Fundamental laws of marriage Part 3
In this article, I will be teaching a lesson I titled ‘Divine Commandment which is the LAW OF ACCEPTANCE
LAW OF ACCEPTANCE
“When there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision or uncircumcision, Barbarians, Scythians, neither bond nor free, but Christ is all in all” Colossians 3:11
Your spouse can never be somebody else, accept him or her.
The man you don’t value is valuable to strange women
outside; don’t lose him.
To a fool, the grass is always greener in the next compound.
Lack of acceptance in marriage is the mother of resentment. Contentment and commitment are the foundation of acceptance.
You cannot love a woman you do not accept. You will definitely resent a man you do not accept.
Want her to become another woman? Then become another man.
If you see that she is bad at everything, then you have bad eyes.
Your spouse is as good as you accept him or her.
You will only see what you desire to see in your mate.
“Pastor” he said sharply, “this woman is good for nothing. There is nothing she knows how to do; her food is bad, her dressing is not okay, she doesn’t know how to talk, I am tired of her, she has made my life miserable: the confused man said.
How do you want her to be cooking? I asked. “Is it too salty?
Is there excess pepper? What do you really want?
“Everything is bad” he replied, I want her food to be like that of my mum, I want her to behave and dress like my mum.
Until she does that there can never be peace in this house” he said with a tone of finality.
I had to labour for hours to convince this man that his wife can never cook, act and behave like his mum. She cannot be somebody else; she can change and adjust but becoming
somebody else is impossible.
Accepting our spouse as a distinct personality and celebrating our differences is something that must be done if we must build a better marriage and intimate relationship.
WHY PEOPLE DO NOT ACCEPT THEIR SPOUSES
a. Comparison: One major reason you have not been able to accept your spouse is ‘comparison’. If you are fond of comparing your wife with Mrs. A or Mrs. B, you will
never appreciate the uniqueness or “angel” in your spouse, he or she can never be somebody else.
b. Change-mindedness: Most of us marry our spouse with the intention of changing him/her, and then we spend years of married life trying to do just that, thereby
making life difficult for our beloved spouse. Please bear in mind; you can’t change an adult, his or her character, mannerism or habits, were already formed before you
met him/her.
c. Inner picture: another reason we always find it difficult to accept our mate is in our inner picture, the picture we have in our mind about how a wife or husband should behave. If our spouses fails to meet this, it will lead to a lot of problems. Delete inner picture now;
accept him/her as he or she is.
d. Our background and experience: A young wife from Maryland, Lagos complained about how her husband has been terrible in character. During counselling, she revealed her expectations like this: “ I want a man that is very romantic, hugs me every morning before he goes out, sends love text messages to me during the day, buys greeting cards and flower for me, massages my body for me when he returns in the night”. According to her, that was how her uncle whom she lived with normally does to his wife and she has been looking forward to her husband doing the same thing to her.
Unfortunately, the husband happens to be a traditional, rigid, non-romantic and no-nonsense man. Despite all that this man was doing the woman failed to accept him because of her experience and expectation. Discuss your expectations with your spouse but never expect any man to meet your expectations only Christ can do that.
e. Consumer mindset: Majority of us went into marriage with a consumer mindset; we all look forward to being served, to be worshipped and to be celebrated without the mindset of doing the same thing for our spouses. With a consumer mindset, you will always find it difficult to accept anything your spouse does for you.
REASONS YOU MUST ACCEPT YOUR SPOUSE.
1. It is the best thing for your marriage.
2. It is the will of God for your home
3. It will make your spouse to accept you.
4. To beautify your marriage
5. You must accept your spouse if you want God to accept you.
6. The best way to develop a friendly attitude towards our spouses is to accept them.
7. He or she is your choice; nobody forced you to marry your spouse, you chose your mate The wisest thing to do is to live in peace with your choice
8. He or she is portion; you have no other one. Don’t throw your portion away, celebrate him or her (Eccl 9:9).
9. To remove every barrier between you.
10. Everybody loves to be accepted and trends to flow with anybody that accepts them.
DANGERS OF LACK OF ACCEPTANCE
a. It leads to fence-building in marriage.
b. It facilitates constant criticism, condemnation, arguments and vengeance.
c. It breaks togetherness, destroys fondness and oneness
d. It creates constant strife and misunderstanding.
e. It obstructs the body chemistry from flowing together
f. It is a major destroyer of harmony in marriage
g. It stands directly against intimacy
WONDERS OF ACCEPTANCE IN MARRIAGE
a. It leads to easy agreement
b. It is a matter of forgiveness
c. It eliminates criticism and misunderstanding
d. It gives room for openness and “nakedness” in marriage.
e. It turns marriage into a “deeper friendship”
f. It melts every barrier and destroys every fence.
g. Help reconciliation
h. It helps communication, as you feel free to talk without any fear of molestation.
i. It leads to progress because we find it easy to take risks, as there is no fear of making mistakes.
HOW TO ACCEPT YOUR SPOUSE
1. Take him or her as he/she is, never compare him or her with anybody
2. Remember that you are not also perfect.
3. Do a study of temperaments and gender differences to appreciate where your spouse is coming from.
4. Develop a producer mind, be service-oriented, seek to give, it will aid you in appreciating your spouse
5. Never allow your background to control your destiny, lodge your expectations on the cross of Christ who is able to satisfy you even if your expectations are not met.
6. Discuss your expectations with your spouse in the spirit of love, but never insist they must be met.
7. Glorify God for giving you that kind of man or woman that you have, so unique, so special
