22 Ways Couples Can Survive Infidelity in Marriage part2
22 Ways Couples Can Survive Infidelity in Marriage part2
When someone you love betrays your trust, it can feel like an insurmountable hurdle. Our experts beg to differ. With a little TLC, it’s completely possible for your relationship to survive infidelity. Here’s how: 22 Ways Couples Can Survive Infidelity in Marriage part2
22 Ways Couples Can Survive Infidelity in Marriage part2
12. Immunize yourselves. As a couple, use the infidelity to immunize yourselves against repeat episodes. Looking back at what happened, identify and write a list of each step down the path to its occurrence. Then, write out what each of you wish you had done differently at each step, so that you will stay safe in similar future circumstances.
22 Ways Couples Can Survive Infidelity in Marriage part2
13. Launch a better-than-ever relationship. Take a relationship education course that starts by helping you identify the weak areas in your relationship and then strengthens them for future happiness together. The stronger your skills for talking together about sensitive issues are, the less likely you will be to drift apart or to let anger rifts lead to resentment or fights.
14. Take turns listening even when it hurts. Make appointments for each of you to just listen to the other. The speaker should speak briefly and let the listener paraphrase what he or she heard. Often, the listener will hear only part of what is said. Repeat what was missed, and check before going on to the next point. 22 Ways Couples Can Survive Infidelity in Marriage part2 22 Ways Couples Can Survive Infidelity in Marriage part2
15. Tell the truth, as completely as you can. The unfaithful spouse can share the thoughts and feelings that led to the choices that were made. Doing this helps you both understand the underlying problems you face. The injured spouse can also acknowledge his or her contribution to creating the circumstances that led to the infidelity.
16. Grieve together. Even if you choose to stay together, something has been irretrievably lost: your innocent belief that you would be true to each other and all that implied. Whatever you create from here will be different, hopefully better, but definitely different. Grieving helps you give up your past dreams to make room for your future. 22 Ways Couples Can Survive Infidelity in Marriage part2 22 Ways Couples Can Survive Infidelity in Marriage part2
17. Recommit yourself to the relationship. Healing together is difficult, if not impossible, when one person has their foot out the door. If you want to stay together, act like you mean it. The betrayed partner is going to feel hurt, angry and emotional. The partner who strayed should allow this emotionality and validate it as being real by saying things like, “Of course you are feeling hurt, I messed up.” The emotional fallout from infidelity can take years to heal.
22 Ways Couples Can Survive Infidelity in Marriage part2
18. Seek professional help. Look for a therapist who specializes in infidelity. There is a reason why the infidelity happened. Both of you need help to understand the underlying unmet needs, and how to heal from the breach in the relationship. If you knew how to fix your problems, you would have already done it. Instead, allow a professional to help you build a more mutually satisfying relationship.
19. Build trust. You can do this by having your actions match up with your words. If you say, “I love you,” back it up with loving actions. If you say, “I want our couple-ship to work,” stop all contact with the affair partner, and stick with it. There is nothing worse for your partner than to find out you are not being honest.
20. Get out of denial. The person who committed infidelity has to openly admit their wrong doings. Be truthful, honest and willing to cooperate with everything your mate requests from you. Decide to fight for your family and be willing to do whatever is necessary to save your marriage. This is crucial in trying to rebuild the trust that has been so badly broken.
21. Get help. Each partner must commit to couple and individual counseling. Look for a counselor who administers both practical and spiritual guidance. Without both aspects, it’s impossible to heal and restore your marriage. Seek God’s help and allow His standard of what is right and wrong to direct you and your mate during the healing process.
22. Start fresh. Pray together, forgive one another and allow each other time to heal in your own individual time. Let go of old thoughts, behaviors and anything that triggers a thirst for infidelity. Replace them with anything and anyone that encourages you to be committed, honorable and faithful in your marriage. Seek new couple relationships with those who have been married for a long period of time and can share what makes their marriage work successfully.
http://www.yourtango.com/experts/yourtango-experts/22-ways-couples-can-overcome-infidelity-expert
