CHRISTIAN WIVES AND SUBMISSION: WHO IS WRONG BETWEEN BISHOP DAVID OYEDEPO AND DADDY FREEZE?

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CHRISTIAN WIVES AND SUBMISSION:
WHO IS WRONG BETWEEN BISHOP DAVID OYEDEPO AND DADDY FREEZE?

By Bisi Adewale

I watched with keen interest, the debate on the word “submission” from biblical perspective based on the teaching of Bishop David Oyedepo recently and the response of Daddy Freeze.

While I always refrain myself from talking about political issues in the press or current affairs that do not affect marriage and family life, the topic of submission as explained in the Bible has given me the obligation to talk about it.

As a marriage counsellor with 21 years experience on this sensitive aspect of human race, and as an author of over 100 bestselling books on the subject of marriage and family life, I am obligated to set the record straight and make some things clear. In fact, many young women are now asking questions about submission.

WHAT BISHOP OYEDEPO SAID ABOUT SUBMISSION

A few days ago, Bishop David Oyedepo published a tweet on Twitter that read:

“The only way to a fruitful marriage is total submission on the part of the wife. Until it is in place, every other thing she tries to do will be out of place. A woman who refuses to submit to her husband is disobeying God. As a woman, you might even be a minister of the gospel, and your husband is not; the Word of God still says to submit yourself to him. A submissive woman is precious in the sight of her husband – Ephesians 5:22.”

WHAT DADDY FREEZE SAID ABOUT SUBMISSION

Daddy Freeze said “While Oyedepo was right in his admonition to women to submit to their husbands, this injunction is given without consideration to the whole picture that Ephesians 5 was teaching on the subject of submission.

Daddy Freeze said, there was a verse 21 before you could read verse 22. Verse 21 of that passage reads “… submitting to one another out of reverence to Christ…”

He then made the point that it is after couples have learnt to submit to each other, that a man can now begin to demand submission from his wife.

He also said that the clamour by church people for wives to submit to their husbands, without regard to the responsibility of men in their homes, as demanded by Ephesians 5, has produced many homes where men have become tyrants.

WHAT THE BIBLE TEACHES ABOUT MEN AND WOMEN RELATIONSHIP

The Bible never commanded a husband to submit to his wife as Daddy Freeze said. Rather, the scripture commanded husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church.

His reference to verse 21 is never about marriage. It is about the interpersonal relationships among Christians. In fact, that is why the Bible says: “…submitting to one another out of reverence to Christ…”

I remember my English Language teacher in secondary school taught me that ‘’one another’’ is used when we are talking to at least three people, while ‘’each other’’ is used for two people.

So, submitting to one another as explained in the Bible is not referring to the husband and his wife (two people), but the Church (the body of Christ – more than three).

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LET’S ANALYZE THE BOOK OF EPHESIANS CHAPTERS 4 TO 6.
        •       Chapter 4 is basically about Christians’ attitudes and characters.
        •       Chapter 5:1-21 is about Christian living.
        •       Chapter 5:22-33 is about marriage.
        •       Chapter 6:1-4 is about family life and parenting.
        •       Chapter 6:5-9 is about master/servant relationship.
        •       Chapter 6:10-24 is about Christian spiritual warfare.
Quoting verse 21 to negate verse 22 in Ephesians 5 does not do a good job in marriage and families. It is simply modernizing the Bible and bringing disorder into the home. God never commanded the husband to submit.

Please note that the Bible was written for those who are ready to obey it. Not for those who want to use one verse to negate another for their interest. The teachings on submission and love are for Christians who are ready to live for Christ in attitude and character, and in absolute submission to his commandments.

LOVE IS MORE DEMANDING THAN SUBMISSION

We need to note that love is deep and more demanding, while in submission, a woman is expected to BOW HERSELF, but in love. A man is expected to GIVE HIMSELF.

The best marriage is the one where a wife submits to her husband in obedience to Christ. She does not wait for her husband to love her before she submits to him. The husband loves his wife in obedience to Christ. He does not wait for his wife to submit. It’s about serving God when a wife submits to her husband and loving God when a husband loves his wife.

WRONG TEACHINGS ABOUT MEN AND WOMEN RELATIONSHIP IN MARRIAGE

In my book titled “10 Commandments for Couples” (Published by Living Home ventures 2007), I explained the bad teachings some modern women listen to, and wrong teachings some African men carry about to different places. Let us see them here:

HSC VS WET (HUSBAND SUPERIORITY COMPLEX VS WOMEN EQUALITY THEORY)

In light of the scripture, the Husband Superiority Complex (HSC) and Women Equality Theory (WET) are wrong.

