.
• Be playmates; play together like little children.
• Celebrate sex in your marriage; don’t fight about it.

© Bisi Adewale 2020