Intimacy in Marriage – How to build it
Intimacy does not happen on it own it must be adeliberate effort of the parties involved in the marriage. So to build intimacy the factors stated below must be strictly adhere to.
1. Absolute Trust- There is no way to love each other without first learning to trust, a mate you do not trust, you can not love. Build trust in your marriage, trust your spouse and do everything to be trust- worthy, especially in the area of sex and money. (Sos 4:12)
2.Intimate Communication. Openness, truth, positive statements, praise, appreciation, speaking the truth in love, continuous positive decision despite anger and hurt is another thing that will help you to build your marriage. As a matter of fact, no relationship can be successful in the absence of effective communication. When communication departs, frustration and confusion will take over at home. (Ephesians 4:29, Colossians 4:6, Proverb 4:24)
3.Positive Mindset. Most of our actions and reactions are not based on things or people around us; they are based on our mindset which may be wrong or right, positive or negative. Developing a positive mindset, thinking positively about our spouses, thinking of positive things to do to your mate and in your marriage, dealing with wrong perceptions and mentality will go a long way to develop your marriage as it affect your trust, adjustment, character, communication, love, intimacy, forgiveness and respect for your mate.(Proverb 4:23)
4.Adequate knowledge and constant improvement. Getting adequate knowledge of marriage and family life is the foundation of strong and fulfilling marriage. The knowledge we are talking about do not end at pre-marital training programme, it should continue throughout your life- time. Reading books, attending seminars, listening to tapes, seeking counsel from a qualified marriage counselor and attending marriage school will be beneficial to your family well- being. Proverb 24:3-7.
5.Togetherness- Couples that desire good marriage must learnt to walk together, talk, plan, pray, travel, dress, sleep, rejoice and bath together. Togetherness, fondness, playfulness, openness cheerfulness and oneness are the mother of hot and sizzling marriage.
6. Total Commitment- Commitment to God, to your marriage, to your spouse, to your marriage vow and to your immediate family as a whole will go a long way to determine the state of your home. John Maxwell said “No marriage can survive forever on leftover”!. Be committed to God, his work, his love and his fear, be committed to holiness and righteousness, be committed to your mate give him/her your attention, your ears, your time, affection, your kindness, not just in the house but in your heart.
Be committed to your marriage. Do everything to make it work, don’t be too proud to look for help, go for counsel, go for training and become better.
Be committed to your marriage vow, be satisfy with your spouse, never look for sex elsewhere, it is dangerous, get all the sex you need from your spouse, and be committed to your marriage vow.
7.High Intimacy- This is how to build highly intimate marriage. Love + trust+ honour+ communication+ togetherness+ romance is equal to High intimacy. Or High intimacy = marriage – unforgiveness – wrong conception –hatred + adjustment + acceptance + attention + affection.
8.Romance must be hot- Constant hugging, hot kisses, touching, petting, humour, playfulness, “pillow fight”, “love fight”, tug- of- love, relaxing together, closeness increasing the P. D. A (Public Display Of Affection), SDA ( Secret Display of Affection), strolling together etc. will help to develop and maintain romance, while romance will help to preserve your marriage, because for marriage not to be traumatic and problematic it must be romantic. (Sos 2:4-6)
9.Sex at the highest level- Sex must be at fulfillment level. Bearing in mind that sex in marriage is holy, acceptable, Godly and a must. When bedroom collapses marriage will not be able to stand, because bedroom is the headquarter of the family .1 Cor. 7:1-5, Pro. 5:15-21.
Position of these fifteen “determinants” will determines the state of your marriage that is why you need to do everything to put these things in place.