YOUR MARRIAGE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT TO BE: How healthy is your marriage? How enjoyable is it? Are you happy in it? Are you tired of it? If you’re tired, who is to blame for it? Do you say your mate, in-laws, friends, poverty, your job or lack of it? You may not like me for saying all these, but I will tell you the truth- your marriage is what you make it to be.

You are the number one friend or foe of your marriage, you determine what happens in it; you can make it better and you can destroy it.

A wise young boy heard about the wisest old man in another region and he desired to meet this old man, to prove to him that he is the wisest. On getting there he challenged the old man to a contest. He told the man that there was no riddle he could not solve, no proverb he did not understand and that he could answer any question easily.


Then the wise old man gave him a piece of chalk and told him to draw the natural lines on the palm of his hands; the boy quickly went and drew the lines. The wise old man looked at it and saw that he had drawn the lines on his left hand; the old man said he expected him to draw the one on the right, hence he failed. Though the boy protested, the old man said that following instructions was part of the test. He then concluded by saying, “When I asked you to draw the marks on your palm, you’re supposed to ask, “which of the palms should I draws; left or right”.

Having failed the test, the young boy wanted to prove that the old man could also fail his test. He held a bird in the palm of his hands, hid it behind his back and asked the old man if it was dead or alive? ” The old man looked at him and said, “It is in your hands whether alive or dead. If it is alive and I tell you it is alive, you can squeeze it and it will die, so either dead or alive it is in your hands.”

READ ALSO:  Benefits of Dancing with your Spouse Pt 1

Like this wise old man said about the bird, I am saying about your marriage, YOUR MARRIAGE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT TO BE; IT IS IN YOUR HANDS

A lot can affect our marriage negatively but none is  more than our attitude, actions, reactions, in-actions, selfishness, thoughts, busy schedule, indecision, bad attitude towards prayers, immaturity, unfriendliness, fear, attachment to the past, secrecy, laziness, pride, bad communication and crisis management skills, incorrect mentality, inordinate ambition, bad character,  uncommunicative expectations, rigidity, self- glory, self- justification, self- judgment, solo mindedness, wrong association, wrong information, etc.

Any other thing life throws at you are external attacks that can be destroyed by your joint effort no matter how difficult, but when there is war within, there is a war indeed. When couples fight each other, they don’t tear clothes they tear flesh; they don’t shed water, they shed blood.

The natural tendency of land is towards the wilderness; if you fail to attend to your marriage, you have succeeded in destroying it.


Making your marriage work is a task that must be performed. Nobody will do it for you, it is your responsibility. I will teach you in this book what you need to do to make it work.