19 WAYS TO REVIVE A VERY SICK MARRIAGE

By Bisi Adewale -
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19 WAYS TO REVIVE A VERY SICK MARRIAGE

Bisi Adewale

If your marriage is hurting, that is not the end of the world or the end of your marriage. Any marriage can be sick or hurt. However, you must not give up on your marriage but quickly do something about it. I want us to examine some things you need to do here.

  1. TAKE 100% RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE STATE OF YOUR MARRIAGE.

Stop blaming your spouse or anybody for the situation you find yourself in. Look inward and know your wrong actions, reactions and inactions. Pretend your spouse is a saint and you are the cause of everything just to see where you erred.

  1. THINK OF THE MARRIAGE POSITIVES

People often see the negative side of their marriage. It’s as if everything is wrong in their home, and that their marriage is the worst in the world. This is a lie. Write out positive things about your marriage, even if it is just that you are still called a ‘Mrs’, and you still have a roof over your head.

  1. LIST SPOUSAL POSITIVES

Not everything is bad about your spouse. There must be something good about him or her. Write out positive things your spouse is doing, even if it is just that he or she still comes to the house to sleep, he or she flushes the toilet or greets you in the morning.

  1. CREATE TIME FOR VACATION

Pressures and busyness can be the major problem of your marriage. Think of separating some time away from your children, job and all busyness of modern-day life, just to be together and find your love again.

  1. MAKE A SELF-NEGATIVITY LIST
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You may think you are a saint and that it is your spouse that is bad. That is not true. It takes two to tango. Be sincere with yourself; you have areas of inadequacy. Check your thinking, habits, characters, attitudes, anger, laziness, pride, carelessness, omission, habits, characters, omission, inactions, actions, reactions, etc. Also, check the complaints of your spouse over the years. Try to see what you are doing wrong. Write them out.

  1. GO TO GOD IN PRAYER

Pray for your marriage, your attitude, your action and your reaction. Pray to God to make you think and do right.

  1. SHUT THE BACK DOORS

Don’t ever think of divorce or separation. Shut the back door firmly. Don’t plan for an alternative, Don’t look for a Plan B. Give your marriage your everything.

  1. ELIMINATE VULTURES

Eliminate bad friends, family members, or whosoever is not helping you to build your marriage. They are vultures.

  1. BE READY TO PAY ANY PRICE

Be ready to pay any price to make your marriage work. That price may not be in dollars or naira but the currency of humility, sobriety, love and attention. Be ready to let your ego lose for your marriage to win, give time and attention to your spouse. Be sober, love generously, and be ready to apologize. Your marriage needs this

  1. READ THE BOOK TITLED FIGHT FOR THAT MARRIAGE
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Get my book titled: ‘Fight for that Marriage’. This will help you greatly and teach you how to fight for your marriage instead of fighting in it.

  1. THINK OF YOUR 80th BIRTHDAY

Maybe this will help you. Think of who will be beside you when you are celebrating your 80th birthday. Not one of your present clients will be available. Your colleagues will not be there. Most of your present friends must have died or been too old, weak or sick to be available. But your spouse will be there. Take care of the spouse of your youth, the partner of your old age and your supporter for life. Think about this and decide to make your marriage work.

  1. GIVE ROOM FOR FORGIVENESS

Marriage requires forgiveness. No two people will ever live together without offending each other. It takes two forgivers to make a marriage work. Be ready to forgive thousands of times in the journey of your marriage.

  1. HAVE AN INTIMATE TALK WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Most of the time, couples in crisis only talk in battle mode. They shout at the top of their voices, accuse, blame, slander, curse, issue threats etc. This has not solved the problems in any marriage. Sit down with your spouse to talk better and get the solution to your problems. Talk in love, and make it a win-win situation.

  1. PRAY WITH YOUR SPOUSE
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Praying with your spouse will also help to solidify your love and your union. It will help to solve problems in your marriage and put the crisis to bed.

  1. PRAY FOR YOUR SPOUSE

Don’t just pray with your spouse; pray with him or her. Praying for someone makes forgiveness easier. It connects you to the person and makes you better with each other.

  1. VISIT COUPLES WHO ARE IN GOOD MARRIAGES

Visit couples who are in good marriages and see what they are doing right. This may help you to see what you are doing wrong.

  1. VISIT SOMEONE WHO WILL TELL YOU WHAT OTHERS WON’T TELL YOU

You will need someone who will tell you the truth about yourself; someone who may make you cry with a blunt assessment. He may be a mentor or anybody who is not your fan, but very truthful and upright.

  1. SEEK HELP IN THE RIGHT PLACE

When marriage is in trouble, people add to it by seeking help in the wrong places. Your F.F.F. may not give you adequate help. These are your Family, Friends and Fans (Colleagues, Neighbours, etc.) None of them is a trained counsellor. They may compound your issues or take your problems to penetrate your marriage.

  1. SUBMIT YOURSELF FOR MARRIAGE CLINIC

Don’t just go for marriage counselling, attend marriage clinics. This will take more than one session, sometimes, up to ten sessions of therapy, training, counselling, intimate talking time, bookwork and many 

 

   

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