-Oba Samuel
Conflict is a serious difference of opinions, wishes or interests, the achievements of one’s aim than that of another. Conflicts in courtship mean serious disagreement and argument between people in a relationship who are planning to get married.CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN COURTSHIP (Part 1)
In the early part of a relationship, conflict is non-existence; it is like a round peg in a round hole. At this stage, you willingly do whatever he/she desired. Even if it is difficult, you see it as a privilege to offer assistance. We tend to see compatibility in all areas. This stage is also known as the honeymoon stage of courtship.
However, as the relationship grows into months or years, especially as the wedding day approaches, the two lovebirds will suddenly find out that they are arguing over various issues which may cause heated arguments and injured the feelings of love for one another. The aim of this piece is to open your eyes to the causative agents of this conflicts and how to handle them.CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN COURTSHIP (Part 1)

1. Doctrinal Differences. As the relationship deepens, doctrinal issues such as wearing of trousers for ladies, using of lipstick, using of anointing oil, mode of worship, covering of hair, style of hairdo, etc. These and many other doctrinal believes often cause a lot of rift between the engage especially when they come from different denominations. Doctrinal differences have led to the end of so many relationships due to lack of wisdom to handle them.
2. Denominational row. The issue of denomination is a major cause in courtship as it sometimes determines the failure or success of the courtship. Two people from different denomination may face hard to crack challenges which may pose a threat to their relationship. There are some denominations that don’t approve inter-denominational marriage and if any of their members decide to marry someone from another denomination, he/she will face strict opposition from the church. In fact, I witnessed a particular one where the pastorate tells their member to break her relationship with the brother who is not a member of their denomination. She was counseled to pray to God to give her somebody from their denomination. This does not bulge the sister at the initial stage, but at some point, when the pressure became unbearable for her, she broke the relationship with the brother. The reason for this is not whether the brother is a genuine child of God or not but because he did not agree to join the sister’s denomination.CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN COURTSHIP (Part 1)
3. Fixing the wedding date. Another reason for conflict in courtship is the fixing of the wedding date by both parties. Agreeing on a date between two different groups is always a huge task. In some cultures or traditions, it is the family of the bride that determines the wedding date. The problem here is that the date picked by the bride’s family may not be suitable for the potential husband who has to put a lot of things into consideration before agreeing on a date. The parents of the groom-to-be may also have another day or month in mind which may not augur well with any of the parties involved. This may cause a lot of issues between the parties planning to wed if not well handled.
4. Kind of wedding. Most times, the root cause of argument about the kind of wedding is as a result of the opinion formed about the kind of wedding one desired. Below are some of them:
A .Societal/ elaborated wedding. If one party out of the two parties in a relationship has been nursing the ambition of societal/elaborate wedding, it will be difficult for such to agree on a low-key wedding or any other kind of wedding.
B. Same day wedding. This is the kind of wedding whereby the engagement ceremony takes place on the same day with the wedding, usually very early in the morning before the commencement of the church wedding, instead of the usual one day, weeks or month to the wedding day. The problem here is that if you want to marry someone who likes or whose parents enjoy throwing party, you may have a difficult hurdle to cross. Also if your spouse-to-be is of the opinion that engagement and wedding must not take place on the same day, then you have a serious argument at hand because it may be difficult for you to change his/her mind.CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN COURTSHIP (Part 1)
5. Registry/Engagement. The cause of argument here is settling for either the registry/engagement alone without taking further steps to church because one of the party don’t see it as necessity while the other party may see it as money consuming.
6. The Engagement List. The inclusion of fetish things like the alligator pepper, kolanuts, alcohol, etc normally cause disagreement between the intending couples especially where one of the party believes that tradition should be obey to latter. Also heavy bride price and outrageous list of engagement items are also serious causes


…..Get the concluding part in my next post. Shalom!

OBA SAMUEL is a family and relationship coach.A seasoned speaker in singles and couples conferences.Happily married to his queen-Oluwakemi;a babe of rare qualities and they are blessed with Tripple G children.Connect me on Twitter @PastorOba .E-mail: