GRACE PRINCIPLE OF COMMUNICATION
-Bisi Adewale
GRACE PRINCIPLE OF COMMUNICATION-To have an effective communication, these three issues must be handled wisely. Your thinking must be right. You must learn to think positively about your spouse and issues at home, because your thinking will go ahead to influence your “talking” or “listening” either positively or negatively. That is why you must learn to sanitise your heart so that you may be able to control your ear and your tongue.
“Talking” is equally important .It can either be negative or positive, effective or ineffective. In talking, you must allow the spirit of God to control your tongue and you must obey the scripture.
GRACE PRINCIPLE OF COMMUNICATION
“Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man”. Colossians 4:6.
What the scripture is saying here is that your speech, your tongue, your voice must obey GRACE principle which is:
G – Golden rule: Speak to your spouse the way you want him/her to speak to you. Mathew 7:12.
R- Respect: Respect each other as you talk. Eph. 5:33, Colossians 3:8.
A – Accommodate: Accommodate your spouse in your words. Avoid “solo statements” like “My car, “My house”, “My money”, “If not for me”, “I am the head of this house”, ”My contribution in this house is bigger than yours”, “My family will hear this”, etc. Rather use pluralistic words “We” “Us”, “Our” avoid “Me”, “I”, “Mine”, “Myself”, etc.
C – Choice of time, tones and words: Talk at the right time and at the right place, using the right words. Proverbs 15:23, 25:11.
E- Encouragement: “As cold waters to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country”. Proverb 25:25.
Always speak to encourage your mate. Motivate him\her with words like “it is well”, “it is possible”, “we will make it”, “we shall overcome”, “you will not die”, etc.
Learn to speak the truth in love. No corrupt words must come out of your mouth. Remember your words must be seasoned with SALT. It must be tasty and must preserve life. It must edify and build your spouse. Your words must enhance the self esteem of your mate.
“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister GRACE unto hearers. (Ephesians 4:29).
Your “TALKING” must involve the following:
- Openness- “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”
Genesis 2:25. Be open to your spouse; no secrecy, no “darkroom”.
- Love- Speak in love always. Ephesians 4:15.
- Truth- Speak the truth always do not lie.
- Speak Good things about your spouse- I value you. You are beautiful, I love you. You are great, you have brilliant idea.
- Speak to edify
- Confess positive things.
What to talk about:
- Your jobs and careers
- Your thoughts and your feelings
- Plans and aspiration
- Your fears and reservation
- Likes and dislikes
- Your testimonies
- Memories of childhood days
- The information you have
- Something you learnt during the day
- Movies and television shows
- Your children and relatives
- Generally, about anything and anybody.
What not to say:
- “What is wrong with your head”
- “I hate you”
- “I regret marrying you”
- “It is all your fault”
- “I will slap you”
- “I told you it will fail”
- “Useless woman” (man)
- “Why is it always my fault”?
- “You call yourself a man” (woman)
- “You don’t love me any more:
- “Whore, bitch”
- “I’m tired of you”
- “Prostitute”
- “I don’t care”
- “Your mother is a witch”
- “You never do anything right”
- “I will divorce you”
- “My way is the only way”
- If you don’t agree with me, there will be no peace
- “You are stupid”
- “I don’t love you any more”
- “Mrs. X (Mr. X) is better than you”
- “You are my problem”
- “If you die I will not mourn you”.
- “My ex is better than you”
- “You are a fool”
- “I curse you”
AS A RULE
- TALK TO EACH OTHER, NOT AT EACH OTHER.
- NEVER SHOUT, EXCEPT IF THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE
- NEVER INTERRUPT EACH OTHER, EXCEPT IF YOU ARE NURSERY PUPILS
- NEVER FAIL TO LISTEN TO YOUR SPOUSE, EXCEPT IF YOU ARE NOT BLESSED WITH EARS.
WHAT TO SAY:
- “I missed you today”
- “I love you”
- “I’m here for you”
- “I’m sorry dear, forgive me”.
- “What can I do to help you”?
- “Please”
- “Can you help me to……..”
- “I’m proud of you”
- “Remember when….”
- “You are special to me”
- “You are a darling”
- “Thank you”
- “You look beautiful”
- “It is well”
- “What can I do for you”?
- “You look super”
- “Can I be of help”?
- “I’m listening”
- “Let’s talk”
- “Thank God I married you”
- “I need your help”
- “What are your plans?”
- “You are so clever”
- “You are so beautiful”
- “You are so intelligent”
- “You are so special to me”
- “Are you feeling alright?”
- “We, us, our,” etc.
- “Smile”
- “Life with you is full of joy”
- Laughter “
- “I forgive you”
- “Thank you Jesus”
- “That’s great, neat job”
- “Thank you for marrying me”
- “I’m so glad we’re married”
- “I’ll help”
- “Our children couldn’t ask for a better mum/dad”.
Pastor Bisi Adewale is a family and relationship expert; author of Secret of Irresistible Wife and more than 70
other books on marriage and family life. You can reach him on familybooster@gmail.com, 08068312004, 08051512823, BB: 2AF5C883, Blog: www.bisiadewale.com, Website:www.familybooster.com facebook.com/PastorBisiAdewale.Twitter@bisiadewale
