Wrong mindset for Marriage Pt 2
As earlier noted, a negative mindset has the capacity to endanger any marriage because it determines your character in marriage. It determines how you talk, what you do or even fail to do.
1. Reporters’ mental attitude. When an average reporter gets a piece of news, he is consumed with getting it across to his boss and still beating the deadline to release the news hot. Many people in marriage act the same way. They can’t just keep their mouths shut. They rush to town to report every “sin”, misdeed or misbehavior of their spouses to anybody who cares to listen. Some people are so overwhelmed by this bad habit that you can’t sit down with them for more than ten minutes before they begin to report their spouses, strangers or not. Some go to their in-laws, parents, friends, children, neighbors , etc to report. This is very bad and it is a sign of immaturity.
Solution: Get mature; grow up. Only little children are permitted to report other people. If you are doing it, you are just a 45-year-old man with the wisdom of 4-year-old. So discipline yourself and learn how to solve your own problems.
2. Blood-is-thicker-than-water-mindset. In comparing extended family members with their spouse, this line is often used, emphasizing that the relationship between them and their relatives is a blood based relationship while that of their spouse is water based relationship. Hence, they should love their parent and siblings more than their wives. This kind of mindset will lead to marriage failure.
Solution: The relationship between couple is a covenant which is stronger than even a blood-based relationship which is why people use blood to cut covenants. Love your spouse more than any living creature on earth. You are married by covenant.
3. Sense of insecurity. Some men are so insecure that they don’t want their wife to prosper. Jealous and envy take over. Some are even afraid their wives will kill them. They allow these kinds of thoughts to have a stronghold on their hearts for no reason.
Solution: Let the word of God dominate your heart. Destroy every sense of fear and insecurity; don’t allow them to take over your life.
4. Sense of Distrust. A whole lot of couples do not trust each other as they live in suspicion of each other all day long. They don’t trust each other with money, sex, decision making, secrets, etc. Since trust is the foundation of love, marriage becomes difficult without trust.
Solution: Learn to trust each other, deliberately. Build trust by being open to each other. Ask questions when you don’t understand. Avoid being suspicious. Let there be deep communication, truth and transparency.
5. Divorce Mindedness. On the way to the church for her wedding ceremony, a young woman insisted that she wanted to get the key to her room in her father’s house. People tried to dissuade her but she was adamant based on the fact that if the marriage did not work, she was coming back home. True to her words, the marriage did not last up to 2 years and she was truly back in her father’s house because she had divorce mindedness.
Solution: Marriage is for keeps, never think of divorce. Don’t ever see it as an option. God hates divorce, so make up your mind that you will make your marriage work no matter the cost. Malachi 2:14-16
Bisi Adewale is a family expert and president of college of marital success, He is an international conference speaker and an author of more than 52 books on marriage and family life, singles, love, sex and purity and intimacy. He is the host of family T.V. program called Family Booster Moments.
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