Knowing Where Your Husband Needs Your Support As A Wife
Marriage journey becomes smooth when husband and wife seek to help one another;giving total support.Most often,wives find it difficult to know the areas where their husband actually need their support.This make them to either do it the wrong way or not knowing what to do at all.The best way a wife can support her husband is to know the areas in which the support is needed and it is clearly written by Barbara Rainey on familylife.com.Read on: Knowing Where Your Husband Needs Your Support As A Wife
1. Understand his need for work. One area of struggle for many wives is her husband’s job and the pressures it imposes on him and everyone around him. Knowing Where Your Husband Needs Your Support As A Wife
Man was given the responsibility by God to toil, sweat, and gain from the labor of his hands. His work gives him a sense of significance and importance in the world as he sees his efforts affecting life for good in the present and the future.Knowing Where Your Husband Needs Your Support As A Wife
But this drive for significance sometimes pushes a man to extremes. In his effort to gain a sense of well-being and significance, he often becomes enslaved to his job. Attempting to gain importance through wealth or position, he makes his work his god. For hundreds of years, men have confused their net worth with their self-worth.
On the other hand, a man who is out of work lacks true self-respect. In this age of workaholism, losing a job is a traumatic blow to a man’s esteem. It strikes at the core of his dignity. A man who doesn’t work can’t enjoy the satisfaction of a solid day’s productivity.
Your husband needs you to help him keep these two extremes in balance. He needs you to praise him for his work, but not to push him to gain too much too quickly. When a man loses or quits his job, his self-esteem can sink. During these times, he needs you to stand beside him and encourage his efforts at finding employment. Men need to work.
2. Understand his sexual needs. Another sphere in which we wives, for the most part, do not really understand our husbands is in how his self-image is vitally linked to his sexuality. Sometimes we women judge our husbands’ sexual needs by our own. Knowing Where Your Husband Needs Your Support As A Wife
Many wives express that they are offended because their husbands are such sexual creatures. This attitude communicates rejection to a man. To ignore his sexual needs, to resist his initiation of sex, or merely to tolerate his advances is to tear at the heart of his self-esteem.
Jill Renich points this out in her book, To Have and to Hold. She states that for a man, “Sex is the most meaningful demonstration of love and self-worth. It is a part of his own deepest person.” Knowing Where Your Husband Needs Your Support As A Wife
The truth is, the typical man worries about his sexual performance, his wife’s enjoyment, and his ability to satisfy her. He worries about the future and all those tales he has heard about losing his ability to make love. These worries are signs of a low self-confidence. Thus, a man who feels like a failure in the marriage bed will seldom have the deep, abiding self-respect for which he longs.
But, as Jill Renich writes, “To receive him with joy, and to share sexual pleasure, builds into him a sense of being worthy, desirable, and acceptable.”
What if, on the other hand, your husband expresses little sexual need? Are you naively content because that means less risk for you? Or are you accepting or even resentful of his indifference without seeking to understand why? Knowing Where Your Husband Needs Your Support As A Wife
Your husband may lack interest in his sexual relationship with you for one of several reasons:
- He may be too busy. Many workaholics have nothing left over for home.
- He may be burying his sex drive, along with many other emotions. (You or a good Christian counselor need to begin to help him open up.)
- He may be experiencing depression, which takes away other basic drives as well.
- He may be deeply afraid of further rejection if you have in any way communicated rejection in the past.
- Unfortunately, he may be involved with another woman.
Women are generally security-minded, but too often a woman’s need for security leads her into a sexual rut. Her husband may not say much, so she assumes that he is satisfied too. But he may not be. Beware of complacency. Be willing to make some personal sacrifices to protect your marriage.
Great sacrifice communicates great love. Freely giving of yourself to your spouse will make you a magnet to him, drawing him home, keeping him safe. The wife who really loves her husband will choose to take risks to please her man.
As you spend time together physically, be sure to reassure your husband verbally of your unconditional acceptance of him, especially if he is insecure in this area. Tell him that you like his body and that his imperfections and mistakes don’t matter to you. His confidence will grow if you allow him the freedom to be himself and to be imperfect.
3. Understand his need for respect. Part of God’s specific instruction to wives is found in Ephesians 5:33: “Let the wife see to it that she respects her husband.” In the Amplified Bible, this verse reads, “And let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband—that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly.”
Why does God focus on this quality of respect? Why didn’t He select other positive and necessary traits, such as kindness, sympathy, and forgiveness? Why didn’t He emphasize love?
I believe that God, as the designer of men, knew that they would be built up as they are respected by their wives. When a wife respects her husband, he feels it, is supported by it, and is strengthened from it. A man needs respect like a woman needs love.
Your husband wants and needs to make a contribution in life that is worthy of another’s respect. He needs to know that you feel he is important. Without your respect, he can’t respect himself. You are his mirror. When you express your respect, he feels valuable and esteemed.
Perhaps you are thinking, But I see little, if anything, to respect. Perhaps you are like the young mother I know whose husband drank heavily and spent little time with the children. She had a difficult time viewing him with respect and honor. A deliberate change of focus from his weaknesses to his few strengths enabled her to begin to see her spouse in a positive light. Gaining a better perspective may aid you in esteeming your husband too.
Philippians 4:8 tells us: “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” Pay attention to your husband’s admirable qualities rather than the negative ones. You can then offer him the respect that will build his self-esteem.
It takes years for him to become a man
Months after that small shopping center near our home collapsed, it was finally completed. The builders made changes and structural modifications. Some were external, obvious to us as we passed by, while others were internal and couldn’t be seen.
Your husband, like that shopping center, is still under construction. His self-esteem will take time, modifications, and improvements. Internally, your attitude of acceptance, respect, and adaptation are all essential to his structural integrity. Your external behavior matters, too, because your words and actions can help to construct a secure man.
Remember, it takes years for a man to become a strong husband. Be patient with him. Put aside your high expectations of how a perfect husband would lead his family spiritually, or behave socially, or perform intellectually. Keep your hope in God, not in your man. Then you will not be disappointed.
