12 WAYS COUPLES CAN HANDLE IN-LAWS.
© Bisi Adewale
Couples that are very wise have a way of handling in-laws without allowing them to come between them and at the same time not abandoning them. When in-laws are wisely and carefully handled they will add to the beauty of marriage, but if they are not, it results is always that of difficulties and battles.
1. LET THEIR BE LEAVING: Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24 KJV)
If THIER must be peace between you and your in-laws, there must be leaving, you must leave your father, mother, siblings physically. You must get your own house and leave the family house. You must leave financially, you must not always go cap in hands to beg your parents for money or supplies. You must leave emotionally, socially, etc.
2. LET THEIR BE CLEAVING: The next thing you must do to make your family better and handle IN-LAW well is to cleave to your spouse as the scripture commanded, you must be totally joined to your spouse in love and acceptance and leave in peace together. When there is no peace between the couple, it is easier for the extended family to come between them.
3. BECOME ONE FLESH: Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24 KJV)
This means you are to stand in unity, oneness and speak with one voice always. Don’t ever allow your family to see a gap between both of you by which they can penetrate you and destabilize your home.
4. BE NAKED AND NOT ASHAMED: And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. (Genesis 2:25 KJV).
Most people do interpret this to be that husband and wife should find it easy to stand naked physically before each other. While this is true, it also means to be totally open to each other in every area of life. If you are able to do this it will be easy to stand in unity and handle your different families together as a couple.
5. UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT THE CULTURE: Most of the time, culture and custom of the people we marry is quite different from our own, please don’t criticize, don’t think your own family culture, food, lifestyles are different from that of your spouse, rather try to understand it and blend it into your own family life in as much as it is not unscriptural and ungodly. Learning the lifestyle of the family of the person will really help you, don’t just marry the person, marry the culture also.
6. WISDOM: In-law relationship is more technical than other relationships, you need to be very wise and tactful. The truth is in-laws may not love you naturally, you may need to prove yourself and win their hearts. Please handle them with wisdom and understanding if you really want peace in your home.
7. POSITIVE THINKING: You will need to change your mind about in-laws relationships, most people believe in-laws are bad and terrible, even singles who are not married believes in-laws are bad hence they are preparing for battles with in-laws as they prepare for the wedding. Please change your mind, we are all in-laws, there are good in-laws, there are bad ones, all you just need is to have the wisdom to handle your own. Change your mind, you can have great in-laws with good character and in-laws can turn to ill luck if you are of bad character.
8. BE OF A GOOD CHARACTER: Good and Godly character is the easiest way to win in-laws. Be accommodative, be welcoming, be hospitable, don’t make the home difficult for them and conducive for your own family, they will fight back.
9. FORGIVENESS: They will definitely offend you, be wise enough to forgive them. Lack of forgiveness will lead to bitterness and hatred, which will, in turn, affect your relationship with your in-laws and hinder your prayer.
10. PROVIDE FOR THEM: Most of the time in-laws problems are a subtle battle of finances and control. The family does not want to lose control of their Son or Brother so that they will be able to collect money from him anytime they want, hence they fight any wife that want to block their butter and bread.
To minimize in-laws problems, support them as much as you can, your aged parents and younger ones most especially should be supported to the best of your ability.
Please note that am not saying you should become the extended family “load carrier” far from that, give to the best of your capability without allowing it to affect your nuclear family. But it is your covenant duty to take care of your both parents (parents of the husband and that of the wife)when they are old.
11. PATIENCE: Be patience with your in-laws, some may be childish, difficult or even bossy, patience will win them.
12. PRAYER: One powerful tool in your hands to win your in-law is prayer. Please pray, no matter how wise or patience you are it may not work, please pray.
(For comprehensive teaching on this issue please get a copy of my book titled: WIVES
VERSUS MOTHERS IN LAW WHEN WILL THE BATTLE CEASED?)
