Family

HOW TO DEAL WITH IMMATURITY IN MARRIAGE

June 20, 2025

418

By Pastor Bisi Adewale

Immaturity in marriage is like trying to sail a boat with holes in it, no matter how beautiful the ship is or how calm the waters may appear, if it’s not fixed, it will eventually sink. Many marriages today are not failing because of a lack of love, but because one or both partners have refused to grow up emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Marriage is for adults. Not just by age, but by character.

The Pain of Immaturity in Marriage

Let me paint a picture:

A wife sits quietly in her room after a heated argument. She wonders how her husband, a grown man, could go silent on her for three days simply because she corrected him gently. Meanwhile, the husband is in the living room playing video games, refusing to talk to her because he feels “disrespected.”

Or a husband, tired from work, walks into the house and is met with a wife who is throwing tantrums because he forgot to buy her ice cream. She sulks the entire evening, refusing to talk to him like an adult.

These are not childish people, they are married adults acting out childish emotions. And sadly, many marriages are breaking under the weight of immaturity.

Signs of Immaturity in Marriage

Silent treatment as punishment

Unwillingness to say “I’m sorry”

Turning every disagreement into a shouting match

Expecting your spouse to always think, act, or respond like you

Refusing to accept correction

Playing the victim instead of taking responsibility

Competing with your spouse instead of complementing them

If any of these are present in your home, it’s a sign that growth is needed—not just in your partner, but possibly in you too.

How to Deal With Immaturity in Marriage

1. Pray, But Don’t Ignore Reality

Prayer is powerful, and you should never stop praying for your spouse. But while you are on your knees, don’t close your eyes to the obvious signs of immaturity. Speak up with wisdom. Immaturity won’t disappear by silence—it’s addressed through love and truth.

2. Don’t React—Respond

Immature people often act out to get reactions. Don’t feed their behavior with your own immaturity. Instead of shouting back, withdrawing, or retaliating, choose maturity. Respond with calmness, set boundaries, and let your reactions model what growth looks like.

3. Model What You Want To See

Sometimes, the best way to teach maturity is to live it. Show your spouse what emotional strength looks like. Be the one who apologizes first. Be the one who listens instead of shouting. Be the one who forgives and moves forward. Light doesn’t argue with darkness—it just shines.

4. Stop Parenting Your Spouse—Be Their Partner

You are not their mother. You are not his father. Immature spouses often trigger the other into parenting mode, but that only creates more imbalance. Instead of trying to correct everything like a teacher with a stubborn pupil, choose communication over correction. Talk with respect, not like you’re scolding a child.

5. Don’t Excuse It—Encourage Growth

It’s okay to acknowledge that your partner may not be perfect. But don’t excuse their behavior as “that’s just how they are.” Instead, encourage growth. Recommend books. Go for counseling together. Celebrate small changes. Make growing a shared goal, not a lonely battle.

For the Singles: Choose Growth, Not Just Chemistry

Dear singles, please hear this clearly:

Don’t marry potential, marry patterns.

That man who refuses to say sorry now will not magically change after marriage.

That lady who throws tantrums at every disagreement won’t suddenly become mature after the wedding.

Look beyond beauty, money, or “church work” check for emotional maturity, self-control, humility, and spiritual stability. These are the roots of a peaceful marriage.

Marriage is a journey that requires grown hearts, not just grown bodies. If one person refuses to grow, the other will carry the weight of two people emotionally, and that’s too heavy for any human.

Maturity is not perfection. It’s the willingness to learn, to change, to own up, to rise after falling, and to love sacrificially.

If you’re married to someone immature, don’t give up, help them grow.

If you’re the one who’s been acting immature, don’t stay there, grow up.

And if you’re single, don’t settle, marry someone who is already walking in maturity.

Let us build homes, not just houses. Let us grow up, so our marriages can grow strong.

ACTIONS TO TAKE TODAY

— Hurting Marriage? You are not alone!

Chat with us to book sessions of Marriage clinic, we are here to help you rebuild your marriage +2348068312004 (WhatsApp only)

— Follow this page to get articles like this daily, 7am and 7pm (WAT)

— Please share this message let it get to many people, you will be saving millions of marriages.

Bisi Adewale?Marriage Clinician | Family Bui

Marriage Coach | Family Builder | Relationship Counselor