14 Strategic Ways To Ascertain Friendship In Your Marriage
-By Bisi Adewale
I want you to look at your marriage critically. Is there friendship in it, or are you
just husband/wife or friends?
Feeling of love, like any other feeling, is not constant. It goes up and down. You
may not feel the way you were feeling before you got married, the “twinkle star”
may not really be there again, but if you have learnt to build friendship, your
marriage can last forever.
If there is friendship in your marriage, you will find the following there:
- Your husband/wife will be your confidant- “Who is your confidant?”
Merilee Boyack once asked-“who do you share everything with?” He then said, “if
it is not your spouse, it is the wrong person!”
- You play together- Friends do play together; if there is friendship in your
marriage you and your spouse will find playfulness a joy.
- Respect each other- Friends do honour and respect each other. If respect is
lacking in your home, it means friendship is lacking.
- Openness- No darkroom between friends. They talk openly, freely and
- Friendly touch- A friend is someone you love to touch, friends do stand and
stay close. Touch each other generously and comfortably; a friend’s touch is known
to be comforting. If the only reason you touch each other in your marriage is for
sex, then there is no friendship in your marriage.
- Unconditional Acceptance- Friends do accept each other unconditionally.
They don’t just tolerate each other; they celebrate each other and make up for each
other. No complain no comparison, condemnation or rejection. If you and your
spouse have not accepted each other, know that there is no friendship in your
- Friends make Sacrifice- Friendship is sacrificial; they do go extra mile to
serve each other and endure inconveniences to bring greater joy.
- Friends acknowledge friends- Friends do recognize the strength in their
friends and celebrate it, friends don’t demean friends.
- Friends pay attention to friends- Friends do attend to their friends with
their ears, eyes, body and feeling. They do phone each other and give each other
100% attention. If you don’t give your attention to your husband/wife, that means
you are not his/her friend.
- Friends are loyal and trustworthy. Friends do trust each other with their
secrets. Good friend don’t break confidence, they are loyal both in the presence and
absence of their partner.
- Friends praise friends- Good friends do praise each other. If all you do is
to criticise your wife or nag your husband then, you are not friends.
- Friends show empathy with friends- If you don’t identify with your
wife/husband’s feeling, then your marriage is far from being a friendship.
- Friends do not mind- read– If you are the friends of your mate you will not
mind- read. You will ask question, you will not expect him/her to read your mind
but you will speak out without friction or pressure.
- Friends are equal. Good friends don’t dominate each other, they relate. It
is not a master-servant relationship, it is a friendship. Husbands and wives must
learn not to dominate each other.