MARRIAGE TOOLS SERIES WITH PASTOR BISI ADEWALE
In continuation of marriage tools series here is another tool that cannot be ignored if your marriage must be work.
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.
Two wrongs do not make a right. In marriage, couples must endeavour to develop listening ears for each other during a critical discussion. When one or both parties fail to listen to each other, crisis is inevitable in such a home, and the problem may linger on for life if not corrected. Giving a listening ear in marriage does not make you less an intelligent person who has no opinion or way forward to solving an issue at hand, rather it shows a level of respect you have for your spouse and his/her opinion.
Listening Ear is no doubt one of the hidden tools for a great marriage. It helps to foster mutual respect between the duo parties and brings about success in the marriage.
Listening is a process, to effectively give a listening ear to your spouse, you must put some things into check.
You must be an active listener. Pay rapt attention to your spouse during the discussion. Put to a halt all other things that may get your attention divided. Verbal and non-verbal action is expected to be displayed to assure your spouse that what s/he is saying is sinking into your conscious mind.
Be sure you know exactly what your spouse is saying. Don’t assume you understand when you are not sure of what you heard. Repeating some phrases or sentences from your spouse’s last statement occasionally will give you an assurance that you heard the right thing, and will also give your spouse a conviction that you are listening.
Don’t interrupt your spouse when s/he does the talking. Even when you know what s/he is about to say next, be patient enough to listen. Interrupting the other partner could be contemptuous and may send a wrong signal to the one it’s been meted on.
Above all, you need to ask for the grace to listen actively. Many homes are in shambles because the two parties want to talk at the same time. Men are naturally egoistic. Many of them feel ‘since am the head of the family, I don’t need to listen to what my wife has to say’. ‘What I say is final, because I know quite well than her’. No, it shouldn’t be! And to the Wives, don’t try to impose or enforce your opinion on your husband. Listen to him actively and objectively and if you have a better suggestion, submissively express your view, but if he refuses to welcome it, do not try to force it on him, rather take it to God in prayer.