Bisi Adewale


Marital success is not by luck as many people believe and neither a marital failure hereditary nor a turbulent marriage inherited. That your parents’ marriage is enviable does not automatically mean you will enjoy the same. And just because your parents’ marriage crumbled does not mean yours will end up the same way. Those factors that combine to determine the state of your marriage are what I call marriage success determinants.

Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established: And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches. A wise man is strong; yea, a man of knowledge increaseth strength. For by wise counsel thou shalt make thy war: and in multitude of counsellors there is safety. Wisdom is too high for a fool: he openeth not his mouth in the gate (Proverbs 24:3-7).MARRIAGE SUCCESS DETERMINANTS



  1. Relationship with God (Psalm 23:1-3). If the green pastures and still waters are your dream or a restored home your own goal, then God must be your shepherd. Before God can be your shepherd you must be a sheep and not a goat. You must be a child of God. When God becomes your father, he leads, corrects and even carries you. He will be with you, leading you at the beginning to make right choices and also in marriage. Genuine conversion is the key. Living your life daily for God gives you access into a life time of blissful and joyful home. Getting acquainted with God in daily prayers and study of the word and living in absolute holiness is the best gift you can give to yourself and your marital life.
  2. Foundation (Psalm 11:3). The right foundation is a pointer to a great marriage and the wrong, to a turbulent marriage. If you get married on a shaky foundation of beauty, money, gifts, looks, talents, wealth, background, lust, sex and so on you might have sentenced yourself to a life time of agony and pains. But if your foundation is in Christ Jesus, waiting patiently as you seek the face of God in prayers and godly counsel, and you eventually go into marriage following a divinely directed instruction, to a great extent you have clearly laid a foundation of joy, peace, intimacy, love and harmony in your home.
  3. Preparation (Proverbs 16:1). Your preparation will also determine your marital destiny. The question is, how prepared are you for marriage? Do you only prepare for the wedding, while ignoring the real preparation for the marriage? This is totally wrong. If you want a blissful home, prepare physically, materially, socially, financially, spiritually, morally, emotionally and intellectually for the marriage. You prepare to fail when you fail to do so. Therefore, read marriage books, listen to tapes, and attend seminars, pre-marital training and marriage school.).MARRIAGE SUCCESS DETERMINANTS
  • Prepare your mind to leave your parents and cleave to your spouse (Genesis 2:24).
  • Prepare to love your wife and serve her (Ephesians 5:25).
  • Prepare to submit to your husband, respect and obey him (Ephesians 5:22, 33).
  • Prepare to be a devoted father or mother.
  • Prepare to succeed in marriage.
  1. Who you are. Many people fail to critically examine who they are before getting married. And they are the ones who emphasize getting married to the best person. To have a good home, you need to work on yourself if you are not the best you should be. Check your character, habit, communication and relational skills, capacity and so on. All these must be re-trained and re-directed if they are not good. You need them to make the most of your home. Character is your marriage.
  2. Who you get married to. Of course, who your spouse is also has a great effect on your marriage. If you marry an unbeliever, a backslider, a drunk, an occult person and so on you are not likely going to find it easy in that marriage. If you get married without any considerations for the future, making your choice based on the looks of the person without considering his character and relationship with God, you will definitely regret it.
  3. What you and your partner ‘’carry’’. People have different baggage unknown to them. Some have good things like anointing, divine blessing, godly seed of covenant peace and joy while others, ancestral curses, evil covenants, evil patterns, parental curses, spirit of failure and so on. Look closely at your marriage and prayerful deal with any negative thing you and your partner may have in the place of prayer and deliverance. You will find it difficult to prosper in life and marriage if any of you is a carrier of evil.
  4. What you do. Your job, that of your spouse and how you are able to balance them with your family life will also determine the success or otherwise of your marriage. If you make your job your number one priority, thereby abandoning God and your spouse in the process, it will have a negative effect on your family life. Your number one priority should be God, your spouse, your children, and then your job. Please, set your priorities right.
  5. How you think. The state of your mind greatly influences the state of your marriage, setting the altitude. Many people have wrong conceptions about marriage, the opposite sex, love, parenting, in-laws, sex and so on. For instance, many people believe marriage is not to be enjoyed. Some men say, “Women are necessary evil”, “The place of a woman is at the foot of her husband”, “Women are good for nothing except for food, sex and baby making.” Some women also believe that “Mothers-in-law are bad”, “All men are liars and not to be trusted”, “Men are terrible people” and so on. Thoughts like these are bad. They alter your attitude towards your spouse. And when you don’t deal with them promptly they may destroy your marriage.
  6. The company you keep. He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed (Proverbs 13:20). If you keep company with people having good values for marriage and family life, it will rob on your marriage. If you do anything otherwise, it will also show in your family life. Who are your friends? What are their values? What is their relationship with God and other families like? You are not likely going to rise above the company you keep and people you hang out with.
  • Your readiness to serve. Many people get married, desiring to be served. One of the most difficult marriages is one of two care-hunters. They end up hurting each other. For your marriage to be the best, you and your spouse must grow up to be care-givers not care-hunters. Rise up to serve each other and don’t see marriage as a 50/50 situation of serve-me-I-serve-you. Serve your spouse hundred percent as unto the Lord and see God turning your marriage around, making it better.).MARRIAGE SUCCESS DETERMINANTS

 Pastor Bisi Adewale is a family and relationship expert; author :Secrets of an Irresistible Wife and more than 70 other books on marriage and family life. You can reach him on, 08068312004, 08051512823, BB: 2AF5C883, Blog:,