HUSBAND SUPERIORITY COMPLEX (HSC)

Men with HSC erroneously believe the following:
        •       Women are men’s properties.
        •       Women should only be seen but not heard.
        •       Women are useless except for sex, cooking, bearing and raising of children.
        •       A man can do whatever he likes with his wife.
        •       A man can do whatever he likes at home.
        •       A man can beat his wife if she misbehaves.
        •       Women do not have any right in the family.
        •       Women are inferior to men.
        •       Women deserve no honour and respect.
        •       It is only women that can be barren. Infertility is their fault only.
        •       A great man is known through how he bullies his wife.
        •       Men can sleep with their wives without their consent. Women have no right to say no to her husband, no matter how tired they are.
        •       A man needs not to appreciate his wife for cooking, sex and house chores; she is only doing her job.
        •       It is wrong for a man to do anything at home. It is the duty of the woman even if she is dying. To sleep, watch television, eat and sleep with his wife are the duties of a man.
        •       It is not wrong for a man to scold or embarrass his wife in public.
        •       Men are more knowledgeable than women.
WOMEN EQUALITY THEORY (WET)

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Feminist and women with WET believe in the following:
        •       Men and women are equal in all respect.
        •       Men and women are fundamentally the same.
        •       Nobody should claim to be the head of the family.
        •       Whatever a man can do, a woman will do it better.
        •       All women are in bondage.
        •       Women are perpetually discriminated against.
        •       Women can be self-sufficient and exist without men.
        •       Women do not need men.
        •       Marriage and maternity should be delayed until achievement in education, career, business, and socio-political spheres have been made.
        •       Female desirability (by men) is solely dependent on her achievements.
MEET HSC MEN

Men who are given to superiority complex end up becoming bullies to their wives. They become wife-beaters, difficult, wicked husbands and headache to their homes; instead of being the head. They are also marital rapists, unrepentant womanizers, uncaring, unloving, unbending, unyielding, and polygamists. To them, women are nothing but pieces of rags. They are useless in everything but for what she can do in the kitchen and their performances in the bedroom.

MEET WET WOMEN

On the other hand, a woman that believes in the Women Liberation Theory becomes independent-minded, stubborn, disobedient, unsubmissive, arrogant and finds it difficult to be under any man. Most of them end up becoming single parents, divorcees, and may be successful career/business women, but failures in marriage and parenting.
That is why some of our women – CEOs, actresses, public figures, top government officials, etc. always end up in bad marital relationships.
The Bible does not support both HSC and WET. Rather, it maintains the headship of man, not his dictatorship, and at the same time, establishes the woman as an important party in the partnership.

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THE BALANCE

This is the balance; Husbands are in position of LEADERSHIP and Wives are in position OF INFLUENCE. Leadership and influence make a great marriage and eliminate confusion and dictatorship.

MARRIAGE OF WICKEDNESS
In any relationship where Husbands are in control, but their wives cannot influence them, we will have what is called DICTATORSHIP AND WICKEDNESS. Marriage experts call it “ASH MARRIAGE”.

MARRIAGE OF MANIPULATION
In any marriage where a wife is in position of INFLUENCE without allowing her Husband to Lead or resent her husband as the family head, we have what is called MANIPULATION. Marriage experts call it “PINK MARRIAGE”.

MARRIAGE OF CONFUSION
In any Marriage relationship where the Wife is in LEADERSHIP we have CONFUSION. Marriage experts call it “RED MARRIAGE”.

PERFECT COMBINATION
Husbands and wives are important in marriage. They are just like a pilot and a co-pilot, none is inferior. But God chose one to lead, one must be in charge for the sake of orderliness and avoid confusion. Any godly woman should allow herself to be led by her husband while every godly man should allow his wife to influence him and together they build a great home

WOEMEN SHOULD GO BEYOND SUBMISION
The Bible goes beyond submission. It commanded women not only to submit but to REVERENCE their husbands as they would a King and the Family Head.

“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
??Ephesians? ?5:33? ?KJV??

MEN SHOULD GO BEYOND LOVE
For men, it commanded them not just to love their Wives but to HONOUR the Women they chose to Marry as you would a Queen and First Lady

“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
??1 Peter? ?3:7?.
So the teaching of Bishop Oyedepo is in order and based on biblical principles and the standards of God. Nobody should try to contradict this truth of the word of God and cause confusion among young married couples. Christians should stop bringing up unnecessary controversy to whatever has been settled in the Bible:

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”
??Ephesians? ?5:22, 25? ?KJV??

Wives are to submit; husbands are to love.

This is clear and direct in the Bible. Daddy Freeze shouldn’t have tried to water down the message as he did. Seeking to edit all sermons or teachings of fathers in faith will not help us in the long run. Let’s fear God and honour His servants.

?Bisiadewale
Twitter@familybooster
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