DO YOU SAY YOU LOVE AND ACCEPT YOUR SPOUSE? CHECK THIS;
By Bisi Adewale
Accepting our spouses as a distinct personality and celebrating our differences is something that must be done if we must build a better marriage and an intimate relationship.
But if you are acting in any of these below to your spouse then your acceptance level demands to be query:
(a) Comparison One major reason you have not been able to accept your spouse is comparison. If you are fond of comparing your wife with Mrs A or Mrs B, you will never appreciate the uniqueness of the “angel” in your house, and that would hinder you from enjoying the whole value of your spouse. Stop comparing your spouse, he or she can never be somebody else.
(b) Change-mindedness-Most of us marry our spouse intending to change him or her, and then we spend years of married life trying to do just that, thereby making life difficult for our beloved spouse. Please bear this in mind; you can’t change an adult, his or her character, mannerism, or habits, were already formed before you met him or her, accept him and prayerfully handle anything you are not okay within your marriage.
(c) Inner picture- Another reason we always find it difficult to accept our mate is our inner picture, the picture we have in our mind about how a wife or husband should behave. If our spouse fails to meet this, it will lead to a lot of problems. Delete the inner picture now; accept him or her as he or she is.
(d) Our background and experience- A young wife from Maryland, Lagos complained about how her husband has been difficult and terrible in character. During counselling, she revealed her expectation like this: “I want a man that is very romantic, hugs me every morning before he goes out, sends a love text message to me during the day, buys greeting cards and flower for me, massages my body for me when he returns in the night”. According to her, that was how her uncle whom she lived with normally does to his wife and she has been looking forward to her husband doing the same thing to her.
Unfortunately, the husband happens to be a traditional, rigid, non-romantic and no-nonsense man. Despite all that, this man was doing the woman failed to accept him because of her experience and expectation. Discuss your expectations with your spouse but never expect any man to meet your expectations only Christ can do that.
(e) Consumer mindedness- Majority of us went into marriage with a consumer mind; we all look forward to being served, to be worshiped and to be celebrated without the mind of doing the same thing for our spouses. With a consumer mind, you will always find it difficult to accept anything your spouse does for you.
HOW TO ACCEPT YOUR SPOUSE
(1) Take him or her as he or she is, never compare him or her with anybody.
(2) Remember that you are not also perfect.
(3) Do a study of temperaments and gender differences to appreciate where your spouse is coming from.
(4) Develop a producer mind, be service-oriented, seek to give, it will aid you in appreciating your spouse.
(5) Never allow your background to control your destiny. Lodge your expectations on the cross of Christ, who can satisfy you even if your expectations are not met.
(6) Discuss your expectations with your spouse in the spirit of love, but never insist they must be met.
(7) Glorify God for giving you the kind of man or woman that you have, so unique, so spectacular.
God bless you!
© Bisi Adewale 2020
