Bisi Adewale

Before you go into that marriage, there are many things to discuss with your spouse to be to make your journey easier and to gain a better understanding of each other.


  1. GOD: Who is he in your life? You need to discuss this and the roles you will need God to play in your life, stating your relationship with him. If you don’t agree on this, your marriage may be turbulent if you go ahead.


  1. PURPOSE: What is your purpose in life? What is the reason why you are on earth? You need to know this and discuss it with your spouse to be and listen to each other.


  1. VALUES: You need to discuss your values and set of moral beliefs.

Everyone has their own set of values. While most values don’t differ too much, one thing to discuss before marriage is what values are and most importantly how you both see it. Then you can decide what values you will share as a family and build your family on that.


  1. VISION: Does he know what your future vision and goals are? Do you know him? If you are career-minded and plan to put all you have into work for the next six years so you can get a certain promotion or make a certain amount of money, he or she needs to know this. Share your vision about the future, finances and your children and marry your vision before you get married.


  1. CAREER: You need to talk about your career, educating each other about the need for it, challenges and what it takes to get to the top of your career. The level of your commitment should also be discussed. Do you live to work or work to live? How will your respective careers affect family life? Who comes first, career or family? Do you have more schooling and apprenticing to finish? Is there a professional course to be done? If so, what’s the time frame for completing these steps toward obtaining the kind of job you hope for? What kind of personal sacrifices will you and whosoever marries you would have to make to enable you to climb the career ladder to the top?


  1. CHILD BEARING: Discuss children, how many and the time you want to start having them, taking note of the spacing. Discuss child care, where the child will be when you go to work and so on.


  1. MONEY: You need to talk about finance. Will there be a joint account? Who handles financial decisions at home? Do you have any debt, mortgage, recurrent bills, vows, subscription, and obligations and so on? What kinds of budgeting will you be using, bank and will the woman work? Will it be my money, your money or our money? Discuss this deeply, because money issues are a potential flashpoint in marriage


© Bisi Adewale 2020