How To Save Your Marriage
How To Save Your Marriage Even If Your Spouse Is Unwilling
-Bisi Adewale
Saving Your Marriage Even If Your Spouse Is Unwilling
Saving Your Marriage Even If Your Spouse Is Unwilling-She looked at me straight in the face, frowned and sighed bitterly. Then she spoke with a tone of finality,
“Pastor, I am tired of this marriage. Nobody can tell me to continue it except if the person wan ts to kill me. I have endured for too long. There is a limit to human endurance”. When I had an opportunity to talk, I said “I know you have tried. I know you have endured but there is one thing you cannot tell me you have done. You have not allowed the Holy Spirit. You have not demonstrated the fruit of longsuffering. Endurance is human; that is why there is a limit to it but longsuffering is long enough for a lifetime to keep you going till your home is fully restored”. Just like magic, she agreed with me and decided to work on her marriage and make it work.How To Save Your Marriage Even If Your Spouse Is UnwillingSaving Your Marriage Even If Your Spouse Is Unwilling
You can save your marriage no matter what. No matter the offences, no matter the bitterness, you can make it work.Saving Your Marriage Even If Your Spouse Is Unwilling
A young wife once told me how she used to wait till 2am for her husband to return from the club. To make matters worse, he would come home dragging his foot carelessly. It became so bad that he started coming home with used condoms, to paint a picture for her of how he enjoyed his new girl.
But the young woman made up her mind to work her way back to his heart and restore what she called her “sick husband”. Through prayer and patience, she was able to win her battle. God intervened through one of the many girlfriends who broke his head with a bottle. This event led to his total turn around.Saving Your Marriage Even If Your Spouse Is Unwilling
A man of God told us how his wife was a thorn in his flesh, fighting his church members, causing troubles, buying things on credit from church members without the intention to pay, failing to attend church services, and choosing rather to wash her clothes during church service just beside the auditorium.
But the man resorted to prayer and fasting. With patience and wisdom, he turned the woman to one of the greatest women of God in Nigeria today.
Don’t rely on your spouse to save your marriage. Rather, make up your mind to save it. There are three options for your hurting marriage and three choices to make:
(1) Get a Divorce. This is the most wicked and terrible among the choices. I see it as a wrong solution to a terrible problem.
(2) Tough Skin reaction. This is about not resorting to divorce and not taking any step to restore the marriage but becoming stone hearted, indifferent and unconcerned while destroying plans for reconciliation and reconnection. In this marriage, fighting may not have taken place but there is cold war. It is a case of “to your tent, Oh! Israel”. Many marriages in Nigeria are at this level too.How To Save Your Marriage
(3) Find your problem, fight it, focus on it and finish it. Maturely decide to win the war of your marriage. Be ruggedly bent on winning the battle of your marriage at all cost. It may mean losing your right; it may mean not being appreciated; it may mean being humiliated. But by all means, make that marriage work. This is the most noble thing you can do; the greatest choice you can make. It is the best decision for your home, your health, your joy, your relationship with God, your careers and your children.
WORK TO DO
To save your marriage alone, you must do the following:
(1) Take it to God in prayer. He knows all things. He can do all things. He has won all battles. Stop reporting to people that cannot be of help to you. Why don’t you go to God that can be of help? Don’t just ask God to change your spouse, ask Him to change you too so that your spouse can follow suit. Ask for wisdom and patience to handle the situation as well as grace to go on despite all challenges. Destroy every demonic power fighting your marriage and pray for divine help to stabilise your home.
(2) Make up your mind to improve, even if your spouse fails to improve. Remember the word improvement starts with “I”, let it start with you.
(3) Be doggedly committed to God, His word, your mate, your marriage and your family.
(4) Speak to your spouse in the spirit of love.
(5) Prepare for rejection, knowing God is on your side.
(6) Avoid discussing your marital problems with people. It encourages bitterness. Rather, talk to the Lord and see your counsellor.
(7) Never discuss your marital problems with unbelievers, friends or acquaintances if they are of the opposite sex.
(8) Do not separate from your spouse; never move out of your home. Do not allow your spouse either to move out.
(9) Check yourself; correct your mistakes.
(10) Keep friends who will encourage you to save the relationship.
(11) Don’t concentrate on your partner’s failure; rather look for something good in him or her. No matter how bad you think he or she is, there is still something good about him or her.
(12) Continue to honour and respect your spouse, no matter what happens.
(13) Never set out to change or reform your spouse. You can’t even do it. Instead just decide to love him or her even when he or she refuses to change.
(14) Always remember that staying in that marriage is the will of God for your life.
(15) Ask for the fruit of long suffering (Galatians 2:22-23).
(16) Talk less, pray more.
(17) Think positively of your spouse.
(18) Do positive things, without expecting anything in return. Even if it is not appreciated, continue. Very soon, love will triumph.
(19) Forgive and reconcile quickly.
(20) Pursue your wife; pursue your husband. Never be indifferent or vengeful.
(21) Please, always remember that the more matured between you is the one who initiates reconciliation and even ask for forgiveness. Swallow your pride. Don’t be tired of begging and reconciling with your spouse.
(22) Never say “I don’t take nonsense”. No! Marriage is full of many “nonsenses”. Don’t make a mess of your life because of them.
(23) Always remember that the more foolish, the more naïve, the more selfish childish and stubborn one between the two of you will be the first to call for separation and divorce. Who will bell the cat?
“The word Improvement starts with letter “I”; if your marriage must improve, start with yourself.”
Pastor Bisi Adewale is a family and relationship expert; author of Secret of Irresistible Wife and more than 70 other books on marriage and family life. You can reach him on familybooster@gmail.com, 08068312004, 08051512823, BB: 2AF5C883, Blog: www.bisiadewale.com, Website:www.familybooster.com facebook.com/PastorBisiAdewale
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