SIGNPOSTS OF LACK OF ACCEPTANCE FOR YOUR SPOUSE

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  1. Constant complaints: A good sign of lack of acceptance of your spouse is complaint, having too many things you complain about in your spouse
  2. Comparing: You are fond of comparing your spouse with others, whether you say it out or not.
  3. Condemning: Outright condemnation is another way to show lack of acceptance.
  4. Hate his of her Company. You hate his or her company is a sign that you have not accepted your spouse.
  5. Lack of Commitment: You will find it difficult to be committed to the person you have not accepted.
  6. Lack of Homeliness: Being at home with somebody you do not accept is not likely to be your past time. If you do not always want to be at home, then check your acceptability level of your spouse.
  7. Desire to change your spouse: If you always desire that your spouse should change in almost everything he or she does, it is a good sign that you are yet to accept him or her.                                PICTURE OF YOUR SPOUSE
    1. His or her natural self: What he or she is, because of his or her gender, biological make-up, temperament, personality or parental background. This is always difficult to change, one good thing you could do for yourself is to know you can not change him or her and accept your mate.
    2. Association-carved-images: Picture of what your mate has become because of his or her education, church, environment, friendship, books, films, background, and so on.
    3. Media Picture: This is what you thought he or she was before you married him or her, without knowing that whatever he or she was; has it’s own negative effect. You say “she is so organized” but you never knew she had a perfectionist tendencies.
    4. Real Picture: This is what he or she is as a result of his or her natural components and association-carved-image. You cannot really discover the real picture until after your wedding. The reason you marry him or her is because of his or her media picture, which may be what he or she portrays knowingly or unknowingly. It could also be what you thought he or she is because of one thing or the other. “This man must be a prayerful man”, you think, then you went ahead to marry him because you desire a praying man. You jumped to the conclusion that he is prayerful because of the way he prays in church. You never knew that he was not a man of prayer in the closet. which got to know after your wedding.
    5. Expectation Picture: This is what you expect him or her to be; the picture you have painted in your mind which you expect him or her to match.
    6. Distorted Picture: Because of your criticism, complain and condemnation, he or she set out to change his or herself to fit into your mould. This leads to distorted picture of your spouse and it handicaps him or her to function at his or her best. Your spouse cannot fit into the new picture you have created for him or her and this will make your spouse operate below his potentials and capabilities. The ultimate result of this is a low self-esteem, loss of identity, frustration, depression, tension and fight back.
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