Deadly Effect Of Argument In Marriage

Deadly Effect Of Argument In Marriage

Deadly Effect Of Argument In Marriage

By Bisi Adewale

 WHAT PROLONGS ARGUMENT

Where there is love and understanding, an argument may not last long between couples.  But when certain things are common in a marriage, arguments become a daily occurrence there.

What are these things?

1. Pride boosts ego. A partner who has this will not let go.
2. Selfishness. When a couple is selfish, each drives the argument towards satisfying his ends.
3. Where both partners are stubborn, none will be willing to let go. And this prolongs an argument. It may eventually result in a fight.
4. True love is not selfish or proud. Where love is absent, all manners of evil operate freely there, making unnecessary arguments a common occurrence (Prov.10:12).
5. Bad communication. Wrong use of the tongue, verbal attacks, deceit and secrecy prolong argument in marriage. Good communication puts an end to it (Eph. 4:29).
6. Lack of respect. A couple that respects each other ends their argument easily and quickly. If you do not respect your spouse, you will always fail to reason from his point of view (Eph. 5:21).
7. Arguing angrily leads to all manners of evil. Most often, those who argue when angry leave the subject matter to verbally assault their spouses.
8. Personality clash. A couple should be complementary in marriage, not competitive. There should be intercourse of ideas, information, knowledge and vision. But when each partner would rather remain unyielding after marriage, argument is bound to be the order of the day.
9. Developing untouchables. Some couples leave their argument unresolved and, thereafter determine not to talk about them again, leaving the ‘’untouchables’’, ‘‘to give peace a chance’’. Common ‘‘untouchables’’ in marriage are in-laws, sex, money, habit, character, third party, and so on.

  POSITIVE WAYS TO ARGUE

A couple with good and loving relationship seldom argues. It is always easy for them to agree, because they have the same focus. But if you must argue, argue positively in the following ways.

1. Speak the truth in love (Eph 4:15). Never speak to hurt your spouse, your partner, rather speak to motivate. Speak your mind in love; never speak to embarrass your spouse. Speak to your spouse in a way you will love to be spoken to.
2. Talk about issues, not personalities. Talk about the issue at hand, not about your spouse. If something is red and your spouse says it is white, correct her lovingly. Let her see that it is red; don’t say “you are blind. Can’t you see that this thing is white?” This is wrong; speak with kindness and love.
3.  Don’t avoid your disagreement but address it with kindness and love.
4. Be ready to lose an argument.
5. Be ready to drop your view for the sake of your family.