THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU ARE TIRED OF YOUR MARRIAGE
Bisi Adewale
THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU ARE TIRED OF YOUR MARRIAGE
Are you tired of your marriage? Is your marriage really hurting? Are you thinking of packing it up? Are you looking for the exit door? Then this chapter is specially written for you.THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU ARE TIRED OF YOUR MARRIAGE
I quite agree that marriage can be hurting at times. It can sometimes get to the boiling point and make couples look for ways to “evaporate” from their homes. But there are solutions to this. You must not take any step at this stage without godly counsel. You must be careful not to offend God.THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU ARE TIRED OF YOUR MARRIAGE
“Consider and hear me, O Lord my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death” Psalm 13:3
THINGS YOU MUST NOT DO
(1) NEVER SEPARATE. Some couples erroneously think that it is better to “give a gap” when there is crisis “to make tempers cool down”. But the truth is, the longer you separate from your spouse the more difficult it becomes to come together again. It even makes it easier for the devil to use you against each other. Avoid separation as much as possible. Stay in that marriage to make it work. {Malachi 2:14-16}
(2) NEVER INVOLVE A THIRD PARTY. There is always the temptation of involving outsiders whenever there is crisis at home. But most of the time, third parties are biased and may not say the truth. They may even have hidden agenda, or be experiencing something worst in their own marriages. They may also not be knowledgeable to handle marital crisis. If you must involve third party at all, let it be your pastor or a qualified marriage counselor. “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh”. Gen.2:24
(3) NEVER GIVE UP. Don’t give up on your marriage; it is not yet over. Never say you have tried your best. Until your marriage becomes the best, you have not put in your best.
(4) NO DIVORCE: It is a grave error to think that divorce is the best option for you under any circumstance. There is no happiness in divorce. Research has shown that many divorcees end up living sad and frustrated lives. Wisdom demands you don’t join them. THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU ARE TIRED OF YOUR MARRIAGE
Never think of divorce; don’t even consider it as an option. Stay in that marriage to make it work. Don’t end that marriage at this point. Fight for your marriage, you will surely win.
THINGS TO DO.THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU ARE TIRED OF YOUR MARRIAGE
(1) Pray: The first thing to do when you are tired of your marriage is to take that marriage to God in prayer. He is the inventor and author of marriage. He knows what went wrong in that union and He alone knows what to do to put it back on the track. Instead of reporting your spouse to every Tom, Dick and Harry, talk to God concerning Him/her and the Lord will touch his/her heart in your favour.
Please, do not neglect prayer at this hour of need. Pray, pray and pray. Talk to God more than you will talk to men. Talk to God about his/her decisions, actions, emotions, finances, job, character, utterances, sexual life and friends. With God, orderliness will be restored to that home. He will turn your battle around and give your marriage a new lease of life. “Pray without ceasing” 1Thessalonians 5:17
(2) Check Yourself. In a bad marriage, it is easy to blame your spouse, mother-in-law, friends, devil or even God for your plight. The last person you are likely to blame is yourself and this should not be.
It takes two people to make a marriage work and it takes just one person to scuttle it. Examine yourself. Blame yourself too. Your spouse cannot take one hundred percent blame. You have a fair share of the blame too. Therefore, check yourself. There may be some untoward attitudes you need to drop; some negative statements you need to replace. There may even be some bedroom rules you have to imbibe. Make amends where necessary. If you want to know the real enemy of your marriage, look through the mirror.
(3) Go For Counsel: “For by wise counsel thou shalt make thy war; and in multitude of counselors there is safety” (Prov. 24:6).
Never wait till when your marriage is in a coma before looking for help. Seek help from experts and be prepared to follow their advice.
Research has shown that most men don’t seek counsel. All men should know that it is not a sign of weakness to seek for wise counsel; it is just like consulting a professional for your business plan. Only wise men go for marriage counseling. Those who are too big to seek for advice will only make their marriage vulnerable to divorce.THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU ARE TIRED OF YOUR MARRIAGE
(4) Make A Positive List. Though you are hurt and truly offended but if that marriage must come alive again, you need to do something unusual. Get a plain sheet of paper and a pen. Then list every good thing your spouse has done for you in the past. List at least twenty (20) of them. This may not be easy, but please do it because it will help you to resolve your marriage crisis with a sound mind and makes it easier for you to forgive and speak the truth in love.
Whenever there is crisis in a home, you need to take charge of your heart positively toward your spouse. If not, you may have a trailer load of negative things he/she had done against you in the past. Most times, it will be as if you are hearing a voice reminding you of all the wrong doings of your spouse. If this continues unchecked, you are likely to think negatively and conclude that you can no longer live together happily.
Do not listen to that negative voice. Look inward and think about positive things he/she had done for you in the past. Look around for physical items he/she bought for you when the going was good.
This will make you realise that what is happening now is not deliberate but an indication that something is wrong somewhere. Jointly search for what is wrong and fix it back by focusing on his/her positive attitudes. It takes maturity to do this and I hope you are mature.THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU ARE TIRED OF YOUR MARRIAGE
(5) Check Your Wedding Pictures. Bring out your wedding pictures and look at them one after the other. Remember how happy your family, friends, you and your spouse were on that day. Will you disappoint all of them? Will God be glorified if you take any negative step on that marriage? Will it be a good achievement to be on the list of divorcees? Are you aware that this may have adverse effect on your children and you psychologically?
The joy that is lost in that marriage can still flow back like a flood if only you can make up your mind to allow it. Think twice and fight for the survival of your marriage. If you fight for the survival of that marriage, there will be an arrival of love and fresh honeymoon.THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU ARE TIRED OF YOUR MARRIAGE
(6) Count the Cost. Do you know that a bad marriage and divorces are more expensive than a good marriage? Yes they are!
The cost is so enormous physically, socially, financially, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. It will reflect negatively on your outlook, business, job, health, ministry and children. Don’t allow your heart to be broken; rather programme it to break every thought of divorce.
That marriage can still work; guard it jealously. Never let God down. Be a dogged fighter; fight for the soul of your marriage.
(7) Give Room for Reconciliation: The best room to open in a crisis marriage is the room for reconciliation. Do not close your mind against it; make a way for it. No matter what happens, reconcile, for it is better to “jaw-jaw” than to “war-war”
Do not be a difficult partner, be a peace maker and not a truce breaker.
(8) Talk To Your Spouse. Without communication, there can’t be reconciliation and where reconciliation is absent; frustration becomes the order of the day. Create time to talk. Sit down together to iron out what is wrong. Jointly attack the root cause and not the personality. Don’t apportion blame to anybody but apologise to one another in love. Use positive words to settle your disputes and disagreement with heart-to-heart discussion.
(9) Forgive Generously. Your ability to forgive your spouse is a proof that you are a sound Christian. To err is human but to forgive is divine. Forgive your spouse and restore old relationship. Always remember that a successful marriage is a relationship between two forgivers.
“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” Ephesians 4:32.
This article is culled from ”FIGHT FOR THAT MARRIAGE” a book authored by Pastor Bisi Adewale
THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU ARE TIRED OF YOUR MARRIAGE
