MEETING YOUR HUSBAND’S NUMBER ONE DESPERATE NEED
Bisi Adewale
“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” Ephesians 5:33 KJV
“Mummy, I’m tired of this marriage. Dennis has made my life miserable. He is bossy and very difficult. You can’t find peace with him, he is such a terrible man. He has changed from the man I married to a total stranger which I don’t know.” Betty said to her mum as she brought out her handkerchief to wipe her tears.
Betty’s Mum, a retired military doctor took her time to listen to her daughter’s complaints about her husband without interrupting her. She allowed her to cry for some time before she asked her, “Betty my daughter, I know your husband to be a very gentle and God-fearing fellow. What has come over him? Can you kindly tell me what has been your husband’s complains about you?”
Betty began, “Mummy Don’t let Dennis fool you, He is not gentle, he is terrible. He is a pretender and he is not God-fearing.” This time, she cried loudly to the chagrin of her mother.
“You’ve not told me his complaints about you my baby girl.” Betty’s mother said.
“He has many of them. He said I am stubborn, uncontrollable, self-willed and disrespectful. How can he say so? That is the first time anybody will ever use that kind of derogatory words for me. It only gets me mad with him.” Betty replied.
On hearing this, Betty’s mum said, “Good! I like to hear this. My baby, wipe your tears and let us have a mother-child discussion. My question to you is, are you disrespectful?”
“No mummy, how can I? How can he say so? What is in him to respect? Is he my boss? Is he my father? He is only 28 years old and I am 27 plus. We were classmates. I even got better grades than him! I came out of school with a first-class. He had 2.2, that is; I am more brilliant than him. I earn a better salary than him. I come from a better family than his. My mother was a Major in the army and my father a retired principal. His parents are just peasant poor farmers, who had nothing in their lifetime. What has he done in his life to deserve my respect? Why is he now complaining about me not respecting him? Mummy, we are in the modern days. We are out of the barbaric years of Africa when husbands used to be lord and emperor.” Betty rattled.
Her mother looked at her in amazement, clapped her hands in mockery and said, “My daughter, what has come over you? Definitely, you did not get this from me. You know I respect and honour your father, even when I was the one paying the house rent and school fees. When my salary was forty thousand naira, his salary was nine thousand naira as a teacher. But I still took orders from him. Can you imagine? A military woman, a medical doctor who looks up to a history class teacher Husband for instructions, I was supposed to raise my shoulder, but maybe you will not have the privilege of getting married under the roof of a dad and mum who are still together. You know, we raised you in unity.
You can’t be united with a man you don’t respect and submit to. Two drivers can’t drive a bus; the other has to be a conductor. Even if the conductor can drive better, he has to respect the judgment and leadership of the driver, even if he is the owner of the vehicle.
You are the one causing trouble in this marriage because you are breaking the divine rule. My daughter, go and submit to your husband and win him back. You are no more dating, you are now married.
You are no more boyfriend and girlfriend to each other, you are now husband and wife! When you knew you were better than him, you had first-class and your parentage is better, you’re not supposed to marry him, but since you married him, he is your head, your leader, your emperor and your king. He does not need to deserve your respect, it’s what you are going to give him in reverence to God as a Christian woman. If you obey, respect, submit and honour him, then you will not just be his wife but his queen and his lover girl who will be number one influence in his life.
Respect is the first need of every man in his marriage and it is commanded by God.
There is an ego in every man. Foolish wives are known to bruise their husbands’ egos by disrespecting them. Great wives are known to win their husbands by massaging their egos and respecting their men.
Respecting your husband is not about whether he deserves it or not, it’s your service as commanded by God for the peace of your home. If you are waiting for your husband to deserve respect, you may wait for too long because you are close to him, you know his shortcomings, his weaknesses, his downfalls, his nakedness and you know what the world doesn’t know about him.
He doesn’t need to earn your respect; you just need to give it in honour to God Almighty.
In an article, Mark Gungor reminds us that a husband’s greatest need is respect. Gungor writes, “Most women are willing to show respect, but they want their men to be worthy of it. If he is not, a woman feels that showing respect is disingenuous and she moves into the I-had-better-correct-the-situation mode. She believes she can respect her man only if she can get him to act respectable. But that is not how it works. Respect is too great a need for a man to have it come and go based on performance. If a woman will learn to risk respecting her man when he is not perfect, he will open his heart to her and will become pliable to change.”
Learn to respect your husband more than your father, your boss in the office, your pastor and any other male personality dead or alive. If you cannot respect him, I doubt if you can exist in peace with him.
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© Bisi Adewale 2020
