EFFECTIVE STEPS TO TAKE WHEN YOUR MARRIAGE IS NOT WORKING
EFFECTIVE STEPS TO TAKE WHEN YOUR MARRIAGE IS NOT WORKING
By Yomi Adewale
Marriage is a deep mystery and for it to be effective, parties involved must be sensitive and attentive to God who instituted it. Though a love affair but requires great commitment. To really make it work, you need to dig deep and make efforts. These kinds of effort must be positive and must be towards the right direction. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not to be endured, you need not fake it when you know quite well that you are only coping in marriage with so much hurts, pains and sadness which you can’t express to anyone even your partner in marriage is insensitive to your plague, at this point you need to act fast and take a drastic step to rescue your marriage and make it work.
Ecclesiastes 9:10 KJV
[10] Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might……………………………
The intention of God who established the institution called marriage is to ensure you have completeness and joy unspeakable through his involvement in your marriage
The following are effective steps to take when your marriage needs a turn around and in order to make it work
(1) X-RAY THE CURRENT STATE OF THINGS
There is need to examine and evaluate the state of your marriage, until a sickness is properly diagnosed, the process of healing will be delayed because the journey to solution is yet to be discovered. Likewise, until you check through the situation in your home and accept the fact that some things are not the way they used to be or there has never been any improvement since you started your marital journey. You need to personally think through what has gone wrong in your marriage and be ready to make amend. Never see your spouse as the culprit now but focus on issues to be resolved.
(2) POSITIVE MOVES: To stop further deteriorating of your marriage, you need to make positive moves that will yield corrective and positive results. The following are some important positive moves:
– SEEK GOD’S HELP
You need the involvement of God who instituted marriage to make it work. Many people have relegated God in their family affairs, thinking they can handle the situation, the more you apply your worldly and sensual wisdom, the more you record set back. While not deploy divine wisdom from above now which can resolve all knotty issues, no matter how complicated your marriage has become, God can fix everything. It is time to call on God to help you rescue your marriage. Nagging, fighting, keeping malice, self-justification, reporting your spouse all around will not yield positive results, it would only compound the issue.
Psalm 127:1 KJV
[1] Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.
– TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
It would be helpful, if you can take responsibility for the state of your marriage without putting the blame on your spouse. Review your actions and reactions in the recent time, you will discover that you have input in what is happening in your marriage. You need to humble yourself to accept your share of the whole matter and make moves to make your marriage work again. If your husband or wife is guilty, you can’t be guiltless.
– GET THE RIGHT KNOWLEDGE
Many unresolved issues in your marriage are due to lack of the right knowledge to manage things. It could be your inability to understand your spouse, maybe in-law problem due to your negative attitude, maybe your neglect of duties and responsibilities at home as a result of wrong priorities, it could be display of immaturity every time there is misunderstanding, etc You need to expose yourself to the right information and put into practice for better results in your marriage. Enough of folding your arms without doing anything. Read books, gather knowledge and assimilate them for better performance at home. Do not be a quack husband or wife.
Proverbs 9:6 KJV
[6] Forsake the foolish, and live; and go in the way of understanding.
– EMBRACE RECONCILIATION INSTEAD OF RETALIATION
Never recompense evil for evil Romans 12:17, be ready to reconcile with your spouse, do not give devil a total chance to break your home, if your marriage scatters, the aftermath effect is never pleasant, divorce is not the right option. Support every step that can move you closer to solution.
– GO FOR COUNSEL
In the multitude of good Counselors Proverbs 24:6, there is safety for your marriage, stop involving wrong people who are bias in resolving matters in your marriage, look for and work with a godly and professional counselor who will be on the side of your marriage and ensure that the relationship does not end in error of separation but will make the marriage survive.
– BE HUMBLE TO APOLOGIZE
Display of pride and rigidity could mess up all efforts to make your marriage work, be humble enough to apologize to your partner even over a trivial matter so far it is hurting your spouse and marriage. Also ensure you stop keeping records of faults and stop making reference to old offenses. James 4:10
– START AGAIN
Begin again, start your love affair again, start talking to your spouse again, whatever aspect of your marriage you have shut down due to hurts and pains, reopen the lines and allow joy to enter your marriage.
(3) GIVE UP NEGATIVE MEMORIES
Forgiveness is key to the restoration of any deteriorating marital relationships, the more you keep the hurts, the more your heart becomes hardened in resolving the issue. At this stage you must pour out piled up offenses by your spouse which you have kept so long in your heart and erase from your memories. List out every good thing your spouse had done in the past and Use it to counter those offenses, even when your partner is not ready to admit his or her mistakes and not ready to apologize. It is for your good to release him or her from the prison of your heart. Remember nobody is perfect; you are not a saint too.
(4) RESTORE LOVE
Never make up your mind that you can’t love again, because of the negative experience you have had, now that you have forgiven your spouse, please love again. The bible says you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you Philippians 4:13. Remember love covers multitude of sins, you have to intentionally restore the excitement you used to have in that marriage. You may have to remind yourself of how you used to relate, play together, communicate with each other, enjoy each other’s company and begin to do such things again.
Ecclesiastes 9:9 KJV
[9] Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.
(5) DAILY IMPROVEMENT
The best way to consistently make your marriage work is to embrace daily improvement. Never relent, ensure you are better off in all areas and departments of your marital relationship, check your spiritual life, finance, communication skill, cooking style, dress sense, bedroom performance etc. The very day you stop improving, the relationship will begin nose-diving again towards wrong direction. The natural tendency of a garden is towards the wilderness, you are the one that will tender the garden of your marriage daily by not permitting wild weed to grow again.
I WISH YOU A SUCCESSFUL MARITAL JOURNEY
EFFECTIVE STEPS TO TAKE WHEN YOUR MARRIAGE IS NOT WORKING
Yomi Adewale is a child of God, terrific wife of Pastor Bisi Adewale, a mother, a marriage counselor, teacher of the word, a senior lecturer and Director of studies at College of Marital Success, Vice President of Family Booster Ministries International, she is a speaker at women, singles and couples conferences. She is the Convener of Executive Women Fellowship and Coordinator of Terrific Sisters Fellowship, an arm of Family Booster Min Int’l. Yomi Adewale is the Author of 21 Secrets of Great Wives and Co-author of many books with her husband. She is a Fellow of both the Institute of Chartered Accountant of Nigeria (ICAN) and Chartered Institute of Taxation of Nigeria (CITN), the CEO of PIC Consulting.
EFFECTIVE STEPS TO TAKE WHEN YOUR MARRIAGE IS NOT WORKING
EFFECTIVE STEPS TO TAKE WHEN YOUR MARRIAGE IS NOT WORKING
EFFECTIVE STEPS TO TAKE WHEN YOUR MARRIAGE IS NOT WORKING
